The Yard Crew, summer 2020They got so tan this summer.
This week, I picked up a few things at the store to add to the “college set” of dishes and silverware passed down from Paige to Daniel. (Where did all the teaspoons go???) I can’t think of much I should do to help him, but the impulse is to think about details such as, “Oh, he is going to need some spices!” The truth is, he grew up long ago, in South America, and he can navigate the spice aisles in Provo, Utah just fine without me.
I remember this ache. I have felt it before. Each child’s imprint is different, so the the ache for each child has its own quality. It’s terrible and precious at the same time. I don’t know why I am not thinking about Covid-19 tonight. I suppose it could spoil university plans very quickly, but we’ll deal with whatever comes.
When Paige was young, we would often do crafts to celebrate her birthday. I thought it would be fun to do something like that again. Mark and I set up an array of succulent plants and ordered lots of little woodland animals and buildings to populate the pots.
Squee! So cute.
And then Paige and I watched this movie. Happy day!
I challenge you not to raise the pitch of your voice as you comment on the cuteness of these mini Jeeps.
Tim and Daniel have some new projects. Tim bought a mini jeep, and Daniel claimed a free piano. At the appearance of the mini jeep, our next-door neighbor said incredulously, “Another vehicle?”
Daniel is gutting the old piano to make an electric keyboard desk with speakers, lights, and a place to put a computer. One night in the garage, he removed all the keys but those from a jazz chord progression so he and Mark could do some improv, worry-free, since only the notes they needed were available.
Tim installed more lights on the jeep and ordered a pretty fine helmet and *chrome* goggles to wear as he drives. He offers rides around the neighborhood to our family.
These guys teach me new levels of fun and creativity.
I have decided to shift the way I think and talk about school restrictions and realities for our kids. This is not a time to paint our children as victims, but a time to help them know they can be resilient. Just imagine how much stronger these kids can be because they have been challenged to find new ways of connecting, finding fun, and working to become educated. I think we can remind them they are stronger than they know, especially as they rely upon God. We can look for possibilities more than limitations, because new ideas await. This is a time for creativity and resilience!
I’ve been focusing on preparing food, really good food, to serve my family. It’s gone almost this quickly, so I keep cooking nearly every day, every day, every day. It’s a big part of my life. Good job, me.
General Conference with everyoneOur friend’s name was read during General Conference. We raised our hands high to sustain him.movie buddy
I pinch myself sometimes to see all the boys home.
Easter activity with the Sanchez family
Easter dinner: pulled pork, baked beans, homemade rolls, layered green salad“Spelling” games from Easter candy ðŸ¤walk
recovering from surgery
Stake Council Zoom meeting, hearing a missionary report
I didn’t post much about family life in April. Days are smudged in my memory, all about the same. Sundays we gathered for dinner and to watch old home movies. Richard worked an unconscionable demand of hours, mostly from home, thankful to be employed. I have watched the clock for entertainment since my surgery, content to do almost nothing. We watched a movie almost every evening. Daniel has been a primary care giver to me, and we have had some good talks. Tim has worked outdoors, mowing and aerating, and has been faithful in completing school work. I learned quickly that I should not ask him about school. He manages his life like a boss. Mark was most content to be home, with days uncluttered by middle school nonsense. He talks through each assignment aloud, frustrations and triumphs sounding in my ears. We have eaten more takeout than usual, hoping to keep our favorite restaurants alive. Also, friends have provided a lot of meals since my surgery. I finished reading The Lord of the Rings trilogy and watched the movies. That was a good choice. April was the best and the worst. I know you can relate.
These weeks have not been easy. The not knowing, the not-so-good news, the waiting, painful conversations with people who heard Daniel was home when he was not, the constant school emails, and the work stress were rough. Things were complicated in Chile. Daniel helped print four different release certificates for himself in the mission office as his evacuation date moved several times. I prayed for peace constantly. One night, out of words to pray, I lay in bed praying the words to “Bring Him Home,” which was one of my more effective prayers.
Neither Richard nor I slept well the night before Daniel’s flight, and Richard tracked that plane constantly throughout the day. I kept busy, but felt my chest tighten as the day progressed. We drove to the airport together, two nervous wrecks. No, we didn’t think he would come home sick or harmed, but we were embarking into an unknown. Daniel arrived, full of light and reassurance. That night, I had my best sleep in years.
It’s not that we lacked faith. It’s that faith sometimes needs to be tested. Would we complain? Would we push our needs ahead of others who were suffering in different ways? Would we keep turning to God? Would we be overly dramatic about circumstances? Would we neglect the needs of our other children as we hyper-focused on our worries about international travel for Daniel? Would we stop acknowledging the blessings that flowed because Daniel was serving a mission? Would we forget hope? Would we neglect the little things like family prayer and scripture study in this sickly, dense fog?
There is much more to live before the resolution of this story. I don’t want to forget the comfort that only came through prayer. I don’t want to forget the light in Daniel’s missionary face. I don’t want to forget that there was a continual flow of understanding and concrete instructions as I read the Book of Mormon each day, pen in hand. These have been precious, soul-expanding days leading up to his return. Now that he is home, I am giving myself permission to breathe, rejoice, rest, and just look at Daniel’s face, in line with the rest of our children, all gathered together again.
Did you ever look through a kaleidoscope? That’s what life feels like right now. We get used to looking at a beautiful pattern through the lens, but it’s only temporary; the world rotates, and little pieces of our lives shuffle to different places. For a time, there is a grating noise, and some resistance to rotating the scope. It feels chaotic and uncomfortable, but another pattern emerges from the shuffling of pieces. Beauty and order always find a way. There are beautiful patterns emerging from this time of upheaval. We don’t know how our little pieces will rearrange themselves, but they will, all under the direction of a loving Heavenly Father. We love you and we are proud of you. I choose to celebrate who you are, and not focus on the “change of plans” so much. Coming home a little early will not change the impact you have had on people in Chile. It will not change who you are, and who you have become. Your love for the gospel is needed here, and the Lord will use you, wherever you are. I feel gratitude to the members in Chile for their loving care of you. My heart goes out to your president and his family. I pray for everyone. I am filled with hope and peace, and it will all work out. A silver lining for me is that I will have you around again to talk to. We’ll enjoy the next pattern in the kaleidoscope soon. Love, Mom
There is nothing unique about my experience during this past week of cancellations due to COVID-19. I have watched my email folder fill up with messages from schools and church and made necessary adaptations. The boys are home, except when they go out to work or walk. My life stays largely the same, including my level of fear. During most of my adult life, I have regularly expected to catch each illness, die of sepsis from an abscessed tooth, or choke to death all alone… if a car accident didn’t take me first. I have similar fears for each family member. In other words, welcome to my world, world. The real weight of this time for me rests in the reality that Daniel is thousands of miles away, on another continent.
A few sure things to which I cling:
Our Father in Heaven knows where we are and exactly what we need.
Our Savior Jesus Christ knows the depth and breadth of our feeling.
The Father’s plan is never frustrated.
Angels minister to us.
The Holy Ghost never misspeaks or offends. He brings comfort, power, and direction. What an amazing friend and companion.
The Book of Mormon is dear and true. It has helped me through every challenge, my whole life, and it continues to help me now.
No one is unique in their struggles, and my struggles are not more valid than yours. But Sure Beings and the true things carry every one of us through, whether we have eyes to see or not. This I know.
I finished assembling the quilt top, thanks to the gift of an extra day.
ski trip
Tim broke the family speed record for skiing. I wish I didn’t know this.
Tim’s band visited Mark’s band.
Birthday dinnerAfter 11 years of searching, then waiting for a sale, I bought a piano lamp.Richard and I spent about 5 hours preparing French food yesterday, and it was really disappointing how awful it tasted. Ours actually looked like this photo. pc: tablespoon.comMark at Youth Conference.
This week, as I ran errands and shopped, I was asked a few times if I was planning to do something fun. Yes! We celebrated Richard’s birthday with food, food, presents, food, and desserts. At Costco, someone asked if the next big birthday was the big 4-0, and since the scales have tipped toward 50 for me, this miscalculation has embedded itself in my heart and grown into many private smiles. I love celebrations with family, the preparation, anticipation, and the memories.
And, if you want to see Paige’s 8 beautiful paintings inspired by The Secret Garden, her show is coming up soon. I love seeing Paige’s illustrations.
As for the Daniel, he had the opportunity to meet Elder Uchtdorf and shake his hand last week, and he was invited to share his testimony in Stake conference. He is moving to a new apartment that has hot water. He has been busy assembling emergency kits for each companionship in the mission. With summer holidays coming to an end, they expect more protests and violence in his area, but the kits are more in preparation for earthquakes. He is teaching Rosa and others with his companion who is from Canada. I had my first bad dream about his safety, and I can’t hear The Prayer (Bring Him Home from Les Miserables) or Danny Boy without tears. Still, I love being part of a missionary family.
One thing I do for my calling at church is teach Primary children during ward conferences. I made this visual aid for last Sunday to teach about Isaiah’s “Mountain of the Lord’s House” and it was a lot of work, but the kids really loved the doors and windows. They also loved talking about how temples are like mountains, places to feel peace, quiet, and see beauty and light. I also loved the comment about mountains being places of adventure. I think learning of God’s ways is one of the great adventures of life. I love what I learn as I serve in Primary.
