It’s the last day of summer break. The business of preparation, despite its being related to school, has diverted my attention from the reality that our days at home and in the woods are almost gone. Just over that ridge is a series of new adventures with books, music, sports, and friends. I feel some excitement for what’s ahead for the kids. It will be a good year.
The late afternoon sun made a golden light behind my two sons’ frames. Daniel and Mark were at their busiest and best among the rocks, knee-deep in the cold mountain stream. There were rocks to move to shore up the wall, and they attacked the project with intensity. I watched them from the wooden slats above, enjoying the teamwork, masculine camaraderie, and those moments when they invited me into their wonder.
It didn’t matter that one boy was 14 and the other only 8. Nature had a way of smoothing out the differences between them and brought them running to me to share.
“Look, Mom!” is one of my favorite phrases. Rocks, a skull, a stick, all in their turn were placed in front of me. Invited into their world for a minute, I admired their treasures and savored their attention to sharing beauty. Bringing each offering to show me, I found a boy of no distinct age, simply boyhood.
The wonder, simplicity, and generosity of these moments of boyhood are some of my best treasures.
Here are the dog tags I made for each member of the Sanchez family. It was a lot of work, but as I hammered out the names, I thought of their personalities, challenges, and accomplishments. My appreciation for them grew as the names gathered in front of me on the step.
We read in the Book of Mormon that “all things are written by the Father” (3 Nephi 27:26) referring to the records that are kept by which the world will be judged. Perhaps one “parenting tip” or “family relationship tip” we can gain from this is that keeping records of the people in our lives can help us be better judges of their motives and needs.
Sometimes I will write a paragraph about each child in my journal so I can remember their lives. When I do this, sometimes I feel inspiration about what they need. Patterns in their behavior become clear messages of what they are going through.
Angie’s advice for the day: write down the names of each family member. Pause and think of their strengths, challenges, and contribution to your life. Perhaps say a prayer of gratitude for each of them by name. Take action on the things you feel inspired to do for them.
It’s a rite of passage to go to Cub Camp. Age 8 seems younger and younger with each child, though. I got to attend one day of camp with Mark and it was a delight to watch him during the skits and songs and see what he chose to purchase from the shop. Many boys bought $5 Indiana Jones whips. Thankfully, Mark only had $3 with him, so it wasn’t a temptation. Mark’s favorite activity of the day was the obstacle course. I took video of him climbing, swinging on a rope, doing somersaults, jumping, and running through tires. I could watch that for a long time.
*I have edited this this since I first posted. I wanted to clarify what I mean by equality and inclusion.
Here are a few bits of advice for the kids to digest when they need it. I’m writing a long post as I try to hold still while my back heals.
There is a lot of noise today about equality, which is okay. We are all children of God and we are all alike unto God. (2 Nephi 26:33) Unfortunately, many activists have decided that equality demands that we are all treated the same. We need to have the same responsibilities, the same attention, the same size pickle slices, or we are not really being treated as equals. There are gross inequalities in the world that need to be addressed, but I am concerned about the trend of counting titles and responsibilities as evidence of worth.
This hyper-focus on fairness simply teaches that what we have reflects our value. If we don’t have the same responsibilities as someone else, we have cause to be offended. By worldly logic, a person who presides over a church or runs a corporation is the only one who is really getting all he is due. I believe these attitudes are founded in pride in accomplishments, titles, and our most primitive desire to have the same size cookie as our neighbor.
In contrast to this, I believe that our worth comes from being children of our Heavenly Father. Evidence of our worth doesn’t come from what we have, in what we know, or say, or who approved our academic studies and gave us a diploma. It doesn’t hinge on whether we sit in a prominent place at church or the boardroom, or what we are asked to do by God. Our worth isn’t even supported by “equal opportunities.” I believe that when we focus on who we are rather than on what we have, we can be happier.
When activists teach that we need to be the same, the importance of family roles and the power of gender are often ignored or mocked. My gender and my life story are gifts! I treasure them.
I have learned to be skeptical of the enticing word, “inclusion.” It’s often used as a tool to muddle the lines between right and wrong. Inclusion sounds so great. It’s all about open-mindedness, implies that you are trendy, and means that you love and accept everyone. Worldly inclusion carries with it the idea that people should accept all behavior, not just people. In other words, we are encouraged to embrace the sin along with the sinner. Of course this message is often clothed in language that makes you feel like a jerk if you oppose sinful behavior. This is when you need to open the Bible.
The Savior spent time with many people, including sinners and outcasts, but never, never condoned sins. His love guided Him to show respect and focused attention. However, love for people didn’t mean He compromised on commandments to make them feel more comfortable. Were there groups who received His rebuke? Yes. He was patient as disciples tried to make sense of His teachings. He knew that they would not achieve perfection right away, and He didn’t forsake them when they stumbled. This is real inclusion.
Discontent is high on the list of virtues for many worldly thinkers. It’s implied that if we are content, we must be growing complacent, or we must be ignorant of something that should really bother us. Those who fight traditional values the are seen as having something more valuable to say than the quiet masses. This isn’t always true.
There are times when someone will argue their point and I don’t know how to answer. Does it mean they are right and I am wrong? No. It could mean that they are better at arguing. When someone launches into a well-reasoned argument against a commandment or a principle, I try to remember that God has said that “…my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” (Isaiah 55:8) and “…the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God” (1 Cor 3:19). I have learned that you can trust your impressions from the Holy Ghost that something is wrong, even if you can’t formulate an answer right away for why it is wrong. It’s also okay to carry unanswered questions. Over time, as you nurture your faith, not your doubts, the answers will come. (Alma 12:10)
We can’t put our trust in personalities, no matter how charming or educated or kind. There is no one– no philosophy, no personality, no group for whom it is worth losing what is most precious: our faith, our family, and our covenants with God. There are really dynamic people who know how to promote their ideas. You may admire someone or a cause, but never give anyone the power to rob you of your testimony of the gospel. You can trust the prophets. You can trust the scriptures. Hold tightly to these and you will be okay.
Today I feel better because my kids are back in the house. I held a morning meeting to outline expectations for this awesome gift we have called summer. I told them that summer is a time that is easily wasted if we’re not careful. We have some rules:
1. Media time (anything with a screen) is restricted to one hour in the morning and one hour in the evening. The kids will determine when these hours will take place each morning, adapting for the needs of the day.
2. Before media can be used (regardless of the time), the following jobs must be completed: read scriptures, make bed, read, play piano, do one job around the house.
3. We have specific projects to work on: next week we finish painting the basement, help with the sprinkler system, and repair a scooter with our time. The week after, we paint all baseboards upstairs… etc.
I am following the rules, too. This means that I am breaking the media rule right now to write this post, so I will end.
I want this summer to be fun. I want the kids to make real progress in their music, reading, and work skills. I want to spend time with them, focused on their faces, not trying to interact by sharing the conversation with screens. I have found that the kids set higher goals for themselves than I do. Summer is a great time to capture their zeal and help them make specific plans for their goals to be completed.
It’s also a great time to spend the afternoon reading, which is what most of us did today. Hooray!
It’s the last day of school today. Paige is at “Senior Sunrise” this morning on the football field of her high school with friends to commemorate their first day as seniors.
The radio played the song, It’s a Beautiful Day as I looked up at the sunrise after saying goodbye. Yes, it’s a beautiful day for her. She was sustained as Laurel class president on Sunday at church. She has many exciting things to look forward to this summer and next year.
The little boys performed in a dance festival. The memory of all of those those kids dancing on that grassy stage keeps me smiling. Chivalrous Timothy delivered the umbrella from his backpack to me unexpectedly and this saved me from the intense sun. His teacher pulled me aside at the fifth grade party and told me that Timothy is a real gentleman.
The teacher gifts are wrapped. I chose jewelry this year because the teachers were extra special. We had a thank you note clinic at the kitchen table. So many people have been good to us.
I made the last lunches yesterday and I am ready to throw away the lunch totes. They are gross. Timothy’s shoes have so many holes that we may begin to receive donations from strangers on the street for our welfare.
The fifth grade slideshow is finished. Daniel helped me with it. Hooray for that helpful, smart kid. He was voted the Einstein of Class 2018 by his classmates.
We had fun hearing Daniel play in the year end concert. He played cello in the orchestra and the piano in the jazz band.
I am reading lots of fun writing from Mark. His teacher compiled a year’s worth of his weekend news. Mark wrote each Monday about the events of the weekend. Cousins, parties, ski trips, and any ice cream served were items he felt were important. The illustrations! They are brilliant!
Paige brought home her art projects from the year. What a treat it was to go through them! It will be a summer of painting for her as she works on her AP art portfolio.
Timothy’s best friend leaves today for a year long trip around the world. Tim and I have a date this afternoon to the Lego store. It’s a tender time.
I have been a volunteer in the classroom, driven carpool, chaperoned field trips and kept track of reading minutes. Richard has been Paige’s math teacher with many late night math sessions. We have all worked hard.
Now it’s time to dance and take a break.
This weekend Mark was baptized. It was a nice day with beautiful weather, lots of family and friends, talks by Daniel and Timothy, music by Paige and me, and cooking. Baptism days are always busy, but I tried really hard this last time to relax, even if it meant that the tent with bunting never got set up, my hair was not curled, and we didn’t get a proper family picture with all of the cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents who gathered. I think I got everyone photographed at dinner but three.
My sweetest memory of the day was when Richard had Mark in the font, ready for the ordinance, and Richard looked up at me. That exchange was simple, but sealed the moment. The work and joys of parenting, gospel preparation, and the new phase we are entering came into focus in a look, but none of those details of parenting were there; it mostly felt like love and joy.
Memories:
1. Tim asked me to come.
2. We spent just as much time in the gift shop as the exhibits. Tim hoped to talk me into buying an electronic bug that could climb upwards through a tunnel.
3. The boys have discovered food. They kept going back for more. After three orders of fast food I realized that we were running late to get to the fountains before the busses arrived.
4. They weigh 89, 79, and 69 pounds on earth. On a neutron star, they would each weigh about 400 billion pounds. On the moon they would weigh in the teens.
5. Girls flirted with Timothy. Help us.
6. These boys were good company, polite, and obedient.
7. Tim said thank you as I walked away and that made it all worth it…even the motion sickness from the IMAX movie.
8. Timothy’s knees, elbow, and hands are scabby from a bad fall on a scout hike last night. I asked one of the boys if they had seen Tim’s wounds and he said, “Unfortunately, yes.”
Timothy has a unique way of turning my heart. Can I ever explore all the reasons I love this boy?
