Category: Motherhood

Weakness to strength

One of the things I did in 2013 was play in the stake musical production. Here I am with Tevye playing Tradition! from Fiddler on the Roof. 🔥

As I paged through a journal I wrote in 2013, I was amazed at the things I did that year. All of our children were still living at home, so beyond the things I recorded in the journal, there were so many meals, so much laundry, and so much driving. One line stands out to me from this journal,

“My favorite sin right now is haste.”

By “haste” I meant that I didn’t take enough time to be still.

In 2025, haste is no longer a favorite sin. I have been given the gift to be still. True, I have less laundry and cooking to do now, but there are a few more dominant forces during the last 12 years that taught me to slow down.

Saying goodbye to Tim, 2021

First, the years of decision arrived for our children with college, missions, marriage, and beyond. I realized that the most important thing I can do for my children is to pray for them. And when they ask for advice, I need an arsenal of inspired wisdom. I choose stillness for the sake of my children.

In the hospital, 2020

Second, I had poor health for an extended time which taught me to slow down. I was forced to stop filling my life with non-essentials. I learned to sit on the couch and listen to my family. I didn’t miss being busy, so as my health returned, I remained more present and unhurried.

The women who served with me 2019-2024

Third, I had church callings that stretched me to study deeply. We had unprecedented and perplexing issues to handle, so I had to be still so I could see the path forward. I was perplexed so often that stillness became a habit.

This exercise of looking back over 12 years of personal growth shows me that my Father in Heaven works through many means to help me to change.

Hand out of water

A friend asked me recently if I am keeping busy these days. She said that it’s funny how you can be so busy raising children, and just like lifting a hand from a bucket of water, immediately the gap gets filled when they are gone.

It was a good analogy, a hand lifted from water. Things just slide in to take over the days. This is not to say that the transition is easy or without complexity, and I think the process has aged me. The process is also transforming me. There are many things to do in life, and they come rushing at me each morning in ripples of ideas and possibilities. So, I keep sloshing along, not in a hurry, but finding meaning in a few new things. Fluid is my favorite metaphor for life right now.

My letter to Mark this week

Dear Mark,

The day that you got hurt, you were probably in shock for many hours afterwards, dulling the reality of what you experienced. Perhaps there was some pain as the anesthetic wore off, and the reality of dealing with a cast is really a challenge. I know that it is no fun to have an illness or injury away from home. I remember being alone in the hospital in 2020 for many days. During that isolating and painful time, I came to hear God’s voice better than if I had spent those days happily at home. It was worth the pain to know the Lord better.

I hope that you feel our prayers for you and that the healing process is uncomplicated. I hope that you are able to manage any pain that you have. I hope that you will know God better through this experience. I think you were protected from worse injury. I think that you are going to be just fine. Before I knew that you were hurt, I experienced a really calm feeling that morning, and I knew it was a spiritual impression. I think the Lord was preparing me. As I looked back on the day, I realized that the Lord really did “speak peace to my mind” to let me know that you were being cared for … even before I knew what happened.

Here are some things I observed about you as we interacted that day that make me proud of you.

  • Your first concern was my experience saying goodbye to the McLaughlins.
  • You were upbeat.
  • You were anxious to tell us about the baptism and confirmation. What a gift you provided through your righteous exercise of priesthood authority.
  • You are loved by the missionaries who know you.
  • You were concerned about the cost of medical care for us, and didn’t dwell on the negative part of your day. You were selfless and brave. I am proud of you.

Sending hugs,

Mom 

Moving day

Daniel and McKenna are now Provo residents. We are thankful for all the pieces that came together so they could make this move. Daniel will no longer have that long commute to school at BYU.

We also had a video call with Elder Ross, so it was a bit of a reunion this afternoon.

Fun fact: I think that Tim is Daniel and McKenna’s landlord. 😄 Tim’s new adventure is that he is a property manager at my dad’s company.

Posting from the heart

Our kids didn’t have social media accounts until late in high school or after high school. This post showed up this week on Facebook from Mark, written in Danish. Missionaries in Denmark are having a lot of success on Facebook, which isn’t their generation’s social media platform of choice. So, despite being new to this part of the social media world, they post their hearts.

Hopscotch

I’m currently in a time warp because I have been tackling Christmas a little earlier this year. In my head, it is Christmastime, but the grocery store reminds me there is a big Thanksgiving holiday ahead. I have a friend who does her Christmas shopping by October, sets up her tree in early November, and sails through December. I admit that I don’t like to skip the focus of Thanksgiving, but this year, surrounded by Christmas preparations, I am not living in the moment. Maybe playing hopscotch over Thanksgiving helps me forget the empty chairs around our table as I make sure there are simple gifts beneath every tree. Perhaps focusing on Christmas is one way to show my thanks for my greatest blessings: our Savior and our family.

Oh, look. I wrote a book.

A mother of very young children asked me in church on Sunday, “So, what do you do all day [now all your kids are gone]?”

Lately, this is a difficult question to answer without some emotion, but I wanted to convey to her that I love my life. I have always been able to do the things that match my temperament, family, and interests. So I chose to say this about my new phase of life, “I am a writer, and solitude is good for that.”

A couple weeks ago, I compiled the talks that I’ve given in sacrament meetings and stake conferences for the last 9 years serving as a church organization president of a Relief Society and then stake Primary. Friends, I have written a book of religious thought without realizing it. 😂