Category: Motherhood

Ramble

Richard and I spent time in Salt Lake City to celebrate our anniversary. The hills north of downtown were verdant and vibrant. These hills are usually straw yellow, but the grasses were young and bright.

The high school flags line the front of the school, the last concerts are over, and a new class graduates this week. Time is so compressed for me lately, it doesn’t feel like a year since Tim graduated. But then again, our lives are so different now, that time must have carried us to this new place. We certainly haven’t arrived at this end of another school year by any conscious, overriding plan of our own. We just kept working and kept moving, and here we are.

Here is an important quote I keep using as I see complexities in how to balance love of God and love of neighbor (thanks to my mom for this one),

“Ignoring the first commandment, or reversing the order of the first and second commandments, risks a loss of balance in life and destructive deviations from the path of happiness and truth. Love of God and submission to Him provide checks against our tendency to corrupt virtues by pushing them to the extreme. Compassion for our neighbor’s distress, for example, even when the suffering is brought about by his or her own transgression, is noble and good. But an unbridled compassion could lead us, … to question God’s justice and misunderstand His mercy.

“There are those, for example, who believe that loving others means we must twist or ignore God’s laws in a way or ways that advocate or condone sin.” (Christofferson, The First Commandment First, 2022 BYU Devotional)

I work in the yard each day, trying to reclaim sections of neglected areas. It’s so satisfying. Dirt outside and thread and fabric inside are my materials for work lately. In June, I will move to paint as my medium, as we cover more surfaces in my grand plan (many years old) to repaint every inch of the house.

Someone asked me what we are doing this summer. A wedding. Two family reunions. Drivers Ed. A trip to Yellowstone. High Adventure. Pioneer Trek. These are big events, and this is my last morning with Mark at school for a little while. I just keep moving and keep working, and here we are.

16th Birthday

We celebrated Mark’s 16th in every way we thought would make him happy. I hope he went to sleep with a smile. I am having trouble expressing what I want to say about Mark, so this won’t be a tribute post or a narrative about the day, but simply an imprint. He is so dear.

Some highlights from Mark’s 16th year: school musical, piano study, organist at church, Sparky’s friend, straight A student, cookie architect, skier, a light.

Mother’s Day Table

Richard took these photos of our Mother’s Day table. 💕

I used flowers from our yard and photographs of our mothers and grandmothers to decorate the table. Richard did most of the cooking, and it was a delicious meal.

Smoked chicken

Mashed potatoes

Green salad

Homemade fan rolls

Eclairs

Apple pie with whipped cream

We had nine at the table tonight, including my parents, and we were joined by Tim in a video call after dinner. 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 Ten happy faces.

We had a Mother’s Day show and tell, where we could tell a memory or show an object to represent our moms. I loved hearing what people shared, even though I realized late in the game that some anecdotes were going to be about me. It’s funny, but I don’t really think of Mother’s Day as being about “me.” It felt good to have my mom here to celebrate her.

April 14 letter

photo by Rachel Angela Photography

Dear friend,

I write as I listen to the machinery getting started in my neighborhood. Today, it is an excavator removing a lawn. I have placed my chair so I don’t have to watch, but I can’t escape the sounds. Construction sounds and large trucks and vehicles parked all over the street make for a congested scene.

This week marks the second anniversary of my surgery and long adjustment to a new diet. At least I can still eat candy. And with great sincerity, I want to say I am grateful for my life!

My grandmother taught me to use a timer for tasks. Recently, I set a 10-minute timer in each room I wanted to clean. In an hour, I had done more than I expected because I didn’t have time to get distracted. Also, each day I set a 3-hour timer in the late mornings where I am not supposed to touch my phone. I am in need of all such remedial helps.

When I get Instagram friend requests from teen girls in my neighborhood, I bite my clenched fist and wonder if I should accept. I don’t want to contribute to their social angst. I can’t be counted upon to respond to all their content, and I feel a responsibility to provide some of my own steadying content for their feeds. I am currently so disgusted with social media, and what the creators have knowingly done to girls and women, and therefore families. I am sad that so many women-run businesses depend upon an ever-changing and impossible algorithm to promote their brands.

I finished Brothers Karamazov this week. (If you’re curious, to pronounce it, there is an emphasis on the second a.) I read it to gain some wisdom, but mostly felt baffled by the incongruous mixture of content: murder, monastic life, courtroom scenes, debauchery, betrayal, suicide, mentoring children…It was Dostoyevsky’s last book, and I guess he had things he wanted to say.

A few of quotes from the book,

There are souls which, in their limitation, blame the whole world. But subdue such a soul with mercy, show it love, and it will curse its past, for there are many good impulses in it. Such a heart will expand and see that God is merciful and that men are good and just.

Despair and penitence are two very different things.

Ah, man should be dissolved in prayer.

Don’t be like everyone else, even if you are the only one.

Cana of Galilee, the first miracle… Ah, that miracle! Ah, that sweet miracle! It was not men’s grief, but their joy Christ visited. He worked his first miracle to help men’s gladness.

When you are left alone, pray

And even though your light was shining, yet you see men were not saved by it, hold firm and doubt not the heavenly light. Believe that if they were not saved, they will be saved hereafter, then their sons will be saved, for your light will not die when you are dead. The righteous man departs, but his light remains.

Prayer is an education.

Must… Stop… Quoting… Dostoyevsky…

Recently, we arrived at the first gathering of young men and women at our house with Mark, our baby, as host. I remember the shock of our first girl-boy party when it arrived for Daniel. I smile to see that some younger siblings mirror their older sisters’ steps into our house.

Richard is the only person I know who has a weight lifting bench that he uses regularly.

Daniel is getting married in July, and it occurs to me that I never got around to hanging those shelves he wanted in his bedroom. It is too late now. Don’t get me wrong, this is not the only thing I think I have neglected in my teaching and caring of him. Insert end of an era kind of emotions here.

Richard and I were able to get appointments at the Draper temple on Good Friday. I love this temple more than any other, and I am so glad they are back to (I think) full capacity.

Well, this has been an indulgent and rambling letter. Take what you need, and try to forget the rest. Thank you for taking time to check in.

Love,

A.

Dinner party before the women’s session of conference

So much of my heart went into this night that it feels strange to write about it here. I’ll fill some pages in my journal about it.

Please enjoy the pretty pictures of my family and homemade petit fours. (Mark helped me with the fondant glaze and Paige made the rosettes.)

Missionary update

Tim is stretching as a Tagalog language missionary in North Shore Vancouver. His companion is fluent in Tagalog, as he was born in the Philippines, but moved to Canada many years ago. Tim is using his piano and organ skills in choir, sacrament meeting, and Primary. He lives in a basement apartment in the stake president’s home. I try to keep track of those who take good care of the missionaries, and in this area, the Oro family really stands out. I am thankful for them! He goes into the city often because that is where they can find Filipinos, and there is a lot of driving involved. Also, they are trying to get to know the members, as both elders are new in the area. They teach a weekly English class which they are trying to get more people to attend. On Preparation Days, he visits gorgeous places, plays volleyball, does laundry, and calls home.

There is a missionary mom on Tim’s mission Facebook page who sends out a reminder message every Monday, “Mamas, charge up your phones!” because that is the day we get to talk. Lately, we talk for a long time.

Some things that I admire about Elder Ross as a missionary:

  • He speaks positively about his companions.
  • He shows his humor superpowers when things don’t go as planned.
  • He seems to find things to like in everyone he meets.
  • He uses exclamation points in his emails to us, and this just lifts my day!
  • He took up social media even though that is not his jam.
  • He freely expresses gratitude.

Spring Cleanup

I want to remember this day of health, warmth, light, work, and family. It was a long winter for me, and a worrisome season. There are moments in life that you can’t predict or arrange, whose simple power is that they can soften stings and weariness. These few hours of work with my parents, Richard, and Mark are Spring Lake made me almost laugh at my burdens of the past few months. “Was THAT all you were carrying?” the sunlight and snowdrops* helped me to see. “Look around and feel better!” I stayed in the light and felt warm after months of battling the shivers.

*Snowdrop flowers rightfully symbolize empathy and consolation.