Tim’s two mission assignmentsMission home in Vancouver 12/29/21
I have been uneasy this week, knowing Tim was in transit in a challenging time, but I have tried not to indulge in my feelings. Without wallowing in my fears, I have been gentle with myself and allowed for comfort, quiet, reading, journaling, and some rest. Tim’s mission is not about me. My prayers have evolved from merely, “Please protect and guide him,” to, “Thy will be done,” (not said in resignation but as an affirmation) and, “Please let my son be a blessing to someone today.” The more I make this about God’s will and and helping others, and focus less on my feelings, the more healthy I become in my heart.
There were around 600 missionaries who entered the missionary training center this week, and that can make a person think this is just something we do in our religious culture. But I have the view that every missionary is a unique marvel, and it doesn’t escape my notice that we lend our children to the Lord at the gates of a temple. It is a sacred act to say goodbye to a child going on a mission. For this child I prayed, it is true, but we aren’t really the ones who are doing the lending. It is our son’s decision and gift.
Acts 26:16
The MTC room in our house had a sacred feeling that could capture my breath while Tim lived with us as a missionary. When he left, the room, while peaceful, did not have the same impact. This is evidence to me of the power of God to transform a teenager into a minister and a witness. I don’t know what Tim will be able to do in this pandemic-ridden world, or where he will serve because of so many uncertainties, but I have experienced the peace that accompanies a missionary. The world needs this kind of peace, and I believe the Lord will use our son for good.
2 Timothy 1
So we send him on his way. The hugs are inadequate to convey all we feel, but as I look up at the blue sky and feel the warmth of the sun this week, I feel a compensating joy. I have learned the only way to drive away fear is to act in faith. Then we see miracles.
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord… but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God; Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began.
Today is preparation day for Tim, the day he will need to do his laundry, pick up a new suit and dry cleaning, and get his car back on the ground so we can drive it during his mission. He sold all his vehicles but this one. This one holds so much of his time and labor, I don’t blame him for not wanting to get rid of it.
I cleared away all the autumn stuff yesterday and Mark and I put up all of our Nativities and two trees. Tonight we decorate gingerbread houses to celebrate an early birthday for Tim.
We have tried to be quiet for MTC classes and I never know how long Tim will have for dinner, but I feel pretty good about our family’s role in helping Elder Ross on the first leg of his mission. We haven’t been super spiritual, we have just tried to be helpful and available. Routines have definitely been rocked during the past few weeks, and I am giving myself a measure of grace for not being a monument to family gospel study. With so many unknowns and a rotating schedule, we have scraped through with prayer and a few verses of scripture. We made a gratitude display with scriptures and things we are thankful for. When the kids were younger, we definitely did more than this. I think on this a lot, and haven’t arrived at a strong conclusion about why, or how we can fix things. One truth is that our teens don’t want to engage in conversation with the whole family. It is more of a one-on-one phenomenon when it happens. There is no magic solution to every problem once a home becomes a “missionary training center.” Another truth is that our home has been an MTC all their lives, whether we realize it or not. The piano practice, gospel study, togetherness, and learning to work and serve, it is all there.
We take our places in line together, one, two, three, last time. As we send Tim off to serve, once again our photos won’t be complete for a while. I have been thinking how the pandemic has lengthened our experiences with our children. Everything in our lives shifted, and we have been together more than we imagined we would at this phase in our lives. We have been given time, precious, unexpected, fortifying time, for which I am so thankful.
I was inspired by someone who keeps a gratitude journal to do my own this year. Here is what I wrote last week.
Sun 14
People were kind to Tim, and watched his talk online and came to the meeting and showed support in many ways.
Tim is now a missionary.
A beautiful sunset, a sign from heaven.
The S.L. children’s sacrament meeting presentation, singing The Spirit of God.
A visit from P and B from Austin.
Mon 15
Cute missionary vibes coming from behind the door in Paige’s old room, our home missionary training center.
A nice, slow day to recover a bit.
We shared favorite scriptures for family night. Mark: John 16:33; Tim (Elder Ross): Mosiah 4:11-12; Richard: D&C 121:7-8; Mine: Isaiah 61:1-3
Tim filled the house with piano music in the evening.
I am thankful for my journal to write in and to go back and read.
Tues 16
The recipe for stew that was the perfect comfort food after hearing Tim would be temporarily reassigned to Vancouver, Canada. (Not sad, just shocked and overwhelmed at having to get winter stuff so quickly.)
I shopped for clothing in the middle of the night and found things that would arrive before Tim leaves on December 1.
A Mitford novel to comfort me.
Daniel offered his mission coat to Tim.
Wed 17
Morning sunshine after a sleepless night
K.G. and family are recovering well from Covid. I have been worried about them.
I had time and clarity to finalize my presentation for stake Primary training.
I listened in to a missionary training meeting about obedience. It was so inspiring! Tim’s goodness fills the room. He is pleasant and happy.
Thurs 18
RJ was spared in an accident on the freeway.
I feel so blessed to work with my presidency. A and S taught and led with inspiration and power at the training meeting.
Richard helped me shop at Costco and arranged to have the oil changed in the car.
EL helped set up the technology for our training.
C put together beautifully packaged refreshments.
President T. from the stake presidency supported us by attending. He says the best things. “If Jesus came to your ward, I think He’d go to the Primary first.”
Fri 19
I sat down to write thank you notes. It took hours. People have been so kind to me.
An ailment I have felt for about 3 weeks just went away today.
Sat 20
We had an easy, straightforward trip to the suit shop to get a suit for Tim.
Both K. and M. came to dinner.
JB and JC listened and showed empathy.
I am thankful for the time I spent cleaning my pretty kitchen. It felt good to make it sparkle.
Sun 21
I was given strength and confidence to present my talk in a couple of wards.
Kind words from some people after my talk.
We spent time choosing music for our annual Christmas video and slideshow. I am so thankful for Paige and Tim’s help!
What a full weekend we have had. Tim was set apart on Sunday as a missionary and we invited his two best friends to join us. I attended several Primary programs in addition to our sacrament meeting where Tim spoke. One Primary sang I Hope they Call Me on a Mission, and I was glad I was wearing a mask/tear catcher as those children suddenly reminded me of Tim at their age. He sang a solo once in a Primary program. He doesn’t remember singing this solo, but his clear voice is a vivid memory for me, 🎵An angel came to Joseph Smith, and from the ground he took a sacred record hidden there, a precious, holy book.🎶
He will train from home for two weeks and enter the Provo MTC on December 1. His target date to fly to Guam is December 29, but like you, we have been trained to be really flexible and prepared for things to shift.
Tiny art by Paige for my miniature museum, featuring Tim as a missionary in Micronesia.
Being the planner that I am, I get lost in future scenarios really easily. I love to sit down with my day planner and organize everything. Sometimes I have to limit how long I allow myself to live in the future because hello, there are people here, right now, that could use some attention.
I also have a sentimental side that collects images and artifacts from every event in our lives. I find that when I am most stressed, it is my memories that will ground me. Favorite escape memories for me often involve scenes from my childhood: a still, black, icy night walking home from a tithing settlement with my family; feeling static shocks at my great-grandmother’s house from her shag carpet while eating her pink wintergreen lozenges; the leathery, then papery crunch of autumn leaves under my feet as I walked home from elementary school on a golden afternoon. The past is a friend when I am a bag of nerves.
The present is probably the least easy place for me to inhabit. But this week that is where I have tried to live. We spent time with Tim and Mark last Friday, a last hurrah together before the mission. I didn’t take pictures, just mental ones. I have tried to be open to what the last week of regular life has brought to us. I watched Tim and Elder Josh Marz together in our front yard, talking and smiling on Josh’s last P-day before flying to his mission. I watched some shows with Mark who has a cold. I walked around a store and explored the Christmas aisles instead of just my usual in-and-out beeline to the things on my list.
We gather tomorrow for an outdoor goodbye party for Tim. On Sunday, he will speak in church and be set apart as a missionary. All the planning and work makes the present more enjoyable. My word of the month is SHINE. We’re ready.
Our mailman has been 3 for 3 this week for bringing good things. He delivered the long awaited passport. The next two days he delivered some family history and a kind note. I have been praying for that silly passport to come, and feel so happy that we are moving forward again with Tim’s travel details. I learned a new dimension of trust in God’s will as I gave up my worry each day, a tattered offering to God who does not make mistakes, and whose will is done on earth as it is in heaven.
