Category: Life according to Angela

Tonight I spent some time in a room with a woman who has a very long list of accomplishments, degrees, and two professions. We don’t know each other well. We were just thrown together into a musical group and I’ve spent the past few weeks learning about her.

I asked her about her education. She has multiple degrees. But then she looked at me and explained, “It’s because I don’t have any children.” She explained that she was educated because she didn’t want to sit home alone and she wanted to progress.

I said, “Well, I have children, and I spend my time trying to progress, too.”

Each of us chuckled nervously. I think it’s because we were crossing a boundary set by the women who fight over the labels of “mother” and “professional.” The mood lightened as she mentioned that she believed all women are dealing with the same challenges. I agreed. She still felt sad that she didn’t have children, and I feel a little lost because I gave up my regular job during the day, but our minds met and there was mutual support in that meeting. Children and income are inadequate measurements of success, anyway. We could be friends, despite the fact that we won’t have children at the same time and I’m not on a payroll like she is. I believe she will have her sweet children someday. I also believe that we’ll continue to progress, each of us with different challenges and opportunities.

Ultimately what God intends for each of us transcends both economics and homemaking as we know it. Because of this, it wearies me to read the words of women who belittle others for choosing homemaking instead of a career. On the other side, it breaks my heart to see women feeling deflated because someone has misjudged their decision to work or the reasons they do not have children. I am perplexed by the arguments of women who tell the world that it’s possible to have it all at the same time without tremendous sacrifice. All of this belittling, self pity, and self promotion is a great smokescreen to keep women from encouraging one another.

I’m in the mood to cheer for efforts to reach beyond worldly measures of success. I’m in the mood to say, “I am trying to become something more than you can imagine.” I’m in the mood to turn off the voices that say, “A profession is the greatest end,” and conversely, “The only place a woman can be of value is in the home.” The real answer isn’t someplace between these statements. It’s completely above them, ennobling and liberating because it doesn’t focus on labels. It focuses on who we are inside, not our titles or even our accomplishments. Someday all of these things will be gone. So many of our successes will seem like pieces of jewelry we can no longer wear. What will we look like without this jewelry? That is what we should be focusing on.

I spent some time making tissue paper carnations with first graders this week. I came home and made more and now I have a shelf full of happy paper carnation bouquets. I don’t know why handling paper is a favorite activity of mine.

We aren’t quite finished with the Halloween candy, but Valentine’s Day came anyway, and along with candy came a great variety of Valentines for the elementary boys. We exchanged Valentines each year with the home school groups in Arizona, so this wasn’t completely new; however, the amount of candy and the selection of Valentines is more plentiful and varied in public school.

My favorite quote of the week came from Timothy as he looked through his Valentines as we ran an errand in the car: “Why did she give me a Frankenstein Valentine?”

Frankenstein?

You know what? He DOES look a little like Frankenstein. Both Mark and Timothy received this Valentine. Ewwwww.

23 years ago, I was taking violin lessons from Liz Deters. She played the violin for Fiddler on the Roof at Sundance Summer Theater. When she went on vacation that summer, I got to fill in for her in the orchestra pit.

She told me, after handing me the paycheck, “Angie, now you are a professional violinist.”

I was 15 and my hair was very big. Enjoy your laugh. My mom asked me to pose  in front of the orchestra pit, which was a cold, dark, primitive arrangement which was covered with insufficient plastic when it rained. I depended heavily on the accordion player and I made some big mistakes, but I did it. I played for a huge audience.

This experience, although small, meant so much to me. It was the biggest moment in my violin career, and one of only two gigs for which I have been paid.

I didn’t choose to follow violin dreams. I never felt like I fit in with the company that I kept. The crowd was elite and intense. My poor skill in scales and theory as well as my lack of a broad knowledge of violin repertoire are my weaknesses.

However, I have always felt that I had a gift, even if it wasn’t well honed. I told myself that when people asked me to play, I would say yes. I have said no to requests only two times in the 29 years that I have played.

Saying yes is the price to keep my skills.

Funerals, missionary farewells, firesides, Stake Broadway shows, Church and community Christmas concerts, sacrament meetings, mountain hillsides, and desert landscapes are a small list of my amateur venues over the years. I’ve also been a part of a couple of ensembles and I was the concert master in an orchestra in Tucson.

Since moving back to Utah, I have been asked to play OFTEN. I’m working to reestablish a good practice schedule. Last night I had a great time at the Stake Broadway Review rehearsals. I get to play Fiddler again, and I’m loving it.

The show is on February 23rd. Come!