Category: Marriage

The day I studied Richard

Richard and I met when I was 18.  We did many things among friends. My apartment met with his apartment to go to concerts or go on hikes or whatever you do when you’re in college. (I forget.)

He was so nice, smart, and talented.

One day I watched him walk around during church fulfilling some responsibilities. I remember several impressions I had. One was that I wanted to feed him something. Another impression was that he looked very dear. I can’t think of any other way to say it. (Sorry, Richard.)

It wasn’t for another year that we even went on a date or talked much. But he remained a study for me. For instance, I remember him driving me and my friends to the base of our mountain hike. He let us crank the radio of his car and I remember singing really loudly. He had a car (sigh) and he was fun to be with.

There were more leaves to turn and more important qualities revealed during that year before we dated.

When I see him I still want to feed him and I still think he looks dear.

Memories

I don’t think I will ever get over leaving Texas.

Mark asked if this was Paige in this picture. Nope. It is me, 8 years ago in Salado. Richard and I were surrounded by  fireflies as we sat near this stream as it grew dark.

Sigh.

That’s all, folks.

It’s Tradition.

This was the Christmas present that instigated an extra Christmas present and I have Topol to thank for it.

A month before Christmas I received a phone call from Broadway Tucson with an automated recording for all ticket holders of Fiddler on the Roof. Topol had been injured and he wouldn’t be performing for the rest of the season. This meant two things. I would never see Topol perform as Tevye and Richard’s Christmas present was no longer a surprise.

I was faced with a dilemma. Should I tell Richard about the phone call? I decided to break it to him gently.

“Topol has been injured and will be out for the rest of the season,” I said bluntly as he walked in the door from work.

Now Richard was faced with a dilemma. Compensating for the loss of a Christmas surprise is serious business.

His solution? Amazon.com.

I love each of my Christmas presents. The show on Saturday was very good. I played along in my memory, and I wish the woman behind us had followed my lead. She sang and quoted the whole first act. I will always remember this performance because we heard it in stereo, with a raspy, crass voice behind us singing, “Do you love me?” etc.

Fiddler on the Roof was my first show as a performer. I soloed as the violinist at Sundance for one night when I was 15. My teacher congratulated me and reminded me that I was now a professional. (I smiled even then at the unlikely event that I would ever be a professional violinist). I played the show again when I was 16. Richard and I went to the show for our 5th anniversary. He was hoping to let me see Topol for our 15th.

Clearly, the show is Tradition for us.

As we drove home, we didn’t talk. I decided to ask Richard what song he had playing in his head.

“Le Chaim,” he replied before starting to sing.

The song in my head was Sunrise, Sunset.

What song do you love from Fiddler on the Roof?

Thoughts after chips and salsa

A funny thing happened last night on our date to La Placita.

We ate the same food we always eat.

We left the kids with the same instructions to eat macaroni and cheese.

We drove off in our white car.

All the usual.

We wove another uninterrupted strand of conversation encircling the regular topics of our lives.

We didn’t talk about our marriage* or anything metaphysical like,

“Should we send Daniel to a charter school?”

(Though Richard tried.)

No– last night was an airing of a commonplace conversation.

But even though we didn’t talk about our marriage directly,

I felt the line between “he” and “me” in our conversation begin to blur.

Our minds met, overstepping previous lines of demarcation:

I spoke a little more about politics; He, a little more about my church calling.

I realized that though our hearts learned to communicate first,

Our minds, sympathies and opinions are becoming less “his” and “hers” varieties today.

And these sympathies meet in our brief and precious dates over chips and salsa,

Further defining our marriage.

What we were doing 15 years ago

Here I am, jumping off a cliff with only a rope and a prayer and Dale Ross to catch me. It’s funny that I went through with this. I think I was trying to impress this guy…

who asked me to marry him a day later on January 3, 1995.

My Man Friday

I hardly saw Friday coming through the flutter of papers around me this week. Now my task is to escape the laundry room in time to enjoy its possibilities.

And I will try not to ruin the implied rest that Fridays should bring by staying up too late, savoring the freedom. Richard and I will watch a DVD.  He’ll want to watch something loud, and I’ll want to watch something with women wearing gowns with empire waists.

I’ll let Richard win because he used his day off to teach two robotics classes and deal with a dying (wild) animal on our back patio.

We’ll crank up huge surround sound speakers and I’ll feed him freshly baked brownies and the frustrations will go away for a while. Richard is my consolation at the end of the week and I feel rewarded by his time spent with me. Richard is the main reason I love Fridays.

Folding laundry now,

A

Softening of the Heart

Desert Museum

How have my interactions with my family helped to soften my heart this week?

  • Richard and I stayed up late and watched our favorite Mormon Tabernacle Christmas DVD. The King’s Singers were the guest artists with the choir.  The most moving piece for both of us is Oh Holy Night, and we saved it for last. We promised ourselves that we won’t listen to it again until Christmas Eve, it’s so special. As I listened to the music and reflected on the words of Luke 2, I just felt so happy. Christ came! He lived and loved us. I wanted to be a better person. I loved everyone.
  • Timothy was so upset on Saturday. All I can say is that it had something to do with being the middle brother. I took him with me to the grocery store. He let me put my arm around him as we walked through the parking lot. He got more and more cheery and chatty as we shopped. He melted my heart.
  • Mark wanted to spend time with me at church today, so I let him skip nursery and he helped me with some church work before I eventually dropped him off in his class. In the process, I lost a lens from one of my glasses. I searched all over the church, only to find the lens was safely in his little hand at the end of his nursery class. He’d held it during snack and playtime in nursery and had kept it safe for my return. Bless his little heart.
  • Learning the human nervous system is a big job and there are a lot of vocabulary words. Paige hasn’t enjoyed it, so I read science to Paige this week as we both stretched out on my bed. I felt the frustration just melt away.
  • Daniel walked Sparky at the park this week. I brought Mark and his friend Aleah along, too. I watched Daniel interact with the little 3 year olds from a distance. He allowed Aleah to walk her spider fingers all over his head and arms. He helped urge Mark forward when he lagged behind. Simple, happy moments.

It’s my greatest hope to have a softer heart, more Christlike ways, and to keep my family close to me. Perhaps in the writing of some of these simple things, the softening can last a little longer. I have some real battles this week in my life. A difficult person to deal with, two big events, and the usual errands and business. I have learned that it’s better to be charitable than tough; compassionate rather than judgmental; patient rather than hasty… and that requires Grace, accessed through prayer and humility and obedience.

Mr. Wonderful

Richard at Provo River

Dear Richard,

I just thought I’d thank you for driving us up to Utah (and by this, I mean, Utah Valley as opposed to St George, which as you know, I don’t consider part of Utah proper). Truly, this was a really great trip for our family, and well, Me.

Thank you for buying us tanks to blow up. It really is like throwing cash right into the fire, isn’t it? You were a good sport about that.

Thank you for waiting in the van while I ran into Wal-Mart not one, but two different times within a day so the kids could watch their movie in the van and Daniel and I could have clean shirts for the reunion.

Richard playing ping pong

Thank you for taking lots of pictures for me to share with my parents on the blog. I hope you won that ping pong game, or that you held back from creaming my brother, throwing the game for the sake of family relations. Either way, I’m happy.

Thanks for gently reminding me that we decided 800 pixels, not 600 pixel width for our blog photos. You are right. The pictures look better BIG.

Richard and Mark

And thanks for being such a nice dad, giving rides on the mower, buying lots of chicken nuggets and fries, and dropping us off at the parade and then walking a mile, carrying doughnuts and pop tarts for us to eat at the parade. You were a good sport when we discovered that we didn’t have enough folding chairs for you to have a seat. If Richard II hadn’t noticed your plight, I bet you would have stood there the whole parade without complaining.

And I love you for it. Man, you look good in red.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO,

A