Category: Motherhood

Eagle Court of Honor

On Sunday evening at the Spencer cabin, we held Daniel’s Eagle Court of Honor during our family reunion. Thanks to Richard J. and Sarah, we have some great photos from the evening. We were surrounded by family, friends, and special guests, but we were also in a sacred setting. The cabin and mountains, with more than 100 years of family memories, added to the feelings of the evening. Daniel earned his Eagle a long time ago, but the court of honor felt intimidating to do, so we delayed. I’m so glad we decided to do it in this setting before he leaves on his mission.

No

I read a book recently about the power of Christian hospitality. Our homes, our time, and our stuff, is not our own, the author asserts. And we need to get over the idea that our homes need to be perfect to invite people into our lives. We need to move from entertaining to being hospitable. This is how we show a life of faith to others and have the greatest influence. Some of these thoughts will frame the way I will be more free with my time, my home, and my self, but I have only felt terrible this week when I have held myself to a standard I can’t live right now. I am better than I used to be about sensitivity to people and requests, and I have a greater tolerance for social demands now than even a year ago. However, in this coming month of a high adventure trip and scout camp back-to-back (alone); and during this month of final missionary preparations and errands (stretched); and during the last collection of minutes with our son Daniel living with us (sacred), people may be disappointed in my inability to do it all. I have said no, and I will continue to say no occasionally.

Half Moon Bay

We arrived at Half Moon Bay after dark on a Sunday night. We set up quickly and fell asleep to the sound of waves. It was so dark, we couldn’t know how close we were to the water, and looked forward to the morning to reveal where we had landed.

In the morning, the beach was ours to claim, cold and beautiful, and we did claim it, most of us in a commando crawl on the sand to stay warm and out of the wind. Mark, of course, took on the waves with little boy zeal in a longer, leaner version of himself than the last time he was at the beach. I knew I was watching some of the last of his childhood as he moved to attack the waves with kicks and leaps. He will be more reserved next time. I will brace myself for that.

Two favorite memories from this leg if the trip: an eclectic and well-stocked used bookstore and an old fashioned diner.

Good surprises from Half Moon Bay: a new friend at the campground named Dave, flowers everywhere along the path to the beach, Daniel’s videos of Mark, and we became faster at folding up the pop-up trailer each time.

Menu: chicken salad on pitas, breakfast burritos, pizza, diner food, roasted hot dogs, and cinnamon sugar doughies by Mark and Richard

Essentials: jackets, heater, books, magazines

Favorite conversation: at Grandma Ruth’s house about “The List” of things she is not supposed to eat anymore.

 

 

Superpowers Required

There was a big meeting scheduled this week for my calling. We were asked to “arrange our schedules” so we could attend. This phrase read in my mind, “It will be a sin to miss it.” The problem was, this meeting was at the same time as the Senior awards night. I felt the urgency of the message to fix my schedule, and wondered if God expected me to miss an important part of graduation. I mean, my ancestors left their countries and families to cross the plains and serve missions. Here it was again: the call of church and family, ringing in all parts of my mind, not in harmony, but dissonant and out of sync. This interpretation of events is no one’s fault but my own. No meeting is worth the angst I felt, but it illustrates the way I and many women face the world. We interpret invitations as commandments and feel regret when we can’t do everything. Compound this with the question, is there anything worse than a mother who doesn’t show up for her kids? Mothers are needed more than presidents, but I need to feel my choices are actually mine to make. I believe I usually choose the right option after some thought and talking it out. Of course I would choose my son, but in my mind, I was wrestling to know if it was God’s will or mine that made me think I should choose the meeting. In the end, I chose my son and was thankful that my Father in Heaven gave me counselors to cover meetings I can’t attend.

I don’t believe I need to do more things to be of worth. But independent of my worth, I want to be useful, and that means I need to do the right things. It feels like super powers are required sometimes. Sometimes I am torn in big ways, but other times I think it is funny what I am asked to do. This week included the following:

I was asked to help with an essay, but I was not allowed to read the rough draft.

I needed to visit a home full of dogs, but focus on the people, not the beloved dog biting my feet during the visit.

I was asked to demonstrate Timothy’s electric guitar since I am the only one in the house who plays the guitar. Never mind that I can’t play Metallica.

And of course, I needed to be in two places at once, or at least I felt that way until I let it go and delegated the responsibility to someone else. I think this is the freedom that I was looking for this week. My Father in Heaven has everything in place to make things work for busy moms at church.

When You Turned Twelve

The day you turned twelve, I saw you once in the morning, on your way to school. You opened your first present, a Lego Chewbacca and were happy about that. When you returned home, I was at a tournament and your dad took you camping. You and a friend decided you didn’t need your dads around, so you sent them home and camped out on your own.

I took you on a trip to the Lego store without your brothers and watched you shop very carefully, settling on a red vehicle. Then we met your dad and brothers for dinner at a buffet restaurant and you tried pot roast, got seconds on that, plus plenty of cinnamon butter and scones. There were many plates of food. You tried several desserts and made me a sundae because you are good at that and you are kind. You finished everything off with a mug of hot chocolate. Why not?

We waited a week for Solo to come out and all of us joined you for a matinee at the movie theater, Paige, too! After the movie, you asked your usual reporter questions, “Which was your favorite scene?” “Which character was the best?”

You were so nervous about church, being called up and presented to the congregation. Your nervousness showed itself in your frustration about not having the right skinny tie. Daniel helped you with that, and you wore a skinny coral tie from one of Daniel’s dances, which he tied for you. When you were called to the front of the congregation, I was proud of you for making a short smile to help everyone see the real you.

I know the Legos we bought you will not be played with as much as you believe they will.  I know that your hairstyle is becoming a more important concern and I notice how you are hungry all of the time. When you got angry about something recently, you asked what to do to get over it. I suggested you do something you loved. You baked a cake and all was well.

Your favorite subjects are world history and science. You are smart. Sometimes I hear you singing and humming to yourself in your room and wish things could just stay as they are, but we’re on a faster track now. In fact, next year, you will be very different than you are today. Overall, you can look forward to bigger achievements, adventures in nature, a deeper voice, longer math problems, and you may not feel like telling me you love me as often as you do now. It’s ok. I know you still do. And oh, how I love you!

Gratitude in May

I am able to keep windows open all day lately, and the sounds of the breeze swirling our great cottonwood trees and the fresh air somehow dispel the busy feelings and replace them with grateful feelings. Consistently, I feel grateful for trees and green and warmer air.

May 7-13

  • grilled hamburgers and a lovely salad
  • clean sheets and bathrooms
  • Elder Kearon’s devotional
  • time to read on Tuesday
  • my neighbor was able to come over and hear her daughter perform a violin piece
  • Taste of Home chicken pot pie
  • passport work finished
  • the quilting ladies
  • the trees we had to cut down: Thank you for the beauty.
  • productive days
  • a quilt for Morgan
  • our bishop’s miraculous recovery
  • piano duets played by our sons
  • Mother’s Day magnets from Daniel

May 14-20

  • Paige’s Mother’s Day card
  • open windows and fresh air
  • Charlene Kettle
  • Excedrin
  • Sunday evening walk with Richard
  • 2 days outdoors at a tournament
  • NYC tickets ready
  • Mediterranean salad at Wendy’s
  • Mark is twelve.
  • Sunday night gathering of my boys on the bed to talk to me
  • Mark singing in the choir
  • Mark playing Uptown Funk and Indiana Jones on the trumpet
  • Tim’s jazz band recordings from Richard
  • passport arrived
  • dinner from my counselors when I was sick

Weekend in the Sun

I just spent a glorious two days watching Timothy’s Ultimate Frisbee state tournament. I am proud of him for running constantly (there were only 8 players and 7 had to be on the field at a time) and for being a decent, respectful, kind human. The team did really well, but I find myself most happy about the way Timothy conducted himself.

Jazz, Art, Band, Choir, Twelve, AP

Richard and I had plans to go to Timothy’s jazz band dinner dance this week, but I was sick and had to miss it. Mark went in my place. I really missed out on a great evening! Timothy was able to play with some seasoned jazz musicians and play some of my favorite big band music. He is the trombone player on the second row in the video.

Today is Mark’s 12th birthday. I am happy for him, and a little sad for me. This week he displayed some work in an art show, played trumpet in a band concert, and sang in a choir concert. I couldn’t get a good photo of him in the back of the band. However, I bet you can spot him easily in the choir. He is ambivalent about the choir experience for many reasons, one being his section.

It’s the Fathers and Sons campout tonight, so we will celebrate Mark tomorrow night with all the good things.

Each day but one this week Daniel or Timothy took AP tests. I tried to warn them, but they took the classes and tests anyway. 😉

 

 

Old, Last, and New

Losing trees is one of the saddest things. The previous owners’ daughters called this grove and the stepping stone path through the periwinkle “the beautiful.” I will miss the flicker of light filtering through the leaves. It hurt my heart to see two trees go, but aspens don’t live forever. The trees really called to me when we looked at this house the first time, and I feel some nostalgia for the days when there were tall aspens lining the path.

Speaking of moving to Utah, that was almost six years ago. Leaving Tucson meant leaving the incredible piano ensemble experiences our kids had every spring, where they played duets on a stage with twelve grand pianos. There is nothing on this scale here, but there are “monster concerts” the kids play in the mall with five pianos. It was nice to hear the boys perform duets together one last time before Daniel leaves.

We came home from the monster concert to discover that the corsage Daniel ordered for prom was the wrong color and the flowers were wilting, so I made my first wrist corsage on Saturday. I felt more stress about this corsage than I thought was possible over some flowers and glue. Daniel went to prom with McKenna and I just hoped the flowers would stay on that wrist corsage all evening. I probably should have hoped he would have fun, but that was a given since he was with McKenna and happy friends.

Good Things from Last Week

Paige was accepted into the Illustration BFA program at BYU and things are moving forward with her internship in New York this summer.

Mark was awarded three ranks in Scouting. He achieved the rank of First Class, just in time to turn twelve.

Paige and I drove to Cedar City for lunch with Richard’s female relatives to celebrate his mom’s birthday. I didn’t capture everyone in this picture. With so many schedules it was amazing that so many could make it.

Dessert in Beaver

Daniel learned he is Valedictorian of his class and received the Heritage scholarship at BYU.

Not pictured: Timothy in his tux playing at the State Band competition, winning Frisbee points at the tournament on Saturday, and the electric guitar he is making in his woods class.

Richard and I celebrated our 23rd anniversary.

 

Not every week is a harvest, and I am thankful when one comes along.