This photograph sits at my bedside and it makes me feel the blessing of my years with our children. It’s a bright spot in the dull days of grief that I am experiencing. Yes, grief for a good thing like a son going on a mission! The feelings of loss will do their work and change me, and that is a gift. The sadness will also wane in its intensity. So, please be patient and gentle. I am under construction again.
Before Mark was set apart as a missionary, he wanted one last gathering with his Sanchez cousins who are his age, so we invited them to spend part of conference weekend here. MMSK is pronounced “misk,” and it’s an acronym of their names. Mostly, there was a lot of nonsense going on as they “watched conference”, but I think that the time together was important.
Mark and Richard attended a session of General Conference on Sunday. They brought the binoculars, which was a great idea.
When Mark sent in his mission papers last spring, I assumed he would be on a mission long before now. We’ve had a long preparation period, which was good in many ways and challenging in others.
We had time for more spiritual preparation and temple worship. Mark received mentoring in Preach My Gospel and got some work experience from his Sanchez grandparents. We had time to travel this summer.
The long wait means that the bandaid is being removed very slowly. I am pretty fragile lately.
Now that Mark has had a few days of home MTC, he is excited to go to the Provo MTC next week. Everything is as it should be: the wait, the anticipation, the emotions accompanying a goodbye, the excitement, his assignment. Everything.
Our Daniel is such a blessing in our lives!
Paige and I have a weekly appointment to talk and I find myself taking screenshots the whole time.
I think that my current anxieties about getting the right clothing for Mark’s mission are because I know that these are some of the last tangible things that I can do for him. We are moving into a different phase where my help shifts almost completely to intangibles. I am crying every day, as one does at such a time.
He has clothing for Arctic temperatures and rain and a lifetime of other preparation. We now have just a few minor things to purchase.
All I need to do is look outside to see my annual “missionary sunflowers” (which first showed up when Daniel left on his mission) for a reminder that God is taking care of everything for Mark. And He allows me to do the very motherly thing to shop for the right coat.
I read someplace that people who change their decor each season have a cleaner house because the process exposes dusty corners and reminds you of things you are storing. Thus, you are dusting and reevaluating your belongings often.
Hmmm. I usually associate redecorating with a big mess. It takes me all day to switch out decor in the kitchen with boxes and tissue papers strewn everywhere.
I redecorate for the seasons because I like the change. I am a little spare in my autumn decor this year because I need something simple to view.
Mark was sad to see the summer decor taken down. I reminded him that in a few years when he returns, I will still have the summer things that he has loved while growing up.
“You’re going to go, but you are also going to come back, and this will all be here waiting for you.”
I could say this about the objects, but not about his childhood. I think we both knew he wasn’t really mourning the loss of the little baseball players and ferris wheel. He knew that this was the last summer display of childhood, and he won’t be the same little boy who loved these things ever again.
Richard decided that he wanted to take Tim and Mark on one more ride on 4-wheelers this summer before Tim starts college and Mark goes on his mission.
Richard’s trips are one of his ways of saying, “I love you” to our kids.
One way that I express love is to keep a record of their adventures.
Our experiences have been vastly different preparing for our sons’ mission assignments.
For Mark, there was an 18-page visa form, and recently, he had to appear at a visa processing center for the Danish embassy in San Francisco.
We assumed that he would be paired with another elder and be picked up at the airport by someone from the local mission in San Francisco. We were surprised when the church travel office instructed Mark to fly there alone and find his own way to the visa interview appointment and back again to the airport.
Traveling alone and ordering rides were new to Mark, but he did just fine.
The thought occurs to me, how long has my presence with Mark been obsolete? Years?
Still, I prayed all day. When each child flies out of reach or has a problem beyond my ability to help, my prayers become a testament that Heavenly Father has always been the primary caregiver.
Here was Mark’s text to let me know that he was boarding his return flight in San Francisco. 
I bought him a huge hamburger for dinner after I picked him up from the airport.
We love you, Paige!