Marriage – Page 11 – Letters from Home

Los Alamos

Dear Richard,

We were darling in 1995 and living in Los Alamos, NM. When was the last time we reminisced about that lovely place and time?

The canyon views as we drove to work each morning were gorgeous. Remember meeting for lunch at the lake and reading that silly book Heaven Only Knows aloud? Remember how we would hike a new trail every weekend? The Red Dot trail was unforgettable for lots of reasons, and it was on the Pipeline Trail that we decided that we’d spend our wedding money to buy a computer… I think it had 75 megabytes of RAM and a 1 gigabyte hard drive?! We had a goal to play tennis on Wednesday nights and each evening after making dinner we’d sit down together and watch Coach. I tried to watch an episode of that a few years ago and I couldn’t remember why we liked that show so much.

One day we traveled to Santa Fe so you could take the GRE and I locked the keys in the car and we had to use a hanger to unlock the door. Gasoline cost $1.30 at the station all summer long. One of my favorite memories is the time we drove to Santa Fe to buy a piece of strawberry pie.

Remember when we played violin and piano duets at the Chamberlain’s house all evening while they were away? What about that camping trip in the thunderstorm when everything got drenched and we huddled together on the small island in the center of the tent through the night?

My memories of that time feel like mountain air, mixed with a bit of sunlight from our window on Sunday afternoons after church and the swell of grandeur in those views of the Rio Grande and mountain trails.

Those were sweet days. I thought I loved you then, but that was just the beginning.

Love,

A day or two

A lot can happen in one day. In our case, one day several weeks ago, Richard’s job responsibilities changed dramatically and he was whisked away to another state for a few months. The change was sudden and the implications of this temporary assignment continue to sink in on different levels of consciousness.

He has been home this weekend. The hours are precious and there are more things we wish we could do together before he goes back. I find myself treasuring our time and even our surroundings as precious gifts.

My Conference Notebook

This morning I am finishing my conference notebook. I got this idea from a religion course my mom took at BYU. The idea is to find the quotes that are meaningful to you from the words of the prophets and compile them by topic into a document.

This summer I read the General Conference addresses from the May Ensign and marked the passages that meant something to me. Next, I went through the marked passages and placed a post-it note at the top of the page with a topic written on it. I color coded these post-it notes, pink for motherhood, yellow for revelation, etc.

Using an electronic version of the Conference addresses, I am copying and pasting the quotes by topic into a Word document.

Through this exercise I have discovered that these are the topics that were important to me this year:

Motherhood
Priesthood
Revelation
Trials
Chastity
Marriage
Prayer
Media
Peace
Missionary Work
Obedience
Atonement of Jesus Christ
Mormonism IS Christianity

Prom & a Birthday

It was a weekend of lovely moments. Mark’s 7th birthday came and we celebrated with a trip to the dinosaur museum, a treasure hunt, and strawberry shortcake. We love our red boy whose enthusiastic oohs and aaahs at the dinosaur museum reminded us how great it is to discover something new.

Lovely Paige went to the school prom. She had a lot of compliments on the hairstyle that her aunt Susan created.

Thanks for all of the help, Susan!

Prom, a birthday, a trip to the cabin, and hosting a ward party at our house have taken all of our energy. I have a few regrets about the weekend, and one is that we didn’t get pictures of the beautiful homemade decorations and homemade ice cream bar that we made under a charming tent in our yard.

I sewed 30 feet of bunting in reds and blues to drape around the tent. There were blossoms from the yard in red and cream bud vases; there were red and blue dishes of chocolate, mixed berries, cookies, and nuts, arranged on a red and white gingham tablecloth. There was a candy machine with a jar of coins for the children to use. There were happy neighbors who stopped by to enjoy the festivities.

I’m not trying to write a design and lifestyle blog, so these lovely details will need to live in your imagination and my memory.

As Richard and I waited up for Paige to return from her date, he composed and performed his own lyrics to the song Bring ~~Him~~ Her Home to keep me smiling.

It’s a lovely life.

Some of today’s beautiful things

Tomorrow is our 18th anniversary. We went out to dinner last night to celebrate and Richard bought me roses.

Paige is working on a painting this weekend at home. It’s from a photograph taken at Pines Ranch when the poppies were in bloom. The little boys and their friends have been avid observers. When she started painting the poppies, celebrations ensued for Mark. One of Timothy’s friends said to me, “Your daughter is a REAL artist.”

When I look out any window, I see blossoms on trees. Wow, what a beautiful place, inside and out.

Here are some photos of a few of the fruit trees in our yard.

What do you do all day?

“What do you do all day?” was a question someone asked me in December. This question doesn’t bother me, no matter how it is phrased or who asks it. I never feel the need to defend my decision to be present at home, but today I feel like celebrating my full life.

I volunteer at the school.

I spend 2 mornings with the first graders each week and volunteer for a short shift on another day to compile homework packets for the fourth graders. I observe the teachers as I do this. I learn the names of the children in the classes. I look at displays in the hallway. I don’t always enjoy hearing first grade literature, but I want to help them improve their reading skills. In the 8 months that I have done this, I have seen real progress. I have taught art classes to the first graders and helped them create their own Jackson Pollack paintings and also some mosaics. I have helped with class parties and I ran cash registers at the book fairs. This week I am going to the zoo with Mark’s class. I’m pretty nervous about this one.

I read. I study.

I keep quotes and notes of history and religious topics and fill up notebooks with ideas. I read less now than when I was teaching, probably because the new house has required so much of my time. Here is a list of what I have read since the school year began:

Theodore Boone: Kid Lawyer by John Grisham
Hatchet by Gary Paulsen
Lincoln: A Phogobiography by Russel Freedman
Captains Courageous by Rudyard Kipling
Okay for Now by Gary D. Schmidt
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
This Time Together: Laughter and Reflection by Carol Burnett
Peter the Great: His Life and World by Roberk K. Massie 1136 pages of Russian & European history, politics, and wars
Silas Marner by George Eliot
The Infinite Atonement by Tad R. Callister
So Far From the Bamboo Grove by Yoko Kawashima Watkins
Founding Mothers by Cokie Roberts
Autobiography of Parley P. Pratt
Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder
Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder
On the Banks of Plum Creek by Laura Ingalls Wilder
By the Shores of Silver Lake by Laura Ingalls Wilder
The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder
Little Town on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
These Happy Golden Years by Laura Ingalls Wilder
The First Four Years by Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oddfellow’s Orphanage by Emily Winfield Martin
For Times of Trouble by Jeffrey R. Holland
Love, Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli
C.S. Lewis: A Biography by Roger Lancelyn Green and Walter Hooper
Founding Rivals: Madison vs. Monroe: The Bill of Rights and the Election thatSaved a Nation by Chris DeRose
Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
Lady Almina and the Real Downton Abbey: The Lost Legacy of Highclere Castle by The Countess of Carnarvon
Tevye the Dairyman by Sholem Aleichem
Lark Rise to Candleford: A Trilogy by Flora Thompson (in progress)

I care for and organize our home.

I did a lot of organization projects this year, but it was a particular focus in April. We also moved forward with a few plumbing and painting projects. It feels so good to make the house our own. Here is a list of the things we did in April. I did the organization and painting. Richard did the wiring, plumbing, and ceiling repairs.

Mark’s room: removed old dresser and moved all clothing to his closet. I hung some more quilts on the wall. I love colorful quilts.
Paige’s room: Paige cleaned out her old wardrobe and moved all clothing to her closet in bins that I had found on sale.
Daniel’s room: I organized clothing and organized Legos and collections; we bought paint for his room.
Timothy’s room: We painted, replaced switches, outlets, and plates; we sealed the window to keep the spiders out!
Storage room: I filled new bins to store all of our winter gear.
Craft room: I hung curtains in the closet, rearranged furniture, placed everything in containers, applied new plates on walls, and hung pictures
Upstairs family room: I found an inexpensive piece of artwork that I LOVE for one of the empty walls
Front yard: We planted daisies in planter on the doorstep.
Downstairs bathroom: We repainted, repaired the tub, added new caulk, added new hardware and textiles; we replaced the toilet, replaced switches, outlets, and plates, and sealed the window to keep the spiders out.
Basement: Richard replaced and repaired ceiling tiles.
Mudroom: I filled bins with winter gear and baseball gear, neatly labeled them, and placed them on shelves.
Upstairs bathroom: We sealed the shower, replaced the shower head, and deep cleaned the grout.
Upstairs living room/piano room: I hung TWO gold curtain panels.

I do all of the shopping and laundry and a lot of driving.

I bought winter wardrobes for every member of the family and shopped the sales for more bedding. With my extra time, I can shop more carefully for groceries and other things. I am in the car driving kids at least an hour a day.

I pursue personal interests.

I spent January compiling our family photo album for 2012; February was a month of musical performances; March and April I spent writing my grandmother’s history. I have joined a quilting group and will begin my first real pieced quilt this week. Richard and I enjoy creating media. In February, Richard and I revamped our “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” inspired trivia game about the Book of Mormon because we wanted it to be extra special for a mutual activity. The improved graphics, sounds, and hundreds of questions were a hit. I watch BBC dramas regularly, thanks to the library and Netflix. I write real letters to people.

I fulfill church responsibilities.

I am a visiting teacher to three women and I volunteer to watch the 5 month old quadruplets that live a few doors away. This service has helped me to find friendship among the women in my neighborhood. The quadruplets brighten my days.

I am a leader in the Young Women organization at church. I teach Sunday lessons and attend Mutual activities on Wednesday nights. I study for hours and hours to prepare lessons.

I spend time finding joy and feeling grateful.

I spend almost the same amount of time on education for my children as before, only it’s redirected. I have never felt like my day goes by slowly. I have less solitude than I expected, and I am happy.

I believe that I am blessed and I don’t know why. I see good women who have to struggle with things that I have never had to face. I’m blessed, but I have also made choices about how to spend my life and in the attitude that I adopt.

I believe that my life at home offers me so many possibilities. I can study what I wish; I have time to volunteer; I have the flexibility to NOT volunteer; I have leisure time, as well as a healthy dose of work. My life is good, and I am thankful for Richard who has always made it possible for me to be home where I want to be and where I believe my children need me to be.

Progress for women doesn’t just take the form of career opportunities. The more I read and learn, the more it becomes clear that my life is a dream vacation compared to what most women in history have experienced. It’s real progress for women to be free from want and ignorance. I’m not trying to keep my children from starving. I have time to study scriptures and other subjects with them after school; I have time and the means to shop for clothing and shoes. I don’t spend much time doing laundry or washing dishes. We have time to read and have access to great schools and libraries. I can get a job if I need to, even though I am married. It wasn’t that long ago that married women couldn’t have a job as a teacher. I’m thankful that this opportunity is there for me. I have the freedom to take a career, turn away from a career, or postpone a career. I admire the women who are raising children on their own and who work and do everything else. I cheer for those single mothers who shine, despite a difficult situation, and continue to raise amazing children.

I love my life. Sometimes I love my life because I can use my knowledge and talents to bless my family. I think I have drawn from everything I have learned in school and experience in my parenting. Sometimes I love my life, not because I am good at something, but because I have applied myself and find satisfaction in the work. Sometimes I love my life because I have had a glimpse of what my great-grandmothers’ lives were like and the contrast makes me feel so grateful. I love my life when I look at my children and I feel like I really know them.

Do I have problems in my relationships? Yes. Does my body give out sometimes? Yes. Do I have frustrating conversations with my children? Yes. Do I get tired of cooking? Yes. Do I love to be a chauffeur? No. But I am grateful, so grateful for my life, so full of possibilities and people, books and cozy corners in which to study them, and for children and all that comes with them. Most of all, I feel very thankful for Richard whose love, career, and sacrifices have made so many of my life’s joys possible.

My projects are his projects

1954-04-14 David — My dad, two days before my mom was born

I am so glad that Richard assumes the role of technician and editor so I can write and create. He makes my ideas become something more than dreams. I’m so grateful that he knows computer languages, English grammar, and is so unselfish about time.

When I was studying Greek philosophy a year or two ago, Richard came home with a book called A Pheonominally Phrank History of Philosophy (Without the Poncy Bits) so he could have conversations with me. This was an incredibly endearing gesture.

This week he knew that I had some photos to edit, so he sat down to preview some programs to help me do it. He worked on this picture of my dad which was covered in black dust spots. Thank you!

Year in Review

I love commencements, commemorations, lists, and encapsulating things. I’m an organizer, and the close of the year makes me itchy to craft a denouement for the year’s events.

Richard thinks that 2012 was our biggest year. I feel tired just thinking about all that we have done. Maybe I’m too tired to write the perfect summation, but I will try to give words to some of my thoughts about our year.

2012 was the end of an era for us. We had spent 15 years living outside of Utah and now we had an opportunity to come home. Our hearts weren’t always drawn to Utah. We loved the adventures that we found on our own and the people in Texas and Arizona. But our perceptions and needs changed in the past few years, making the answer to an offer to move to Salt Lake an obvious “Yes!”

With our move, we found that we could now drop in on Grandma when we felt like it and be at family events, big and small. No longer would temples be hours away; we could now drive 10 or 15 minutes and find ourselves in a temple of our choice. Our Utah neighbors are also fellow ward members, and this added dimension of relationship makes me realize how much I missed being understood and known by my neighbors in other states.

2012 brought us back to community. When we made the decision to put the kids in public school, it broke my heart, but we were strongly and explicitly led by the Spirit in our decision. I gave up cherished career. All I ever wanted to do was teach and be with my kids, and for 11 years I felt blessed that I could do it. The compensation for my personal sense of loss is this concept of community. I find a lot of fulfillment helping with reading and homework in the school. I love the halls of our elementary school. I love the teachers. I love the kids. On my birthday, which also happened to be election day, I sat in the hallway of the school, listening to children read to me. A steady flow of people came through the doors, heading to the polls. I had only been in town for 2 months, but I knew so many of those people because I had met them at school and church. These people knew me as a neighbor and a ward member, and many had helped counsel me as we made the decision to change to public school. Their warm hellos that day were a perfect gift.

My heart, while yearning for my children, has been filled with a love for those who teach them. I have learned that being a community member isn’t just about giving, it’s about receiving, too. The generosity and power of this community centers in the church and schools. I had watched our Arizona community splinter over education, an effect of which was manifested in my group of young women who didn’t know one another because almost every girl attended a different form of school. Although I knew and respected the circumstances for all of these different school choices, I was sorry that the girls were missing an element of community in their lives. I also watched the already sparse home schooling community splinter over a religious divide. I didn’t realize how divided our previous community was until I jumped into our new one.

You readers know how much we tried to be valuable community members during our years our home schooling, and you will also know how much we loved our previous neighbors. Our new community and decisions about schools are based on current and personal needs. It does not erase the love we had for people wherever we lived or diminish the experiences we enjoyed in home school. We have learned to respect personal decisions about education.

2012 brought a change in Richard’s career path, a culmination of many years of effort in his field. Nobody outside work really knows what Richard does, but it involves signal processing and communications, and he is good at it. He’s doing things in his new job that he has wanted to do for years. Hooray for our quiet hero, our breadwinner and anchor in our home.

2012 brought extreme physical, emotional, and spiritual demands. I am still dealing with a bit of anxiety which began after I got heat stroke during youth conference. Richard and I found that living in different states for so many weeks during the move drew us closer emotionally. The kids had to stretch in enormous ways as they became acclimated to public school and found new friends. We have had more reasons to ask for priesthood blessings this year than ever, and these blessings have been a real source of strength and help.

2012 had few constants. Our definition and location of our beloved home changed. Our callings changed. In January, I was Young Women president. Richard was on the high council. Now I am a Mia Maid advisor. Richard has a calling to help facilitate the new youth curriculum, i.e. help the new teachers incorporate the videos and teaching methods. We have a new climate. Our wardrobes and bedding have taken completely new forms. We are not together as often. We have new music and dance teachers and a new instrument in our home. We have unannounced visitors all of the time. Even our day for Family Home Evening has had to change. Perhaps the only constants are the people we kiss good night and our faith, but how comforting that through all this change, we have had each other.

We have needed people this year, and family and friends have carried us. Generosity in so many forms has graced our lives. Being a recipient of service helped me to find an appropriate place to put some old anger. We are surrounded by extended family who enrich our lives.

When I told Richard that I would marry him, I remember saying that we’d have a wonderful life together. Who knew what things we would experience over the years, especially during the big year of 2012, but it has been wonderful. I find that although I resist change, learning to embrace each season is a beautiful way to live.

Thank you for reading, blog friends and family. Happy New Year!

Wrap-up

Mark jumped from this ledge over and over, landing in the sand in a heap. Our eventful summer continues to demand our biggest efforts and some adventurous spirit.

Last night was the first time in a month that we were all home together (in Arizona). Its normalcy was soothing, although it’s really not normal for all of us to be home together. We let the dishes sit in the sink and we watched the Olympics and forgot about bedtime.

We’ve learned some things this summer living in two different states, not the least of which is how to text. We’re high-tech, but until now, we haven’t seen the need to type with our thumbs. Who knew how comforting this little exchange could be?

Are you there?

Yes.

and,

Good morning, Beautiful!

(That was from Richard.) 😉

When we need a break, Richard and I list good things that we know will come and good things that we hope will come with our move. Proximity to family and the temple rank very high, of course, but I’ll just share some light-minded ones with you:

Restaurants!
BYU football tickets
grass
trees
fireworks
seasons
food storage items in grocery stores
fry sauce
parades
Utah peaches
that General Conference feeling as it plays in almost every home in the neighborhood
Western Family brand
KSL radio
the lights at Temple Square

Arizona will always be with us, just as Texas is. Yesterday I had my first Sonoran hot dog and that will be something I’ll work to replicate all the rest of my life.

Hey, Utahns, what other (positive) little things do we have to look forward to? And no teasing about the cold, please. I know that 15 years living in cauldron states leaves me ill-equipped to handle the cold. Comment! Comment! I need company during these last days in the desert.