Motherhood – Page 42 – Letters from Home

Details vs. Vision

When people ask me, “So what are you going to do with all of that time now that you’re not home schooling?” I can’t agree that I have “all of that time.” In a related conversation, a mother of 6 in my ward, introducing herself, said, “I just stay at home.”

In my opinion, there is no “JUST” staying at home.

School, public or home, requires a lot from a parent. Raising children means doing most things with a lack of sleep, even when the baby years are over. It requires a lot of shopping. It involves renting instruments and buying music; there are trips to Scouts, ballet, and piano lessons. It’s getting up early to take them to seminary and staying up late waiting for them to come home from the dance. Good parenting is seeing that appropriate jobs are assigned and completed and that the family is exercising and eating healthy foods. It’s enforcing reading time and bedtime and limiting computer use. It’s saying no to sleepovers and inappropriate movies. Those are the details of parenting.

And then there is the vision part of parenting. It’s being aware of emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual, and physical needs. As children grow older, this becomes more complex. My best parenting takes place when I have a refrigerator full of food, a well-planned menu, and I have been reading my scriptures and saying my prayers. It’s at these times that I have the clearest vision of what my children need.

I prefer vision over details. I always have. So, with my extra hours in the morning, I will see that there is food in the refrigerator and that I’m maintaining my relationship with the Lord so I can have better understanding of His plan for us.

Someone suggested that when kids go to school it allows mothers to prepare themselves so they can be more present when their kids are home. I can’t completely agree because nothing comes automatically in family life. Just because I have time doesn’t mean I will use it well. Also, when I was home schooling, the Lord provided a way for me to do it all. I cooked our meals, cleaned our house, and at various times served as a Relief Society President, a primary teacher, a Cub Scout den leader, Cub Committee Chair, a member of a RS and Primary presidency, and a Young Women president… all while providing an education for my children.

During those home schooling years, Heavenly Father handled the vision and the details. And as I move forward, sometimes with teary eyes and heartache, I am trusting that this pattern will continue because I need just as much help as I did then.

Girls Camp!

I’m spending the week at Girls’ Camp. Yes, we all look this good at camp… under all that dirt.

Smile first.

Recently I watched a young child inch his way from the back of the room to the front to get closer to his mother during a meeting. He picked a spot on one of the front rows and gazed up at her, anticipating her return. As she walked to her seat, the child, obviously so anxious to be with his mother uttered a little, “Mama,” hoping for a hug and a joyful reunion. She was embarrassed and upset with him. As she picked him up, he read all of her signs and began to cry. She wasn’t happy to see him waiting for her on the front row, after all.

This person did something that is easy for us to do: we forget to smile first.

I’m feeling a bit forlorn today because I have to leave my boys for a few days. It makes me wish that I’d had more time to love them before I have to leave. I’ve spent the day folding their newly washed clothes and helping them plan a menu and shop for goodies. What I wish I could do is spend the day playing games with them. Circumstances have made that impossible. But maybe you could think of this mom today and remember to accept your children and not worry about things that don’t matter… especially what “other people might think” of your parenting if you decide to smile at them first and correct them later.

A letter to my Kindergarten boy

Dear Mark,

I am so proud of you. You have had a great Kindergarten year! Sometimes people can’t remember Kindergarten very well. Here are some things that I remember about this special year in your life.

Here's how you look when you're happy in the woods.

You came with us on all of our hikes and you were filled with wonder.

I like how you always help out when we make things in the kitchen.

Remember how we helped you learn your math facts? You learned them so well!

You had good times outside with the dog.

You painted a lot of sunsets. You are good at that!

You worked hard to learn how to write your letters well.

You learned a scary lesson when you got lost: "Stay with the pack!"

You saw the Hoover Dam from the bridge that shook with each passing car.

We didn't think you cared, but months later when we were talking about Geronimo, you said, "I saw his rifle!"

You did a good job in art class. Here is the day you made a mosaic with tiles.

Here is your mosaic. It's a sunset, of course!

T-ball was an important milestone for you.

You have a nifty red helmet and bat and you played really well!

Some mornings you did school in your pajamas, and that's kind of fun, isn't it?

You worked hard each Saturday to earn some time on the Wii.

You made a goal to read the Boxcar Children and you did it!

You have been such a smart, dedicated, and happy student. I love you!

I know you are looking forward to adding history and spelling to your subjects next year. You will be a great first grader! I love you, I love you, XOXOXOX -Mom

Happy Mothers Day from the Kids

Piano: Paige. Vocals: Daniel (harmony), Timothy, and Mark

Frontier

Each of us lives to forge a path through a frontier, a place no one has traveled. I don’t count myself as unique in my feelings, but it feels a bit lonely in my frontier today. Motherhood has always felt like parting curtain after curtain over vistas I could barely imagine. Paige has been the little pioneer who has borne the task of living the results of my reactions to each new vista.

I realized this week that my vision for my children during the past few years hasn’t stretched much past the age of 15. We’ve passed that ridge and now I feel more than a little suspended. I don’t want Paige to feel as suspended as I do. To whom can I talk? I worked for years to build a community among home educators here, but as the years have passed, Paige and Daniel’s age group has dwindled. In our church congregation I am one of the oldest mothers. Paige has no one her age who attends church. She never complains. I just keep telling her that Heavenly Father knows where she lives and that it will all work out. My question, through my certain knowledge of God’s hand in our lives is, “What do we do now?”

I feel a little jump of excitement inside for whatever is next. We’ll figure it out like we always do, remembering that Heavenly Father knows where we are.

Celebrate

Do you keep a treasure box of precious notes? I have a box in my closet filled with sweet gifts and cards from my children. My favorite are the spontaneous, misspelled notes which they obviously created themselves with no editor overstepping the bounds of their devotion.

It seems that only children have the courage to try to put their love into poetry. Should it be this way? Shouldn’t we be braver as we age, matching our growing appreciation with a little bit of sentiment? I believe that mothers’ acts of love help give us the capacity to love others because they are the best messengers to carry a portion of God’s love for us.

Let’s celebrate that, and be courageous in our gestures of gratitude.

What to do?

It’s Sunday, and that usually means extra church meetings for Richard and me. But today is special because it’s a rare, unscheduled 5th Sunday.

What to do?

I think I’ll take some time and reflect about the week. It was a big week.

The mornings brought seminary, school, visitors, and a trip to Tucson for some scriptures.

The afternoons involved more school, violin teaching, a bike ride with friends, grocery shopping, cleaning, playing with friends, a birthday party, and Piano Guild Auditions.

In the evenings, we had 4 baseball games, 2 practices, 3 ballet classes, one night working with the missionaries, Scout meetings, a Young Women activity, and one night out to dinner to celebrate the end of Piano Guild auditions. We had a youth temple trip all day on Saturday.

What do all of these activities have in common?

They produced a lot of laundry, my magnum opus.

I’ve learned that doing laundry provides a special key to knowledge about my family. As I empty pockets, I discover what is important to my little people. I see who played outside on the grass enough (I don’t hate grass stains. I encourage them.) and who needs to shower more often. I see evidence of baseball feats of skill, ballet workouts, weight training, bicycling (Love those mud stains up the back of the shirts…), and dirt play (which I also encourage). I can’t say that I love doing laundry, but I take pride in doing it and caring for our clothing.

We wear many clothes and play many roles, and it was a happy family reunion on Friday when our schedules eventually collided and we all met at the restaurant to celebrate a year of piano effort. The kids were dressed up in their Sunday best. Mark’s face was probably a bit sticky from birthday party food, I looked a bit bedraggled, and Richard was clad in his work outfit.

After a Saturday evening laundry marathon, the piles of laundry are neatly folded in their baskets and they smell fresh. It was a good week and now I get to enjoy this day of rest.

I’ll choose these memories

Last week I had sad news from extended family and weird challenges sprang up around me. I felt heavy and sorrowful. On the other hand, I had good news, too, and there were opportunities for me to serve and feel needed and this made me happy.

Someday when I look back at this time in my life it will be a smudged, incoherent image because of all of the activity, but I will work to see that the good memories will rise up and be more prominent than the bad.

I will remember how Mark’s little drawings cheer me. I will remember the love I feel for the people around me, of the fun times with the Young Women playing black light volleyball and hearing them sing.

I’ll remember how I much I enjoy Richard’s dinners from the grill and chats with him during a baseball game. I’ll think of the way Timothy twirls his hair when he reads to me and how Daniel looks when he’s acting grown up and unselfish. I will remember the way the little ballerinas watch Paige sweep into the dance studio and how she smiles when Richard teases her.

I’ll remember the good people who serve my family in the community, sports, and church.

I will be grateful for a husband who lets me sleep in and remembers to kiss me goodbye every morning.

The difficult things will just serve as a counterpoint, essential in emphasizing the good and forming character, but they won’t take a prominent place on the mantel.

Now I’m going to get back to work.

A supplement idea for a boy’s curriculum

Years ago a home school friend told me how amazing the Cub Scout and Boy Scout programs are as an educational tool. I never thought much about it until a few months ago when Timothy came up to me and told me that he wanted to earn his Bear Cub Scout rank faster than he had earned his Wolf. He had a plan for when he would work on it. He figured that since he was only required to write 3 journal entries a week, he could use the other 2 days normally dedicated to journal time to focus on Cub Scout requirements.

I love the initiative he showed here. We’ve been following his plan to work twice a week on Cub Scouts outside his normal Cub Scout meetings. Timothy is not my first Cub Scout, but I have discovered that my hesitant writer and artist will tackle all kinds of projects for scouts that he wouldn’t want to tackle if it were just for school.

I discovered that the requirements for our English program mirror some of the Cub Scout requirements to write a report and compose letters. The historical characters and locations tie in to our history studies. It’s a good supplement and Timothy likes the little badges and belt loops.

I have discovered that the Scouting program for older boys is also very good because it teaches Daniel to take the initiative and I like that a mentor (a merit badge counselor) helps him through each merit badge. Writing, leadership, reading, and research are great supplemental activities to what I try to teach at school, and you can’t beat the incentive of merit badges.

Which reminds me, I am very behind in attaching all of those merit badges. Scouting keeps me on my toes, too, which is why I fully deserve those mother’s pins they give out when a boy achieves a rank.