Motherhood – Page 10 – Letters from Home

Thankful for work

I prescribed another reading of The Secret Garden for myself because I think it holds many of the keys to a good life.

I love to read about Mary’s transformation from a sickly, weak, lonely girl, to one who has energy to love people and life.

She had to work to get there, along with the play and self care.

I tackled a closet cleanout yesterday that I have been putting off for a long time. It was a lot of work, and I was tired when I finished, but also invigorated! With this momentum, I sat down at my desk and finished some more neglected projects.

I am thankful for the nature of work, how it forces me to move, build strength, go outside, and then it gives back the impulse to do more. Isn’t it funny how the most difficult step is usually just to begin?

I want you to see Paige’s reworking of her Secret Garden illustrations, so I am prescribing a visit to her website, www.paigemclaughlinart.com. The Secret Garden project can be seen by clicking this LINK.

missing them

On Saturday, I found this photo in a little album. Timothy was three, and the dog was a new puppy, not yet house trained. We had just moved into our new house in Sahuarita, Arizona. Mark would be born in a few days. Paige was dancing ballet almost every night, and Daniel would soon begin piano lessons. I miss those little faces.

I keep “hearing” the dog’s step, and expecting him to follow me around the kitchen, or to greet me at the door. Today, I saw Richard out of the corner of my eye and my mind registered that he was holding our dog. It will take some time to get used to living without the pup.

I am lucky to be able to see our children pretty often, but having a missionary is definitely a heart-stretching time. We were six plus a dog when we moved to Utah, and now we are three in this house.

Rustles of Spring and Bugler’s Holiday

Mark and his piano teacher, Natalie Arcilesi

Mark played Rustles of Spring by Sinding tonight in a piano recital. It’s a piece I hope he never stops playing. Earlier in the day he played the piano accompaniment for a trumpet trio called Bugler’s Holiday at a Regional solo and ensemble event. They qualified for State. He had quite a day, and I got to attend both events. You should totally Google these pieces. They are sparkly.

In an acceptable time

I am grateful I got to see our Tim speak in sacrament meeting in Canada today via Zoom.

I finished reading Saints volume 2, and it had a LOT about opening the missions of the South Pacific in the mid-1800s. One takeaway is that the Lord had specific people in mind to introduce the gospel to the Pacific, and He even used them multiple times throughout their lives. I know the Lord loves all of his children and He has a plan for gathering them.

Timothy’s grandfathers served missions on isles of the sea, in Samoa and Puerto Rico.

I keep a list of scriptures about the promises to the isles of the sea, as I continue to pray that missionaries can return to areas that are currently closed.

“In an acceptable time I have heard thee O isles of the sea…and helped thee, and I will preserve thee, and give thee my servant for a covenant of the people.” (1 Nephi 21:8, Isaiah 49:8)

“Great are the promises of the Lord unto them who are upon the isles of the sea.” (2 Nephi 10:21)

“I remember those who are upon the isles of the sea, and will bring forth my word unto the children of men, yea, even upon all the nations of the earth.” (2 Nephi 29:7)

Of course, Jacob considered the Americas an isle of the sea, so Canada counts, too. (2 Nephi 10:20)

Video chats

I take a screenshot of each video call with our missionary, but I don’t let on that I am doing it. So, these are regular, unposed expressions. With Daniel, we experienced missionary life without phonecalls and texts, and it was in the last part of his mission that the rules changed, allowing missionaries to contact home via text, a phonecall, or video call once a week.

It probably goes without saying that there is a big difference between the experiences. Our sons haven’t always felt the need to connect with a call each week, but it is nice to know they can. I like to see their faces, and these calls show me how they are really doing. I also see how they interact with companions. This week on our video call, Tim was a passenger in a car, and he showed us what the landscape looked like as they drove home. It helps me place him in my thoughts a little better. I think we hear more details about missionary work during a call because it doesn’t have to be typed and edited. It’s just real. I think it probably helps our missionaries to see that we are still very interested in their lives and can offer personal counsel.

I hope the weekly call doesn’t go away. It was an inspired change.

Remote

Another remote learning day. I hear a chipmunk voice as Mark rushes through a recorded lecture at 2x the speed. Routines are interrupted and even Richard and I had a slow morning. We keep one another moving and upbeat as schedules turn malleable as dough.

Home vs the News

I take part in very different experiences depending on how much news I allow into my head. Again and again through this pandemic, I find a great contrast in our personal experiences compared to the picture painted by other voices. I don’t deny the real suffering going on, but I don’t have to open the door and invite it in all the time. I don’t think our minds are equipped to handle the amount of information in the constant news cycle.

We definitely don’t go out as much. We are blessed with pretty good internet and a home with lots of space. Richard still works from home in the basement office. I am mentally preparing for remote learning for Mark as case numbers rise. The pandemic continues to push us home, and I am doing what I can to make it pleasant. Without question, we are profoundly blessed.

Traveler

I have been uneasy this week, knowing Tim was in transit in a challenging time, but I have tried not to indulge in my feelings. Without wallowing in my fears, I have been gentle with myself and allowed for comfort, quiet, reading, journaling, and some rest. Tim’s mission is not about me. My prayers have evolved from merely, “Please protect and guide him,” to, “Thy will be done,” (not said in resignation but as an affirmation) and, “Please let my son be a blessing to someone today.” The more I make this about God’s will and and helping others, and focus less on my feelings, the more healthy I become in my heart.

Gifts from my children

We all enjoy giving and receiving presents. But there is a difference between presents and gifts. True gifts may be part of ourselves– giving of the heart and mind– and therefore more enduring and of far greater worth than presents bought at the store.
James E. Faust

I played In the Bleak Midwinter in church. This is a screenshot from the YouTube broadcast.

Here you can kind of see Daniel, whose accompaniment was vital and beautiful.

I have been touched by many gifts this Christmas. Paige made drawings of Daniel and Tim at age three to complete my little collection of drawings of our children. Daniel may not consider this as part of his already generous gift and precious letter to me, but his piano accompaniment of the piece I played in church was a beautiful gift. Tim hand wrote long letters to each of us and made sure I had a gift from him under the tree, even though he wasn’t with us this year. Mark gave me a CD of music that he doesn’t enjoy himself, and was my companion for so many errands for Christmas giving. His service and company was so important to me this year.

It isn’t always possible to do something meaningful, but I know when I give “of my heart and mind,” the Spirit of Christmas fills my soul.

Today Paige and Michael celebrate their anniversary. Their presence in our lives is a gift and blessing.

Timothy’s goodbye

1 Samuel 1

There were around 600 missionaries who entered the missionary training center this week, and that can make a person think this is just something we do in our religious culture. But I have the view that every missionary is a unique marvel, and it doesn’t escape my notice that we lend our children to the Lord at the gates of a temple. It is a sacred act to say goodbye to a child going on a mission. For this child I prayed, it is true, but we aren’t really the ones who are doing the lending. It is our son’s decision and gift.

Acts 26:16

The MTC room in our house had a sacred feeling that could capture my breath while Tim lived with us as a missionary. When he left, the room, while peaceful, did not have the same impact. This is evidence to me of the power of God to transform a teenager into a minister and a witness. I don’t know what Tim will be able to do in this pandemic-ridden world, or where he will serve because of so many uncertainties, but I have experienced the peace that accompanies a missionary. The world needs this kind of peace, and I believe the Lord will use our son for good.

2 Timothy 1

So we send him on his way. The hugs are inadequate to convey all we feel, but as I look up at the blue sky and feel the warmth of the sun this week, I feel a compensating joy. I have learned the only way to drive away fear is to act in faith. Then we see miracles.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord… but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God; Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began.
2 Timothy 1:7-9