By way of a broken heart

As I studied Joseph Smith’s First Vision this week, I made note of two words. What do you learn from the use of these words?

From President Eyring,

Joseph Smith’s experience is a pattern we can follow to recognize personal messages from God…

There may be many reasons God could speak so powerfully to young Joseph, but a primary reason was that his heart was ready.

A BROKEN HEART IS A PREPARED HEART

Joseph had a broken heart for at least two reasons. He wanted forgiveness of his sins and weaknesses, which he knew could only come through Jesus Christ. And he was desperate to know which of the contending churches was right and which he should join.

-Henry B Eyring, The First Vision: A Pattern for Personal Revelation, February 2020.

I think broken hearts are repentant and teachable, humble and malleable. I want a heart like Joseph.

If Any of You Lack Wisdom by Walter Rane

Happy memory

Richard and I became engaged during the first week of January, 30 years ago. This little remembrance has been like glitter to my thoughts this week as I have swept away most of the sparkle of Christmas decorations. I believe that we make important decisions each day, including how to spend our time, and with whom we spend our time, but there are a few moments of decision that have immense impact.

Choosing to say yes to Richard’s proposal was the best decision. I wasn’t expecting a proposal that evening, but I remember almost immediately after saying yes, I told him that we would have a good life together…as if I could know…which I couldn’t, on my own. This was a little insight from the Lord, given to me at a critical moment of decision: things are going to be good with this man at your side.

In the temple laundry room

A few months ago we took a shift to clean the temple from 10 pm to midnight. People are doing this all of the time, and it was not a big sacrifice. I helped clean the baptistry, and part of my job was to dust the walls of the laundry room, which were not dusty, unlike the walls of my own home.

I was regretting that I wasn’t having a spiritual experience in this temple laundry room when this song came to my mind. The Spirit reminded me that caring for this room was a way to show my gratitude to my Heavenly Father for this temple and for His goodness to me all my life. So, I finished my shift, singing this song in my mind. The Spirit showed up for me in the laundry room that night to expand my vision.

I should ask the question more often, what can I do this day to show my gratitude to God?

A formula that works

Blue + yellow = green.


Blue=initial reaction to trials

Yellow=God’s response to prayers

Green=courage and determination enhanced as a result of prayer


The formula is clear in Alma 58:9-13. Just read the highlighted words and apply them to a challenge that you are facing. This formula has worked for me my whole life.

Discover, Plan, Act, Reflect

While I was in Alabama, I realized that I should write a little song for Primary day camp, just a super short melody to help us remember a concept. I began writing and whittling down the song until it was just two lines. Richard transcribed it so we had readable sheet music and on Sunday these young women came to our house to learn and record the song.

This little song is to teach the kids at Primary Day Camp how to make goals. Hearing and watching these young women sing these words was a highlight of my week.

I have many gifts from God, and He wants me to grow;

I’ll discover, plan, act, reflect; Seek the Help of the Holy Ghost!

Image from the Church’s Children and Youth Personal Development book

Purpose of prayer

In Ether 1 of the Book of Mormon it says that the prophet prayed for his family and friends who were refugees looking for a home. The Lord had compassion and told him to prepare to go to a choice land “…because this long time ye have cried unto me.” (Ether 1:43)

So, does this mean that all we need to do to get what we want is to pray long enough and hard enough?

I don’t think this is how things work. Jesus taught in the parable of the unjust judge that a corrupt official will show mercy just to be rid of someone who asks and asks for something, but God is surely better than that. (Luke 18:1-8)

I don’t think that the brother of Jared wearied the Lord or wore him down with requests so he finally said, fine, have what you want. I think this story illustrates how prayer makes us ready to receive the huge blessings that the Lord already has waiting for us.

In other words, prayer doesn’t chip away at the Lord’s iron will to withhold blessings. Rather, prayer chips away at our own wills and our pride, and helps prepare us to level up in understanding and joy.

After all, we pray to a God who knows our needs before they are spoken. (Matthew 6:33) So, prayer isn’t about informing Him of needs, but connecting with Him.

Please don’t let your prayers sound like a shopping list. The Lord’s perspective transcends your mortal wisdom.

President Russell M Nelson

Prayer is the vehicle for us to understand that God is there. He gets us. He will bless us in ways that will ultimately help us return to Him, and often that means He doesn’t remove every pain right away.

Pray in the name of Jesus Christ about your concerns, your fears, your weaknesses- yes, the very longings of your heart. And then listen!

President Russell M Nelson

Pray to have eyes to see God’s hand in your life and in the world around you. Ask him to tell you if He is really there-if He knows you. Ask him how He feels about you. And then listen.

President Russell M Nelson

I pray for an evolving list of people by name, but I have changed how I pray for them. I used to kind of whine and beg. Okay, I still do that sometimes. But, more and more, prayer has become the moment in the day where I can tell God that I trust Him with these precious people and that I trust His wisdom and His power to help. Sometimes during prayer I will quote a scripture of praise. This has been a helpful shift in how I approach my Father in Heaven in prayer.

By the way

One morning last week, my second counselor and I made a visit to a ward Primary leader. We were with her for about a half an hour and I shared a scripture and we prayed together before we said goodbye. As we walked to the car, I was feeling good until we saw the dog.

This large, unleashed dog saw us at the same moment that we saw him and he charged toward us to greet us. I have childhood trauma from mean dogs, and I never want to see a large dog running toward me, friendly or not. So, I was definitely not at my best when I saw this happy? savage? dog running straight for us. “I don’t like anything about this,” I said, and Barbara tried to divert the dog’s attention from me. (Bless her.)

But the owner of the dog was also there, unseen on his skateboard in the street. He ran over to fetch his friendly dog. Still, I hadn’t started breathing yet, and the fight-or-flight chemicals in my veins definitely continued to react.

But then I really looked at the young man. I recognized him! He had been on Tim’s ultimate Frisbee team before the pandemic. And in that moment I knew that I needed to be a friend to him.

I began where I was, flustered, not quite myself, and said, “I know you!”

And suddenly, I remembered his name, and then we were having a surprisingly vulnerable conversation about church. Church!

When he said he wasn’t part of our church, the words, “That’s just fine, we love you all,” came out of my mouth. The young man swept back his hair and we talked for a few more minutes.

“Did I just tell this young man that we loved him?” was the shaming thought that came to my mind as we left the scene. But as more hours and days have passed, I have realized that the words I spoke were really not my own. I also remembered that some of my favorite stories of Jesus happened during unexpected meetings. The woman with an issue of blood was not his original focus or destination, and neither was the Samaritan woman, but these “scenes by the wayside” show his disciples the perfect pattern:

Take time to talk to someone. Be real. Offer hope. Share love. The people you meet by the wayside might just be the ones you are meant to talk to that day.

Things that helped

After reading through my 2023 blog posts, I’ve decided that I want to end the year by listing one daily, one weekly, and one monthly thing that helped me get through a year which was actually very challenging.

A daily practice that helped:

  • I took the counsel of President Nelson and I kept a journal of impressions that I had while I prayed, and I acted upon those impressions. This created a leap in progress in my understanding of how revelation works and how interested God is in my life.

A weekly practice that helped:

  • Friday dates with Richard

A monthly practice that helped:

  • I tried to do a variety of work in the temple. Richard and I were able to complete temple ordinances for several ancestors with the help of our children, my brother, and my parents.

I have also looked over my reading list from 2023 to see where I have been. I have a special shout-out for Charles Dickins’ David Copperfield and Annie Dillard’s Pilgrim at Tinker Creek.

As I prepare for 2024, I don’t have any major resolutions. I do have plans to keep my good habits, while giving myself the grace to just do one thing at a time, including new things.

Wishing you a gentle look back at your 2023, and a hopeful look forward to your New Year.

Love,

A.

2023 Advent Calendars

Today I began delivering my 2023 scripture advent calendars to my friends. The theme of the calendar this year is prayer.

As I made my deliveries, the walk in the cold air and bright sunlight was lifegiving. This year, I am giving a small rock with each advent, so I was carrying a big bag of rocks, but it got lighter over time. 😂

These scriptures are meaningful to me and show what I have been thinking about this year. I’m not trying to correct anyone, but I want to share light.