Motherhood – Page 40 – Letters from Home

Last Day of School

The kids finished school last week. We were busy, then suddenly, we were not. And the house was full of school papers to sort and the music room felt little bit empty without the cello we rented for the school year.

Those are real smiles, earned from a year of adjustment and work. They did a marvelous job. I don’t have a picture of Paige or Daniel because they promptly took off with friends once they got their freedom.

The social outcomes we had envisioned for our children when we sent them to public school were achieved this year. There were surprises and a few disappointments, but overall, I am so pleased at the growth I have seen and their broadening circle of friends.

Paquita

Paige is performing as a demi-solist in Paquita this week. Ballet is beautiful and rigorous. Paige’s feet are raw and her pointe shoes are bloody. I tell you this because she makes it look easy. She is strong and beautiful and we are so proud of her artistry and the sacrifices she has made to become a dancer.

I had no words for her last night as we drove home late from her dress rehearsal. I ached for her; I was proud of her; I didn’t say enough, I am sure. All I could do was buy her a milkshake and sit with her while she ate it. I have never experienced anything like she did at that grueling rehearsal last night.

Ballet is one of the lonely battles she faces. She’s an example of how to face difficulties and challenges with a smile and with grace. Only two more nights, Paige! You can do it!

You are an artist.

You are strong.

You are beautiful.

You are loved.

A Program, a Concert, and some Fashion

Timothy participated in his 4th grade program this week. It was a celebration of Utah, full of songs for voice and recorders, a fantastic choral reading, and he presented a flawless speech. It represented a year’s worth of Utah Studies and music. I loved it.

Mrs Johnson was a wonderful teacher for Timothy. This was her 35th year of teaching. She’s retiring this week and the school won’t be the same without her.

I have inherited my Great Aunt Susan’s wardrobe. It’s classy and smart with whimsical touches. I love fashion, but I don’t buy clothes very often for myself. It’s a real treat to wear her clothing. I wore this to Timothy’s program with a brown and white beaded necklace. I wore heels with the wide-legged pants and pulled my hair into a loose bun. Overdressed for a school program? Yes, but who cares.

We don’t have photographs of Daniel’s orchestra concert this week, but we were so proud of him for playing the solo for Beauty and the Beast on his cello. He did a great job and was a good sport about playing the girls’ choice of music for the finale: Firework by Katy Perry! I wore this outfit. I love the red corduroy peplum jacket with big buttons. The pants are a nice heavy knit, comfortable, but dressy.

And for church today, I wore this outfit. The beads belonged to my Great Grandmother Spencer. The jacket and dress were Susan’s.

This week there are two ballet performances to attend and two fancy outfits to plan. Although it feels a bit silly and indulgent to post photos of outfits, I am sure it won’t be a permanent habit. Oh, but I do love clothes.

My Day with Timothy

I got to spend the day with Timothy and four of his friends at This is the Place Heritage Park for a school field trip. Timothy is a good kid, laid-back and fun. These boys were adorable.

I am still not “over” being in Utah. I get so excited about seeing temples and monuments and churches everywhere. I kept waiting for the guides at the park to mention something about religion, but they didn’t. I suppose they aren’t allowed to talk about that with school groups. However, it’s impossible to tell the complete story of the Mormon pioneers without mentioning their faith. The pioneer journey wasn’t just a big trip. They were hunted because of their religion. They were motivated by their faith. They were led by someone with priesthood keys to organize such a trek. My ancestors rode with them. Some of my ancestors walked. They did it because they were being obedient to a prophet.

Despite religion not being mentioned, there was a feeling about the place, similar to the feeling at a national cemetery or memorial. As I looked up the green canyon where the pioneers entered the Salt Lake Valley, I felt it. When the 10-year old boys circled around the statue of Bodil Mortensen from the Willie Handcart Company and discovered that she died at age 10 and was their height, I felt it. As they lined up to pull handcarts, I felt the familiar swell of admiration and respect for the handcart pioneers.

It was a beautiful day, sunny and breezy and the canyon was so green. I bought the boys some candy and let them run. What a sweet day.

Mother Daughter Tea Party

This was the tea party Paige and I attended on Saturday for her ballet studio. It was an Alice in Wonderland themed party and it was full of beautiful mothers and daughters dressed up in their Sunday best, eating dainty finger sandwiches and petit fours. Paige danced. I have never seen a more elaborately decorated party. Mothers decorated each table differently. Many of the delights had little signs which read, “Eat me” and potions bottles with corks read, “Drink me”. There was the Mad Hatter, the Queen of Hearts, cards and hats aplenty.

I watch the little ballerinas and their mothers and it doesn’t seem like Paige should be one of the older girls. However, she has danced for eleven years. Eleven years. This is quite an accomplishment and we’re proud of her. Her last big recital will be in June. She’ll always dance, but not as many nights a week. It’s the end of an era.

First Grade Zoo Trip

Dear Mark,

When I was in first grade, I came to this same zoo for a field trip. I had such a good time that I wasn’t paying attention to my class loading the bus to go home and was almost left behind! On the way home that day, I counted all of the red cars on the freeway. You counted red cars, too. I think you counted 130 red cars between the zoo and your school.

I had a great time with you at the zoo, Mark. I liked the elephants, too. I thought the bird house wasn’t as smelly as it used to be. The little monkeys were my favorite. Do you remember the funny things we heard from kids as they looked at the animals?

Including, “It doesn’t get any better than this!”

and, “Sometimes when I get knocked out, I don’t remember how I got hurt.”

and our favorite, “Wow, bats are real?!!”

I enjoyed our picnic with granola and fruit drinks at Sugarhouse Park. I loved watching you run with all of the friends you have made in your class this year. I thought that you were a really fast runner. Thanks for letting me come with you.

Love,

Mom

P.S. I love your elephant picture and your bright orange hair.

What do you do all day?

“What do you do all day?” was a question someone asked me in December. This question doesn’t bother me, no matter how it is phrased or who asks it. I never feel the need to defend my decision to be present at home, but today I feel like celebrating my full life.

I volunteer at the school.

I spend 2 mornings with the first graders each week and volunteer for a short shift on another day to compile homework packets for the fourth graders. I observe the teachers as I do this. I learn the names of the children in the classes. I look at displays in the hallway. I don’t always enjoy hearing first grade literature, but I want to help them improve their reading skills. In the 8 months that I have done this, I have seen real progress. I have taught art classes to the first graders and helped them create their own Jackson Pollack paintings and also some mosaics. I have helped with class parties and I ran cash registers at the book fairs. This week I am going to the zoo with Mark’s class. I’m pretty nervous about this one.

I read. I study.

I keep quotes and notes of history and religious topics and fill up notebooks with ideas. I read less now than when I was teaching, probably because the new house has required so much of my time. Here is a list of what I have read since the school year began:

Theodore Boone: Kid Lawyer by John Grisham
Hatchet by Gary Paulsen
Lincoln: A Phogobiography by Russel Freedman
Captains Courageous by Rudyard Kipling
Okay for Now by Gary D. Schmidt
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
This Time Together: Laughter and Reflection by Carol Burnett
Peter the Great: His Life and World by Roberk K. Massie 1136 pages of Russian & European history, politics, and wars
Silas Marner by George Eliot
The Infinite Atonement by Tad R. Callister
So Far From the Bamboo Grove by Yoko Kawashima Watkins
Founding Mothers by Cokie Roberts
Autobiography of Parley P. Pratt
Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder
Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder
On the Banks of Plum Creek by Laura Ingalls Wilder
By the Shores of Silver Lake by Laura Ingalls Wilder
The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder
Little Town on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
These Happy Golden Years by Laura Ingalls Wilder
The First Four Years by Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oddfellow’s Orphanage by Emily Winfield Martin
For Times of Trouble by Jeffrey R. Holland
Love, Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli
C.S. Lewis: A Biography by Roger Lancelyn Green and Walter Hooper
Founding Rivals: Madison vs. Monroe: The Bill of Rights and the Election thatSaved a Nation by Chris DeRose
Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
Lady Almina and the Real Downton Abbey: The Lost Legacy of Highclere Castle by The Countess of Carnarvon
Tevye the Dairyman by Sholem Aleichem
Lark Rise to Candleford: A Trilogy by Flora Thompson (in progress)

I care for and organize our home.

I did a lot of organization projects this year, but it was a particular focus in April. We also moved forward with a few plumbing and painting projects. It feels so good to make the house our own. Here is a list of the things we did in April. I did the organization and painting. Richard did the wiring, plumbing, and ceiling repairs.

Mark’s room: removed old dresser and moved all clothing to his closet. I hung some more quilts on the wall. I love colorful quilts.
Paige’s room: Paige cleaned out her old wardrobe and moved all clothing to her closet in bins that I had found on sale.
Daniel’s room: I organized clothing and organized Legos and collections; we bought paint for his room.
Timothy’s room: We painted, replaced switches, outlets, and plates; we sealed the window to keep the spiders out!
Storage room: I filled new bins to store all of our winter gear.
Craft room: I hung curtains in the closet, rearranged furniture, placed everything in containers, applied new plates on walls, and hung pictures
Upstairs family room: I found an inexpensive piece of artwork that I LOVE for one of the empty walls
Front yard: We planted daisies in planter on the doorstep.
Downstairs bathroom: We repainted, repaired the tub, added new caulk, added new hardware and textiles; we replaced the toilet, replaced switches, outlets, and plates, and sealed the window to keep the spiders out.
Basement: Richard replaced and repaired ceiling tiles.
Mudroom: I filled bins with winter gear and baseball gear, neatly labeled them, and placed them on shelves.
Upstairs bathroom: We sealed the shower, replaced the shower head, and deep cleaned the grout.
Upstairs living room/piano room: I hung TWO gold curtain panels.

I do all of the shopping and laundry and a lot of driving.

I bought winter wardrobes for every member of the family and shopped the sales for more bedding. With my extra time, I can shop more carefully for groceries and other things. I am in the car driving kids at least an hour a day.

I pursue personal interests.

I spent January compiling our family photo album for 2012; February was a month of musical performances; March and April I spent writing my grandmother’s history. I have joined a quilting group and will begin my first real pieced quilt this week. Richard and I enjoy creating media. In February, Richard and I revamped our “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” inspired trivia game about the Book of Mormon because we wanted it to be extra special for a mutual activity. The improved graphics, sounds, and hundreds of questions were a hit. I watch BBC dramas regularly, thanks to the library and Netflix. I write real letters to people.

I fulfill church responsibilities.

I am a visiting teacher to three women and I volunteer to watch the 5 month old quadruplets that live a few doors away. This service has helped me to find friendship among the women in my neighborhood. The quadruplets brighten my days.

I am a leader in the Young Women organization at church. I teach Sunday lessons and attend Mutual activities on Wednesday nights. I study for hours and hours to prepare lessons.

I spend time finding joy and feeling grateful.

I spend almost the same amount of time on education for my children as before, only it’s redirected. I have never felt like my day goes by slowly. I have less solitude than I expected, and I am happy.

I believe that I am blessed and I don’t know why. I see good women who have to struggle with things that I have never had to face. I’m blessed, but I have also made choices about how to spend my life and in the attitude that I adopt.

I believe that my life at home offers me so many possibilities. I can study what I wish; I have time to volunteer; I have the flexibility to NOT volunteer; I have leisure time, as well as a healthy dose of work. My life is good, and I am thankful for Richard who has always made it possible for me to be home where I want to be and where I believe my children need me to be.

Progress for women doesn’t just take the form of career opportunities. The more I read and learn, the more it becomes clear that my life is a dream vacation compared to what most women in history have experienced. It’s real progress for women to be free from want and ignorance. I’m not trying to keep my children from starving. I have time to study scriptures and other subjects with them after school; I have time and the means to shop for clothing and shoes. I don’t spend much time doing laundry or washing dishes. We have time to read and have access to great schools and libraries. I can get a job if I need to, even though I am married. It wasn’t that long ago that married women couldn’t have a job as a teacher. I’m thankful that this opportunity is there for me. I have the freedom to take a career, turn away from a career, or postpone a career. I admire the women who are raising children on their own and who work and do everything else. I cheer for those single mothers who shine, despite a difficult situation, and continue to raise amazing children.

I love my life. Sometimes I love my life because I can use my knowledge and talents to bless my family. I think I have drawn from everything I have learned in school and experience in my parenting. Sometimes I love my life, not because I am good at something, but because I have applied myself and find satisfaction in the work. Sometimes I love my life because I have had a glimpse of what my great-grandmothers’ lives were like and the contrast makes me feel so grateful. I love my life when I look at my children and I feel like I really know them.

Do I have problems in my relationships? Yes. Does my body give out sometimes? Yes. Do I have frustrating conversations with my children? Yes. Do I get tired of cooking? Yes. Do I love to be a chauffeur? No. But I am grateful, so grateful for my life, so full of possibilities and people, books and cozy corners in which to study them, and for children and all that comes with them. Most of all, I feel very thankful for Richard whose love, career, and sacrifices have made so many of my life’s joys possible.

She did it!

My mom graduated from BYU this week.

It was such a happy occasion.

This is the family who came to cheer for her.

The Sanchez girls are all BYU graduates now. Here are a few of the grandchildren. I asked Matthew to move his hair so at least one eye was visible for the photo. Anna thought that I was talking to everyone, so she’s doing her best to just show only one eye. Oh, that girl makes me smile. We drove down to Spring Lake and had a big party. Susan decorated the yard with flags and the interior with all things BYU. It was so festive!

As Richard drove the cake from the bakery, Sparky decided to jump on top of the plastic cover, destroying the decorations. The bakery was kind enough to redecorate it.

I am so thankful for my mom’s example of sacrifice and unselfishness, her persistence and flexibility. I have seen that her decision to focus on her family before her own college dreams has blessed our lives. She always said with confidence that she made the decision to leave school because it was the right thing for her to do. She didn’t complain about it to us. I always felt that she chose me and the other children and she was happy about it. She embraced being a mother and helped my dad to build his business. She shared herself. She was present. She was involved in our education. She prepared our meals and volunteered at the schools. She read to us. She disciplined us. She was always reading and she filled our home with books. Her consistent presence at home was an anchor and a shield against trouble in my life.

She went back to school in 2006 and set plans for a graduation date. She and my dad were called to be missionaries from 2007-2010, and her college books went back on the shelf during those years. She learned Spanish on her mission and when she came back she worked hard to receive college credit for her language skills. The things that she has learned in literature, cooking, family relations and child development courses will continue to be a blessing to our family. The narrative biography she wrote about her parents for a family history course is a treasure.

I am so happy for her because she completed her degree. She is the best woman that I know. Her choices have blessed our family and hundreds of youth, missionaries, investigators, teachers, and neighbors. It was good to celebrate her life.

Variations on a Theme

We have had many methods of listing jobs at our house. Most of the time I’ve written out the lists on bits of paper, but I am not very consistent. I decided it was time to do something new with our job lists.

My new job chart system had to

indicate levels of importance to help the kids prioritize,
incorporate large and small tasks, as well as daily and weekly tasks,
provide an incentive,
look pretty enough to keep in a prominent place in the kitchen.

I made about 50 magnets. The green magnets indicate personal scripture study. The white magnets indicate making beds and doing homework. Yellow and red are for music and dance. These colors remain constant each day and are placed in order of importance.

The dark blue and light blue tasks rotate. The dark blue tasks are “big jobs” and the light blue tasks are “little jobs”. Most days each child has one big job to do and one small job. The big jobs are things such as changing sheets or weeding. Little jobs are things such as emptying a rack of the dishwasher or picking up toys in a common area or putting away laundry. I don’t have personal hygiene items listed on the job chart. The kids seem to do pretty well with this without incentives or cute reminders.

When a job is completed, the kid turns the magnet upside down. This saves time. As for the incentive, each job completed is one point. Each night I add the points to a running total. When the kids collectively earn 100 points, I take them out to eat. The system is forgiving; I understand that some days are busier than others, so I put up fewer jobs. Also, if a child is swamped with school work, they know what jobs are most important and they work from left to right. If they don’t get one of the last jobs completed, no big deal. They know that they have done the most important things.

If there is a job that I don’t have a magnet for, I just put up the magnet that reads “Help Mom” and they ask me what to do.

So far, the kids and I really like this system.

If you are interested, here are the details of how I made it: The letters are stickers from the scrapbook aisle. The square magnet/dry erase board and easel are from Walmart. I made a list of the jobs that need to be done and ranked them according to importance, frequency, and size. I assigned colors for each category. I typed the jobs on bright circles of color and printed them on glossy photo paper. I cut out the circles, glued them to round magnets and then glued the glass stones on top. I used round magnets and epoxy.

The job chart came about because we had so much success with our family home evening chart which I made in September. Making crafty wall hangings is not my thing, but stretching myself to do this has really helped our family. There is accountability, fairness, and I LOVE the lessons that my children prepare. This chart has made our family home evenings a success. The jobs which rotate are Prayer, Song, Lesson, “Helper”, Conduct, & Treats.

I made the family home evening chart with vinyl rub-on letters which were not very forgiving. Stickers are definitely a better method for a beginner like me. The metal board with the frame was on clearance at Hobby Lobby.

These charts fulfilled personal progress goals that I am working on as a leader and a mother in Young Women.

Life Scout

My good friend in Sahuarita introduced me to this ribbon to keep a mother’s Scouting pins. I think it is a great idea and I enjoy the memories when I see the little Bobcat pin, his Arrow of Light, and others. (I’m missing the First Class pin.) There is only one rank left for Daniel: Eagle. He’s considering several ideas for his project and he’s working on the BIG 3 required merit badges that take 3 months to complete.

Here is Daniel receiving his Life rank last week. I love the looks on the leaders’ faces. I’m grateful for what Scouting teaches Daniel. I am thankful for men who take so much time to be with the boys and for their families who faithfully send them off to camp each month.

Richard and I find that a common theme in our conversation lately is milestones completed. Soon Daniel won’t be going on campouts each month. Timothy completed his final Pinewood Derby. Paige is driving. College, high school, and big decisions are coming. I hope that they have enjoyed childhood. I love watching them grow, even though it means that they don’t need me as much anymore. The process of the children gaining independence doesn’t allow me to be a constant spectator, but I am here, perhaps less involved on a physical level, but more involved on a spiritual level. I’m praying for them all day long.