Motherhood – Page 38 – Letters from Home

Smile!

“Maybe you’ll find some money when you get home from school today…” I meekly replied to Mark when he discovered that the Tooth Fairy had forgotten to take his tooth.

You’d think that the Tooth Fairy would be able to remember to leave some money for this boy (he lost the tooth right before bedtime) but no, that Tooth Fairy is always running behind schedule with our family. The kids sometimes wait for days. We began leaving the teeth on the mantel so the Tooth Fairy might remember better, but that Tooth Fairy is incorrigible.

I just checked. There is money on the mantel! Better late than never, Tooth Fairy.

Love is

…shoveling your wife’s side of the driveway at 5:30 a.m. before you rush off to work.

I love the snow. It’s the incessant days of school and work, just after we get reconnected at Christmas that makes January feel long.

I am going to make something to hang from a ceiling today because garlands and buntings always make me smile.

Never mind. I just got a call to bring treats for the fifth graders in a couple of hours. Eek.

And then Richard and I will go out to eat and celebrate new snow, a month over, Mark feeling well again, and the stain that I finally got out of the carpet.

Trust

Mark has a cough this week. Boo. Tonight after reading to him I had the impression that I should stay for a while longer. It was the right thing to do because he ended up coughing until he threw up.

He asked if there was any medicine that would make it all go away. I reassured him that he probably wouldn’t have the same trouble again tonight and that his experience was pretty normal for croup. That seemed to calm him.

I am awake in the bed beside his, listening to him breathing softly and enjoying the cool, moist air from the humidifier. I was thinking how the years have taught me how to care for a sick child. How little I knew when Paige was born. How little I still know sometimes. I have learned that in these times when I don’t know what to do, I can trust the impressions that I have from our Father in Heaven urging me to go to the doctor or to sit with them a little while longer.

Job satisfaction

I have been watching episodes of The Wonder Years in the background of my days while the kids are away. Season 3 is my favorite. Nearly episode makes me cry tears of memory, regret, and nostalgia. I love how they depict the mother in that show. Norma is the stay-at-home mom of the 1960’s. She keeps a spotless home and she is almost always in the kitchen. I snicker when I see the scenes where the family sits at the table, watching her cook, waiting for their meal to appear. While a woman working in the kitchen alone seems antiquated, I find that her presence in the kitchen and home is one of the things that draws me to the show. She magnifies the feeling of “home.” It is good that her family can count on her.

But Norma 1. isn’t real and 2. represents a different time. However, comparing my life to a stay-at-home mother (Norma) of the 1960’s can be instructive. On the positive side, I have more appliances to do the work that Norma did. I have an education and opportunities that Norma didn’t have. While I keep house and cook a lot, it’s with diminished expectations (my family doesn’t just sit and watch me do everything). On the negative side, the network of stay-at-home moms that Norma enjoyed is gone. In almost every neighborhood that we have lived, my stay-at-home life has been LONELY because so many women are at work during the day. Now that I have sent the kids to school, the house feels extremely lonely.

Is it the best use of my life to be by myself most of the day? Many women decide to get more education or go to work when their kids are all in school. Why don’t I want to do these things?

Should I be doing more? These thoughts don’t come from any feeling of boredom; I honestly have plenty to do. These thoughts don’t come from any feelings of inferiority. I know that I am capable and of value. However, something influences my thoughts and implies that what I do may not be enough.

No job has a 100% satisfaction rate and everyone is under-appreciated in some way, but it would be nice if there were fewer voices telling me that what I am doing is not enough.

The voices distill from hundreds of sources and have surrounded me my whole life. Even The Cosby Show’s mother needed to be an attorney to be relevant. Homemakers are parodied and trivialized almost everywhere. Feminist messages affect me, not in a way that entices me to agree with them, but they perplex me because I don’t feel the same angst. Am I missing something because I don’t share their frustration?

“What do you DO all day?” (said in an accusatory voice) and “Women should be allowed to realize their full potential in the workplace!” are some echoing remarks that I feel obligated to think about, but they don’t influence me to change my personal choices. I have exhausting exchanges in my mind where I try to defend my lifestyle to a critic. I lose every time. But that doesn’t mean that I am wrong. I’ve always been a poor debater. And what is right for my life isn’t right for everyone. Amen.

I acknowledge that I am in a privileged position to have the option to stay home instead of go to work. It’s important to me that it’s understood that we make financial sacrifices so I can stay home, too.

Perhaps it could be said that I sacrificed a bit of personal ambition to be a homemaker. I didn’t pursue a career that I loved. I have walked away from obligations that required too much time away from family, but these either never did or no longer feel like sacrifices. My small sacrifice is that I endure some degree of physical, emotional, and intellectual loneliness to be a full-time homemaker.

I enjoy a lot of freedom, so it seems a little silly to say that I sacrifice much of anything to take care of my home and family full-time. I’m going to continue as a modern version of Norma for a while longer. I think I’m needed here at home more than anywhere else. It’s one of those lovely paradoxes of life that after “sacrificing” for my family, I have an abundance of options before me in the walls of the home I have helped create.

Disclaimer: Please don’t get in a fluff over this post if you disagree with my thoughts. I’m not writing about anyone but myself and Norma here.

Stymied

Can’t… come… up… with… content. Sorry, family and friends. I have nothing palatable to write this week. I’ve been trying to write a thoughtful post for days, but I feel stymied.

Is it because I have been reading Tolstoy and feel my lack more deeply than usual?

Is it because I am trying to wrap my head around the new year?

Is it because I am so busy trying to get physical things in order at the house that I can’t write?

Is it because what I feel like writing about is too personal?

Is it because my internet has been wonky this week? (If wonky isn’t a word, it should be. It describes our internet service perfectly.)

It’s all of those things and probably more.

Here are some photos of what I have been doing this week. Hey, my life is boring, but it’s mine and I love it.

IMG_20140116_145814 — One day I went through all of the boys’ clothing and placed size labels on each hand-me-down. Apparently I do NOT need any more size 8 pants for boys. I feel defeated by clothing. Daniel’s current rate of growth means he wears something for only a few weeks and then it’s too short. Keeping him in adequate Sunday pants is too much for me, apparently.

IMG_20140116_145925 — Our current filing system just wasn’t working for us, (stashed beneath our bed on a box top which we would slide out when necessary) so this week I fixed that.

IMG_20140116_150041 — This may seem trivial, but I have gained a testimony of labeled photos, having worked on two significant family history projects this year. I labeled our photos this week and felt old doing it. Where have my babies gone?

IMG_20140116_150136 — I updated the photos on the refrigerator and put smiles on my children’s faces by doing it. I now have all of the new family members represented on the refrigerator and some highlights from 2013 to cheer us. I love my photo-laden refrigerator. It keeps me company.

IMG_20140116_150111 — I decorated the mantel and shelves in my kitchen. Oh, the clean, fresh start that January gives to us! I love how uncluttered things feel at this moment. Of course I loved every Christmas card and decoration that we had on these spaces a month ago, but the change is good.

IMG_20140116_150216 — Have I ever posted a picture of my food storage room? It’s one of my favorite corners of the house. Having food is comforting and it takes work. I shop often so I can keep these shelves full. This week I bought oodles of cereal, sugar, and crackers. I have one can of Spam, but I can’t bring myself to serve it. I bought it in 2008.

IMG_20140116_150444 — I went to IKEA with my sisters and mom the other day and bought some textiles. This is Mark’s new rug. I like it so much.

IMG_20140116_150508 — I have been working on the 2013 scrapbook. I’m terribly proud of it.

IMG_20140116_150522 — I had forgotten that we went to San Francisco. How does someone forget San Francisco? It’s good to revisit those memories. That was a good day.

Well, I feel better for the sharing. Not sure if you’ll benefit from any of this, but it was good therapy for me.

Wrapping Up

IMG_1144-001 Hello, it’s been a while. We’ve been busy wrapping up projects and goals, reading fat books, and being a complete family again.

During the final weeks of the year Richard and I spend a lot of time wrapping up the lessons and events of the year into a video to send to the grandparents. The kids perform their piano pieces and we make a music video where we lip sync a funny song. My favorite part of the video is the slideshow. We choose music to accompany the images from the year. I watch these videos again and again. I love the memories. My Stewart grandparents say that it is part of their Christmas Eve tradition to watch our video each year. It’s a way that we try to reach out to family far away, but I know that I watch these videos more than anyone.

We threw 3 parties. One was a pizza and game party for Daniel and his friends. Next was Timothy’s birthday.

Timothy turned 11 just before Christmas and we threw him the traditional gingerbread house making party and ate red velvet cake. He finished all of the activity pins for Webelos (Scouts) just before his birthday. He earned every one.

The big family party to celebrate my parents’ anniversary was next. Daniel received an autographed cast picture of Studio C from his uncle that evening. Timothy is being a clown. Aside from the slideshow that we presented of my parents’ marriage, I was most proud of the decorations upstairs and lights we hung across the ceiling in the basement to make our stage magical.

With the kids home I have felt so happy because we haven’t had to go anywhere. Someone asked what we did for Christmas. After I said that we had thrown a big family party, they wondered what ELSE we had done. I couldn’t come up with anything big that we had done, but my mind wandered to what was accomplished without leaving the neighborhood.

I played my violin in church. That’s always an epoch in my life.

We made 20 pints of salsa and delivered them to the neighbors since the thought of baking was making me grumpy.

The kids played in a Christmas piano recital.

We were invited to celebrate Joseph Smith’s birthday on December 23rd with two other families up the street for Family Home Evening. This was super fun. We ate stew and cornbread, sang, had a lesson about the Prophet Joseph, and listened to the kids play the piano.

We took the kids to see Frozen in the theater on Christmas Eve afternoon.

We watched Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas concerts on video and opened simple gifts. On Christmas morning, the kids were surprised by Legos and technology. My favorite gifts were the exercise balls that the little boys received. They bounce around on them all of the time. It makes me happy to see kids playing like that. We never have great pictures of Christmas celebrations, but you can probably picture us on our sofa in the basement, Christmas lights everywhere and the fire place warming the room. Small gifts inspire hugs and smiles and in the simplicity is the magic.

We rested and watched Christmas movies such as It’s A Wonderful Life and Mr Kruger’s Christmas. Oh, we needed this. The boys went skiing, but I didn’t do much away from home. Shopping was minimal. Daniel and Richard rebuilt the kids’ computer.

Richard and I went out to dinner one evening. We’re still on the search for a good local Mexican restaurant. We have very discriminating tastes, having lived in Texas, Arizona, and Provo, Utah where good Mexican food (or Tex-Mex) is everywhere.

December 31st was the day Paige got her driver license and I tried to finish reading both The Book of Mormon and War and Peace. I only finished The Book of Mormon in time to ring in the new year. Timothy and Mark stayed up until midnight for the first time in their lives, but Timothy was the only one to truly celebrate. He jumped up and went to everyone’s rooms to wish them Happy New Year!

I dressed in layers and loved the bright sunshine reflected from the snow through my windows. I have twirled in place this week because this life makes me so happy.

As January arrived, I was slow to put away the Christmas decorations, but once they were away, I enjoyed the empty shelves and clean slate that appeared in our home.

Things are getting a little busier each day.

Richard’s parents visited and we went to Gladys’s place to wish her a happy birthday.

We went to the airport to welcome Richard’s niece home from her mission. Richard was very clear that he wanted each of us to hold a letter of her name to greet her at the airport. This attention to a decorative detail was a new side of him that I haven’t seen before. He truly wanted to make his niece’s homecoming a special time.

This morning I finished reading War and Peace. When I introduce myself for the next while, I will say, “My name is Angela and I have read War and Peace.” 😉

Part of the end of the year wrap up is the writing of thank you notes and Christmas cards. This brings to mind so many people who have influenced our lives for good throughout the year. On that note, I will end this post. Thank you, Readers, for sharing your time to read about us.

Happy New Year. There will be many more posts to come. Life is precious and worth writing about.

A Six Word Post

Celebrating!

Good kids

Legal

Illness

Home!

Winter sunrise

It’s so dark when the older kids leave for school. This week it was my turn to drive to early morning jazz band. To validate my super human efforts for the musical education of our youth, I took a photo at a red light after I dropped them off. I can’t love winter mornings, but that promise of light making the sky turn blue in the east is a grand thing.

One benefit to not washing your car is the Milky Way effect from the flecks of dry salt on the windshield which reflect light. Stunning!

When it’s cold like this (I mean January-type cold) I just keep spinning it to be a good thing and voila! It is!

My buddy

Here is Mark in his new suit and fresh haircut. I couldn’t resist taking a picture of him. At church this week I let him skip Primary and come to class with me. In the hallway someone reminded me that it’s good for kids to face their troubles, which is a good insight… but not for us today. I have learned that sometimes a child just needs a little break and he can face his troubles better next time. Also, I can’t discount the effect that Richard’s absence is having on the little hearts in our family, and I think that extra love is needed.

Preparation

The little boys spent the weekend dressing up in layers of superhero awesomeness and throwing glow sticks in the dark.

Paige worked on a painting and performed her concerto for some judges (amazing!). She and Richard stayed up late working on math, much to Richard’s delight.

Daniel showed off his web design skills for his dad and helped clean out the gutters.

Richard worked on the leaves (a never-ending project) until he stepped on a rusty nail in the garden. Boo!

My dad took us out to dinner for my birthday. I chose Los Hermanos in downtown Provo as the restaurant, of course.

I played the violin in church with Paige as my accompanist. People loved seeing Paige up there with me. A good friend reminded me that we have a year and a half left to play together and that we need to cherish it.

I spent last night preparing mentally for the week ahead. I took Richard to the airport and then drove home without the radio and let the silence seep into my soul. I read to the boys from The Two Towers until Mark fell asleep nestled up beside me. After the bedtime routines, I made lists and menus, looked up maps and recipes, and searched for library books that are due. I made play dough for the second graders. I went to sleep listening to the Mormon Tablernacle Choir and then Alfie Boe.

It was a good weekend. I think I’m ready to face the week.