Mark met a girl at school last year who took an active interest in figuring out why I don’t have a job like her mom. She has talked to me about it and scolded me for just staying home. During our conversations, I have learned that I am hearing her father’s opinions (or her interpretation of his opinions) through her. At school she tells Mark that her family is rich and that she owns 50 horses.
Last night, Mark asked us, “So how DO you get rich?”
He had been thinking… If this little girl at school was rich, it must be because both of her parents work. He gently suggested that I could get a job.
Wealth, to Mark, we discovered, would mean having more video games.
That’s so funny that he thinks I would spend my paycheck on video games. Ha! Regardless of our wealth, I will continue to be the major impediment to a life of video game ecstasy in the lives of my children, for which they will thank me someday, but not today.
I think there are things we can do to teach the value of each person’s contributions in our family. I think we do this through assigning jobs to our children and Working Beside Them. We can show appreciation verbally for jobs well done. As a homemaker, I can express the joy this brings to me and the appreciation I have for Richard who makes our comfortable life possible. And we can be kind to those who belittle our efforts.
Now, let me say unequivocally that I am thrilled with the educational and other opportunities that are available to women. I treasure the fact that the backbreaking work and domestic drudgery required of women has been reduced in much of the world because of modern conveniences and that women are making such magnificent contributions in every field of endeavor. But if we allow our culture to reduce the special relationship that children have with mothers and grandmothers and others who nurture them, we will come to regret it.
These frames are at Michaels in the dollar bins. These are Easter time pictures of each of the kids when they were about two years old. They were all such little sweeties.
I still have so many blank walls in the house. It’s daunting for me to decorate because I don’t put something on the wall unless it is meaningful to me, and that’s a tall order. I’ve been working on a few photo projects to cover some of these empty spaces in the house. I found this collage frame and filled it with photos of Richard and me for our bedroom.
As you can see, it’s still not on the wall. I have so many ideas, but perfectionism gets in the way.
Look at this picture I found:
Tres chic, I know. The baby’s hat! The scarf! The distinguished young man!
In other news, Richard had a birthday.
I made him good things to eat. What did he ask for? Lentil soup, steak, and lemon bars. Steaks are for the weekend. The Young Men were short on rides to the mountains for a night sledding expedition, so that’s what he did on his birthday. He went night sledding with the neighborhood teenage boys.
Paige took her first sick day since going to public school this week. She’s working on an art project with this selfie. She’s feeling better today.
Daniel is working the microphones for the school play. He goes to school at 6:45 a.m. and comes home for dinner, then back again for the performance. He likes working on the stage crew. He got his first taste of it when Paige was dancing in Arizona:
He’s a lot taller now.
I am going to begin teaching violin lessons next week. You have no idea how I agonized over my inability, then my lack of time, and finally my monthly rate. All of my creative energy this week went into that decision and then I took to my bed for a day in exhaustion and with an upset stomach. I’m such a Victorian that I should carry around smelling salts. Despite my turmoil, I believe it will help me to be teaching again.
My brother-in-law Richard tells me that in Utah, the holiday is called Washington and Lincoln Day. Well, we celebrated it by climbing rocks.
Did you notice that Sparky is smiling in that one?
Well, that’s all for today. I need to get back to sorting papers, magazines, and toys from all of the baskets on our shelves. So far I have discovered that we have missed several non-required school assignments, allowed numerous gift certificates to expire, and that I need to stop hoarding personal letters. I also need to part with about 15 years of Taste of Home magazines. I just know that if I get rid of them, I am sure to be called to the Relief Society and have to plan meals for masses of people again and I will need those “recipes for feeding a crowd”. Come to think of it, perhaps it’s good insurance to keep them around.
We have made our first valentine box ever. Ta da! It’s a Kleenex box and lids from milk containers. It took 10 minutes plus drying time. That’s my kind of craft. Mark and the boys are totally pleased with this Lego replica.
“Maybe you’ll find some money when you get home from school today…” I meekly replied to Mark when he discovered that the Tooth Fairy had forgotten to take his tooth.
You’d think that the Tooth Fairy would be able to remember to leave some money for this boy (he lost the tooth right before bedtime) but no, that Tooth Fairy is always running behind schedule with our family. The kids sometimes wait for days. We began leaving the teeth on the mantel so the Tooth Fairy might remember better, but that Tooth Fairy is incorrigible.
I just checked. There is money on the mantel! Better late than never, Tooth Fairy.
…shoveling your wife’s side of the driveway at 5:30 a.m. before you rush off to work.
I love the snow. It’s the incessant days of school and work, just after we get reconnected at Christmas that makes January feel long.
I am going to make something to hang from a ceiling today because garlands and buntings always make me smile.
Never mind. I just got a call to bring treats for the fifth graders in a couple of hours. Eek.
And then Richard and I will go out to eat and celebrate new snow, a month over, Mark feeling well again, and the stain that I finally got out of the carpet.
Mark has a cough this week. Boo. Tonight after reading to him I had the impression that I should stay for a while longer. It was the right thing to do because he ended up coughing until he threw up.
He asked if there was any medicine that would make it all go away. I reassured him that he probably wouldn’t have the same trouble again tonight and that his experience was pretty normal for croup. That seemed to calm him.
I am awake in the bed beside his, listening to him breathing softly and enjoying the cool, moist air from the humidifier. I was thinking how the years have taught me how to care for a sick child. How little I knew when Paige was born. How little I still know sometimes. I have learned that in these times when I don’t know what to do, I can trust the impressions that I have from our Father in Heaven urging me to go to the doctor or to sit with them a little while longer.
I have been watching episodes of The Wonder Years in the background of my days while the kids are away. Season 3 is my favorite. Nearly episode makes me cry tears of memory, regret, and nostalgia. I love how they depict the mother in that show. Norma is the stay-at-home mom of the 1960’s. She keeps a spotless home and she is almost always in the kitchen. I snicker when I see the scenes where the family sits at the table, watching her cook, waiting for their meal to appear. While a woman working in the kitchen alone seems antiquated, I find that her presence in the kitchen and home is one of the things that draws me to the show. She magnifies the feeling of “home.” It is good that her family can count on her.
But Norma 1. isn’t real and 2. represents a different time. However, comparing my life to a stay-at-home mother (Norma) of the 1960’s can be instructive. On the positive side, I have more appliances to do the work that Norma did. I have an education and opportunities that Norma didn’t have. While I keep house and cook a lot, it’s with diminished expectations (my family doesn’t just sit and watch me do everything). On the negative side, the network of stay-at-home moms that Norma enjoyed is gone. In almost every neighborhood that we have lived, my stay-at-home life has been LONELY because so many women are at work during the day. Now that I have sent the kids to school, the house feels extremely lonely.
Is it the best use of my life to be by myself most of the day? Many women decide to get more education or go to work when their kids are all in school. Why don’t I want to do these things?
Should I be doing more? These thoughts don’t come from any feeling of boredom; I honestly have plenty to do. These thoughts don’t come from any feelings of inferiority. I know that I am capable and of value. However, something influences my thoughts and implies that what I do may not be enough.
No job has a 100% satisfaction rate and everyone is under-appreciated in some way, but it would be nice if there were fewer voices telling me that what I am doing is not enough.
The voices distill from hundreds of sources and have surrounded me my whole life. Even The Cosby Show’s mother needed to be an attorney to be relevant. Homemakers are parodied and trivialized almost everywhere. Feminist messages affect me, not in a way that entices me to agree with them, but they perplex me because I don’t feel the same angst. Am I missing something because I don’t share their frustration?
“What do you DO all day?” (said in an accusatory voice) and “Women should be allowed to realize their full potential in the workplace!” are some echoing remarks that I feel obligated to think about, but they don’t influence me to change my personal choices. I have exhausting exchanges in my mind where I try to defend my lifestyle to a critic. I lose every time. But that doesn’t mean that I am wrong. I’ve always been a poor debater. And what is right for my life isn’t right for everyone. Amen.
I acknowledge that I am in a privileged position to have the option to stay home instead of go to work. It’s important to me that it’s understood that we make financial sacrifices so I can stay home, too.
Perhaps it could be said that I sacrificed a bit of personal ambition to be a homemaker. I didn’t pursue a career that I loved. I have walked away from obligations that required too much time away from family, but these either never did or no longer feel like sacrifices. My small sacrifice is that I endure some degree of physical, emotional, and intellectual loneliness to be a full-time homemaker.
I enjoy a lot of freedom, so it seems a little silly to say that I sacrifice much of anything to take care of my home and family full-time. I’m going to continue as a modern version of Norma for a while longer. I think I’m needed here at home more than anywhere else. It’s one of those lovely paradoxes of life that after “sacrificing” for my family, I have an abundance of options before me in the walls of the home I have helped create.
Disclaimer: Please don’t get in a fluff over this post if you disagree with my thoughts. I’m not writing about anyone but myself and Norma here.
Can’t… come… up… with… content. Sorry, family and friends. I have nothing palatable to write this week. I’ve been trying to write a thoughtful post for days, but I feel stymied.
Is it because I have been reading Tolstoy and feel my lack more deeply than usual?
Is it because I am trying to wrap my head around the new year?
Is it because I am so busy trying to get physical things in order at the house that I can’t write?
Is it because what I feel like writing about is too personal?
Is it because my internet has been wonky this week? (If wonky isn’t a word, it should be. It describes our internet service perfectly.)
It’s all of those things and probably more.
Here are some photos of what I have been doing this week. Hey, my life is boring, but it’s mine and I love it.
One day I went through all of the boys’ clothing and placed size labels on each hand-me-down. Apparently I do NOT need any more size 8 pants for boys. I feel defeated by clothing. Daniel’s current rate of growth means he wears something for only a few weeks and then it’s too short. Keeping him in adequate Sunday pants is too much for me, apparently.Our current filing system just wasn’t working for us, (stashed beneath our bed on a box top which we would slide out when necessary) so this week I fixed that.This may seem trivial, but I have gained a testimony of labeled photos, having worked on two significant family history projects this year. I labeled our photos this week and felt old doing it. Where have my babies gone?I updated the photos on the refrigerator and put smiles on my children’s faces by doing it. I now have all of the new family members represented on the refrigerator and some highlights from 2013 to cheer us. I love my photo-laden refrigerator. It keeps me company.I decorated the mantel and shelves in my kitchen. Oh, the clean, fresh start that January gives to us! I love how uncluttered things feel at this moment. Of course I loved every Christmas card and decoration that we had on these spaces a month ago, but the change is good.Have I ever posted a picture of my food storage room? It’s one of my favorite corners of the house. Having food is comforting and it takes work. I shop often so I can keep these shelves full. This week I bought oodles of cereal, sugar, and crackers. I have one can of Spam, but I can’t bring myself to serve it. I bought it in 2008.I went to IKEA with my sisters and mom the other day and bought some textiles. This is Mark’s new rug. I like it so much.I have been working on the 2013 scrapbook. I’m terribly proud of it.I had forgotten that we went to San Francisco. How does someone forget San Francisco? It’s good to revisit those memories. That was a good day.
Well, I feel better for the sharing. Not sure if you’ll benefit from any of this, but it was good therapy for me.
