Hope

IMG_20140129_073833I spent a few minutes yesterday reading my journal from 2001. What a heartbreaking year that was. I’m pretty sure it was one of the most difficult in our lives. It was the year that I said goodbye to teaching seminary (I mourned over that) and I had my 3rd major surgery in 3 years. I was in pain for months and there were other troubles that I won’t list here. I’d get over one trial and another big one would emerge. The terrorist attacks affected the mood. Some of my entries were so sad. Other entries helped me see how I got through that time. I maintained hope that things would get better; I maintained hope in the power of prayer and faith. I clung to the written word from Church magazines and the scriptures. I believed that my problems were known and carefully measured for my good. I took time to realign my priorities.

I have been thinking about hope this month. I found a nice article about it in the September 2013 Ensign and I highly recommend it. Here is my favorite quote from the article and a quote by President Uchtdorf for you today.

Profound and sustaining hope is more than an attitude; it is an orientation of the spirit toward God.

-Vaughn E. Worthen, “The Healing Balm of Hope,” Ensign, September 2013.

 

There may be some among you who feel darkness enroaching upon you. You may feel burdened by worry, fear, or doubt. To you and to all of us, I repeat a wonderful and certain truth: God’s light is real. It is available to all! It gives life to all things. It has the power to soften the sting of the deepest wound. It can be a healing balm for the loneliness and sickness of our souls. In the furrows of despair, it can plant the seeds of a brighter hope. …It can illuminate the path before us and lead us through the darkest night into the promise of a new dawn.

-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Hope of God’s Light,” Ensign, May 2012, 75.

Mark’s quotes of the week

Overheard as he played a computer game:

“With friends like that, who needs enemies?”

 

When I picked him up from piano lessons, he asked me this important question:

“Mom, what would you have done with me if I had been a mutant?”

I replied, “I would have kept you, of course.”

“I was hoping you would have given me to the X-Men.”

C.S. Lewis

I’ve spent a year reading the writings of C.S. Lewis not realizing that it was the 50th anniversary of his death on November 22. I have collected many quotes. There are fundamental differences in his theology and mine, but his insights into human nature are honest and enlightening. I like his words about God’s love and methods of perfecting his children.

Here are a few quotes that I have enjoyed in my study this year:

…on wasting time and energy on things of little worth:

“The Christians describe the Enemy as one ‘without whom Nothing is strong’. Nothing is very strong: Strong enough to steal away a man’s best years not in sweet sins but in a dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows not why, in the gratification of curiosities so feeble that the man is only half aware of them, in drumming of fingers and kicking of heels, in whistling tunes he does not like, or in the long, dim labyrinth of reveries that have not even lust or ambition to give them a relish, but which, once chance association has started them, the creature is too weak and fuddled to shake off.” –The Screwtape Letters

…on forgetting to count our blessings:

“We want a whole race perpetually in pursuit of the rainbow’s end, never honest, not kind, nor happy now but always using as mere fuel wherewith to heap the altar of the future every real gift which is offered them in the present.” –The Screwtape Letters

…on free will:

“The sin, both of men and angels, was rendered possible by the fact that God gave them free will: thus surrendering a portion of His omnipotence …because He saw that from a world of free creatures, even though they fell, He could work out… a deeper happiness and fuller splendour than any world of automata would admit. –Miracles

…on mourning and remembering a loved one:

“For, as I have discovered, passionate grief does not link us with the dead but cuts us off from them. This becomes clearer and clearer. It is just at those moments when I feel least sorrow… that H. rushes upon my mind in her full reality, her otherness. Not, as in my worst moments, all foreshortened and patheticized and solemnized by my miseries, but as she is in her own right.” –A Grief Observed

“I will turn to her as often as possible in gladness. I will even salute her with a laugh. The less I mourn her the nearer I seem to her.” –A Grief Observed

…on our unanswered questions:

“Can a mortal ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Quite easily, I should think. All nonsensical questions are unanswerable. How many hours are there in a mile? Is yellow square or round? Probably half the questions we ask–half our great theological and metaphysical problems– are like that.” –A Grief Observed

“Heaven will solve our problems, but not, I think, by showing us subtle reconciliations between all our apparently contradictory notions. The notions will all be knocked from under our feet. We shall see that there never was any problem.” –A Grief Observed

…on reading:

“The great thing is to be always reading, but not to get bored–treat it not like work, more as a vice! Your book bill ought to be your biggest extravagance.” -quoted in CS Lewis, A Biography by Roger Lancelyn Green and Walter Hooper

…on God’s love for us:

“The great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not. It is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; and, therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we should be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him.” –Mere Christianity

…and a reminder on how to reflect God’s light:

“He [God] shows much more of Himself to some people than to others–not because he has favorites, but because it is impossible for Him to show Himself to a man whose whole mind and character are in the wrong condition. Just as sunlight, though it has no favorites, cannot be reflected in a dusty mirror as clearly as in a clean one.” –Mere Christianity

…and about the word “Christian”:

“if at once we allow people to start spiritualizing and refining, or as they might say ‘deepening’, the sense of the word Christian it too will speedily become a useless word. In the first place, Christians themselves will never be able to apply it to anyone. It is not for us to say who, in the deepest sense, is or is not close to the spirit of Christ. We do not see into men’s hearts. We cannot judge, and indeed are forbidden to judge. It would be wicked arrogance for us to say that man is, or is not, a Christian in this refined sense… as for unbelievers, they will no doubt cheerfully use the word in the refined sense. It will become in their mouths simply a term of praise. In calling anyone a Christian they will mean that they think him a good man. But that way of using the word will be no enrichment of the language, for we already have the word good. Meanwhile, the word Christian will have been spoiled for any real useful purpose it might have served.” –Mere Christianity

…and finally, why we should seek Christ:

“Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him, everything else thrown in.” –Mere Christianity

My Conference Notebook

DSC_0328-001 DSC_0329-001 DSC_0330 DSC_0333-001This morning I am finishing my conference notebook. I got this idea from a religion course my mom took at BYU. The idea is to find the quotes that are meaningful to you from the words of the prophets and compile them by topic into a document.

This summer I read the General Conference addresses from the May Ensign and marked the passages that meant something to me. Next, I went through the marked passages and placed a post-it note at the top of the page with a topic written on it. I color coded these post-it notes, pink for motherhood, yellow for revelation, etc.

Using an electronic version of the Conference addresses, I am copying and pasting the quotes by topic into a Word document.

Through this exercise I have discovered that these are the topics that were important to me this year:

  • Motherhood
  • Priesthood
  • Revelation
  • Trials
  • Chastity
  • Marriage
  • Prayer
  • Media
  • Peace
  • Missionary Work
  • Obedience
  • Atonement of Jesus Christ
  • Mormonism IS Christianity

Mornings

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Photo by Sarah

“The real problem of Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind.”

-C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I think of this quote all of the time. It haunts me when I jump out of bed in a rush to do a hundred different things. Richard’s van pool picks him up EARLY, so if I get up when he does, I have one or two hours before the kids are up each morning. I usually read. If I am feeling sloggy, I will exercise. This pillow of time helps me do the important things and better differentiate the Urgent from the Important, the Pressing from the Essential.

 

Gratitude

“I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me… for if they humble themselves before me and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27)

One of my weaknesses is that I deal with anxiety, especially in a crowd. I have been praying to know what I can do to become stronger. A few months ago, I was asked to play violin in church several times and I was invited to be in the Broadway review.

I almost backed out of playing the violin in church because of my fears. It’s hard enough to go to church and sit in the crowd, let alone play the violin for them. Then I realized that perhaps these invitations were an answer to my prayers. Maybe I needed to exercise myself a little bit more to regain my confidence. Maybe I needed to be known by a few more people so I didn’t feel so anxious at church.

“My dear young sisters, you need to know that you will experience your own adversity. None is exempt. You will suffer, be tempted, and make mistakes. You will learn [that] through overcoming challenges come growth and strength.

“It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop.” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Your Happily Ever After,” Ensign, May 2010, 124-27)

My experiences playing violin in sacrament meetings and the musical were not easy. These were acts of faith that required everything that I could give. Richard helped me because he was my accompanist. My friends were a help. Mark prayed for me every time I got up to play. I hoped that the music would heal someone.

Here is a picture of me that someone took backstage at the musical last night. After all of the rehearsals and the new friendships gained through my experiences there, I didn’t feel nearly as much fear as I do in church.

Fiddler

“God whispers in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but he shouts in our pains; it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” C.S. Lewis

“If thou art called to pass through tribulation…know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.” (D&C 122:5,7)

“He delivereth and he rescueth, and he worketh signs and wonders in heaven an in earth, who hath delivered Daniel from the power of the lions.” (Daniel 6:27)

Mark has not been healthy all month. A few days ago, he broke out in hives all over his body. We don’t know what caused it. It could be a reaction to an antibiotic or just an over-the-top immune response to a virus. He was miserable. It was scary. It was exhausting. We were blessed to find a good doctor. We feel blessed that he has responded to medication and he’s not covered in hives anymore.

“Though it may seem that you are alone, angels attend you. Though you may feel that no one can understand… our Savior, Jesus Christ understands… you are not alone.” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Your Happily Ever After,” Ensign, May 2010, 124-27)

We received some thank you notes this week. For me, the written word is the best gift. This has been a difficult week. I received kind notes almost every day this week, and these lifted me. These people were a few of my angels as they took time to write something.

From one of Paige’s teachers:

Usually a note from a teacher is bad news…not so in this case. I just wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know how nice it is to have Paige in [class]. She is a conscientious student who is consistently at the top of the class. Her behavior in class is excellent, which is very much appreciated. Parents play an important role in their student’s success. Thanks for supporting her in her academic endeavors.

From Mark’s teacher:

Dear Angela, I am so sorry Mark is having this problem. (There was more, but it is personal.)

From the pharmacist, who went to war with the insurance company for me so we could get a medication:

I worked my magic. Have a nice weekend! After I picked up the medication, she said, “Now go treat yourself to something nice.”

From a new friend:

What an angel you are! Thank you for … It really meant a lot to me.
Love your friend,

From ward members:

…You have so much to offer…

and

…The arrangement was lovely and was played faultlessly. Thanks for sharing your talents…

From my sister:

Break a leg tonight! ( or maybe not since you will be on a roof…) I hope you are having a marvelous time!

There were many people who reached out in concern, built us up, prayed for us, and helped us through this big week. I believe there were unseen angels there to help, too.

I believe in angels, miracles, and that faith requires work. Through tough experiences, I learn that that we are loved by our Heavenly Father.

Home Schooling and a Unicorn

My neighbor was house hunting in town. They toured a property the other day and her 6 year-old daughter said that if the family chose to live at this house, she had a list of demands.

First, she would need a unicorn of her own.

Second, she would need to be home schooled.

I forget the rest of the list because I was snickering. Home school and a unicorn! Does she think home school would allow her more time to ride the unicorn?

Mark-isms

“I’m sorry, Mom, but sometimes your breath smells really bad.”

“How do you spell, ‘Oo la la’?”

“Can I play computer, Dad?”

“I’m not sure, Mark. Have you already played computer today?”

“I’m not sure. WHERE (sigh) is Angela?” replies Mark.

“Do you want to play outside with me and each other?”

Some Quotes

Mark

4/12/10

Mom: What kind of soda would you like?

Mark: Definitely not the kind with gasoline! (He means caffeine.)

Mom: You’re so funny, Mark.

Mark: And cute!

4/10

Mark, discovering a dandelion gone to seed says, “Look, Mom! When you blow this, little feathers fly off!”

4/23/10

Mom: Lehi saw the tree of life with beautiful white fruit.

Mark: I think it was GARLIC. Garlic is white!

4/25/10

Looking at a package of licorice and mistaking the cherries for apples, Mark says, “Licorice is made out of apple! So why can’t you give us that apple snack?

Woes of a Three-year-old

This is a rabbit by Mark. Words fail. I'm enchanted.

For anyone who doubts a three-year old can be troubled by love diet, money, and exercise, here are some persuasive arguments against you.

1/16/10: “Who do you think I should marry when I grow up?”

Mom replies, “I don’t think you have met her yet.”

Mark says, “I think I’m marrying YOU.”

2/13/10: “Sometimes I just want to pretend that candy is healthy.”

3/1/10: “Mom, I like money and it feels like I never want to give it to somebody else.”

3/2/10: Pointing to his feet after being asked to go and eat breakfast, “Just look how tired these are!”