Category: Motherhood

Middle School

Mark had an exciting day yesterday.

He got his middle school schedule. His trumpet arrived. He walked the halls of the middle school with his friend Adam. I helped them find their classrooms and lockers, pointing out landmarks and reminding them which floor they were on, then I stepped back and allowed them to figure things out on their own. By the end, I was no longer walking with them. They grew confident in that hour.

Overheard as I walked the halls with them:

“It’s a relief to know I couldn’t actually fit in this locker if someone tried to stuff me in.”

“This is actually not as intense as I thought it would be,” as they looked at a display in a classroom.

Mark played his first notes on the trumpet. “That sounded beautiful,” said Adam. “Yep, it did,” replied Mark. “No regrets.”

Pioneer Day 2017

 Pioneer Day in Utah is a lot more fun than Pioneer Day in other states we have lived. Mark was excited all day for the fireworks. His excitement translated into some entertaining conversation topics and extra energy to push the cart around Costco. I felt especially bothered by Costco yesterday. I could not get out of there fast enough. Does this ever happen to you? Daniel worked on the Cooking Merit Badge until he almost passed out from standing so long and maybe locking his knees. I think it may have had to do with handling raw meat, too. Note to self: cooking is a bigger service than you know. Mark made dinner, a nice ham quiche, while Daniel and I worked on dinners to freeze for an upcoming Yellowstone trip. In the evening, Paige and I drove the boys and Richard around the neighborhood in the truck, collecting the Scout flags that were displayed for the holiday. Later, we shared our sparklers with our little neighbors. “Can I have another sparkler, please?” little Andy kept asking. Thankfully, we had about a zillion of them to give. We have some serious fireworks enthusiasts on the street next to ours which we benefit from, so we have never bought aerial fireworks. This year, the favorite Ross-level firework was the “Cracker Barrel,” a tiny firework that just kept going.

Today I am working on my family reunion assignments, Church stuff, and the mudroom. But first, I sit in the trailer with the heater on as it dries out the rain that came through a zipper. This is why you are getting a post about minutiae.

Allow him

I think I can say that I am an expert on our son Mark, and this week he was different. He is used to being home alone without friends, so when he started to show frustration that he couldn’t get in touch with one of his friends, I was a little baffled. Over a few days, he kept asking me to contact his friend’s mother after his efforts to make noise and peer through the fence didn’t work to get his friend’s attention.

On Wednesday, the day before his Scout camp, Mark was especially lonely for this friend, but we couldn’t reach him. I took him out into the garden with me and we worked together. I looked at Lego sets with him online. I told him to clean his room (my answer for boredom). Eventually, the back gate opened and they were together at last.

That day they talked a lot about Scout camp and Mark talked his friend into going. “I had him at guns, Mom.” (There are rifles at Scout camp.)

I didn’t want to destroy his hopes, but I knew there were some hurdles to getting this boy to Scout camp the next morning. I tried to explain to Mark that it was up to the boy’s parents to get him ready, and there was a lot to do. I told him there might be trouble getting all the forms filled out, and the camp might not let him go at the last minute. This time, it was Mark’s turn to be baffled at me. He was sure his friend was going to Scout camp.

Mark was right, and the love he showed his friend was the key to getting him there. This sweet friend is a Church member, but doesn’t feel comfortable among the kids at church. Mark misses his friend on Sundays.

I realized that Mark’s discomfort all week was probably the Spirit prompting him to act. My attempts to divert his attention and dampen his enthusiasm didn’t make his job any easier. As I read a text of gratitude from the boy’s mother, what had begun for me as cautious encouragement for Mark turned to open admiration for his courage. Next time, I hope I will do more to allow him to follow the promptings he feels from the Holy Ghost.

It seems strange now, but I had spent some time this week worrying about sending Mark to camp. As he stepped out of the car when I dropped him off, I saw Mark’s confidence and maturity as he went straight to his friend to welcome him. There is strength and perception and power in our eleven-year-old. Trust me, I know because I’m a Mark expert.

You get a car… and you get a car!

We learned very quickly that having four drivers, three jobs, and three schools was a real challenge in logistics for our family, so we bought another car. It’s like an episode of Oprah here. Not that I really watched that, but you know what I mean.

Richard finished work on our PUP trailer (notice my lingo) this weekend.

I re-shelved the school books on Friday through teary eyes. I will face the clean-out of elementary school books someday.

Daniel and Timothy have a penchant for finding funny YouTube videos to show our family, especially at bedtime when we all need to be doing other things.

Paige, the sous chef, is back and I love the company in the kitchen. Mark still excels at muffins and other breads. Timothy, growing tall rapidly, lingers at the stove each night, watching things simmer, pitifully hungry, asking when dinner will be served.

Timothy pines for a smart phone and refuses to carry his dumb/non-smart phone. No problem; every other human has one he can use to call home. Slight problem: we can’t get a hold of him. Timothy has always been very smart and determined. He will probably win soon. Don’t tell him that.

I am in the middle of reading 5 books again. I find this is the magic number of what I can’t handle. I look at the stack, can’t decide what to read, throw my hands in the air, and take a nap instead.

Memorial Day weekend was simply the most beautiful and perfect I have ever enjoyed. The weather, the neighbors’ yards, the flags at every house in sight, the memories, the neighbors’ children and grandchildren playing in the cul-de-sac, and good food made it wonderful. I spent an afternoon reading and napping beneath our trees. I love how our neighborhood comes alive this time of year.

Things I loved about last week:

  • going out for pizza with Mark and Paige
  • watching BBC’s War and Peace
  • discovering the Great British Baking show master classes
  • giving some time for a stranger and making a new friend
  • driving in a clean car
  • having a clean mud room and school room
  • helping my boys assemble furniture
  • planning adventures this summer

 

Perspective

Perspective is almost impossible to have without stepping back and allowing light, space, and sometimes time to give us necessary wisdom.

Mark plays a console game on our television after his school and piano work are finished. It is a 30-minute reward for his efforts. He doesn’t sit as he plays; he jumps and dodges on one spot of rug, mimicking the moves of the game. The inexpensive rug in the room is starting to show wear on his spot. Exasperated, one day, I pushed my laundry baskets over the area and asked him to play on a different square of carpet. Days later, as I vacuumed over and over the spot, trying to pull up the fibers of the rug so they wouldn’t look so matted, I realized that I was being ridiculous. If Mark were to no longer be part of our life, I would treasure that square of rug because it was his spot. I would be sad that I had been more concerned about the rug than him enjoying his reward for hard work. No more complaining about the rug.

I have on loan two books which commemorate 25 years of our neighborhood church history. On its pages I see the portraits of my friends when they still had their children living at home. I read the accounts of their service in the church, doing the work I do now. Younger, more vibrant faces shine up at me from the pages, showing my now elderly neighbors in their days of deep service in the Church and the community. We are living the same story, 10, 20, 30 and 40 years behind our friends. I see ourselves in our friends’ faces in the book, taking our turn to serve with the youth and Relief Society. We will keep changing responsibilities, just as they did, and find ourselves back in Primary or Sunday School, and perhaps back again. What do my friends in this book teach me? That these days are fleeting. They are the adventures we will look back on for years to come. The stretching we feel now can help us grow to be a little more wise and kind– a little more like our friends.

I am tenderhearted this week as I finish the end of an era of teaching home school. The books on the shelf have served  their purpose. What will I do with them now? I am not ready to give many of them away. They are a monument to how we have spent our days together. I gained a bit of perspective recently as I mourned this loss. I realized that what I have given my children, and the bond we have because of it, will not be taken away, even though circumstances change. As I step away from the books, papers, projects, and especially precious time together, I begin to see the fruits: our relationships and abilities rise up and take their place. I am so thankful for these years.

May is bigger than December

May has arrived. Our children are expected to be in 3 places at once sometimes. Baseball, extra piano rehearsals, church activities, work, school concerts, and performances pull them in many directions. With 4 drivers and 3 cars, we are just scraping by. But wait. Richard and I have to be in all of these places and more. I take it back. It is impossible. Last night there was no dinner. We just ate cereal or whatever we could scavenge. Someone said that she felt May was busier than December. It really is, but there is little baking required. No wonder it feels so difficult. May is December without the carbs.

People at work

This is what Paige moved home to last week, but we finished and she has a bedroom again.

So much of my life, our lives, feels like it’s under construction right now. We are stretched. We are challenged.

Paige finished her second year of college, moved home for the summer, and begins her job search tomorrow.

Daniel learned to dance the Lindy Hop in ballroom. This is a seriously difficult dance.

Timothy is filming sketch comedy each day after school. I knew he would be drawn to this eventually.

Mark and Paige painted her room with me.

The boys have a big piano ensemble performance this week.

AP test weeks have arrived.

Richard left in a snowstorm to go camping with the Boy Scouts on Friday and came home happy.

Life is full. I am learning that many things I spend my time doing, thinking they will make the family happy, don’t do this at all. A few examples:

Clean house? Not important to them.

Clean clothing? Important to them.

Conversation at 11pm? Important to teens only.

Talking TO them? Not welcome.

Listening to them? Always important.

Milk and cereal always on hand? Important.

Telling them about what I am reading? Not important. A real turn-off.

Using what I am reading to be more empathetic? Important.

Seasonal decorations? Not important, except at Christmas time.

Freshly painted baseboards? Not important to them.

Much of what I do is just for me, after all. It’s ok to do what I love, but I need to be honest about who I am really serving. Wrapped up in things only I care about under the guise of serving my family is counterproductive. This makes me unapproachable and busy. This is not how I want to be.

Easter Journals 2017


How do you teach children to rely on the Savior? How do you help them see a need for a relationship with Jesus Christ? What teaching method will work for ages 10-17? How can I share my testimony in a way they will hear it?

These are a few questions I have been thinking about. I know that these questions can’t be addressed with a one-time effort, but I wanted to make something our family could do each day leading up to Easter to bring us closer to Jesus Christ.

I made an Easter journal for each family member with a scripture to read and a question to answer each day for five days. I printed out questions and art and mounted them in the journals to help inspire writing.

We promised each writing activity would only require 10 minutes. We shortened it to 5 minutes after one day. We read the scriptures aloud and then set a timer for each of us to write in our little journals. I promised I wouldn’t make them share what they wrote and we wouldn’t read what they wrote. We had a short discussion after each journal entry, sharing experiences and ideas. I gave them each a container of Jelly Bellies to eat as they wrote. Richard and I also wrote in journals.

How did it go?

  • I don’t know what went on in their hearts, but there was a good feeling in our discussions after we wrote.
  • We couldn’t make it happen every day. We had to double up a few times when we had everyone together, in a good mood, and awake.
  • They ate a lot of Jelly Bellies.
  • We had fun talking about many other things once the activity was over each evening.

These were the scriptures I chose, based on our family’s needs. They are Book of Mormon scriptures to compliment the Bible verses we read every Easter.

  1. Alma 7:11-12 …That he may know… how to succor his people
  2. Alma 26:12,16 In his strength I can do all things.
  3. Alma 38:8-9 No other way or means whereby man can be saved, only in and through Jesus Christ…
  4. Moroni 9:25-26 May Christ lift thee up [over difficult circumstances]
  5. Mosiah 16:6-9 He is the light and the life of the world.

Here are a few things we said about Jesus Christ this week in our family:

  • He is in every genuine smile, true friendship, beautiful scene, and good family relationship; he is in every act of patience, kindness, and generosity.
  • He knows what it’s like to be “us.”
  • When he bore our infirmities, this means he took on everything that makes us fall short of perfection.
  • Repentance is a joyful thing, and easier than carrying guilt.
  • Repentance is simple, like the children of Israel looking to the brazen serpent to be saved from the snakes.
  • Repentance is also like Namaan being told to wash in the Jordan 7 times. It is basic and we can be clean.
  • He helps us do difficult things like learn a language, be a missionary, and take tests.
  • Because of him, can see our family members again who have passed away.
  • He is accessible through good music, acts of charity, walking in nature, and taking time to be still.

Happy Easter!

I Didn’t See it Coming

Recently, something triggered the thought, “How did we get to this point, a daughter halfway through college, and sons speeding after her?” I felt disconnected and shocked to see where time had carried us. 

We have been present in the kids’ lives; There are 14 years home schooling to look back on. We have been mindful and careful in parenting decisions. We have been there for almost every important milestone. We’ve been there for the little things, such as family meals and scripture study, tucking in, and prayers. It seems like we have earned the right to feel the situation with more sense of reality, but I don’t. How could anything creep up on us with all this focus on our family?

Perhaps that’s just it, we have been so focused on the minutes, I haven’t grasped the years going by. I keep hearing that this is common. It makes me wonder how it will be when my “youthful” self is in a shell that looks much older than I am now. Will that reality be just as shocking? Probably.