Category: Life according to Angela

Scattered

“The Lord is hastening His work to gather Israel. That gathering is the most important thing taking place on earth today. Nothing else compares in magnitude, nothing else compares in importance, nothing else compares in majesty.”

-Russell M. Nelson

One paradox of gospel living is that if we want to be gatherers, we will need to scatter in some way.

This might look like spending time away from home, scattered about in service.

Elder Cook taught, “When we shine, we gather.” Abandoning old habits, scattering them in the wake of better choices and Christ’s grace, has an effect of making a person shine.

Our family may be scattered for now, but wherever we are, we can be gatherers. Each time we have sent a family member to serve a mission, I have felt the blessing of additional spiritual strength. This is another paradox of gospel living, that in feeling incomplete, I become more intact in Christ. Gathered.

Hopscotch

I’m currently in a time warp because I have been tackling Christmas a little earlier this year. In my head, it is Christmastime, but the grocery store reminds me there is a big Thanksgiving holiday ahead. I have a friend who does her Christmas shopping by October, sets up her tree in early November, and sails through December. I admit that I don’t like to skip the focus of Thanksgiving, but this year, surrounded by Christmas preparations, I am not living in the moment. Maybe playing hopscotch over Thanksgiving helps me forget the empty chairs around our table as I make sure there are simple gifts beneath every tree. Perhaps focusing on Christmas is one way to show my thanks for my greatest blessings: our Savior and our family.

Oh, look. I wrote a book.

A mother of very young children asked me in church on Sunday, “So, what do you do all day [now all your kids are gone]?”

Lately, this is a difficult question to answer without some emotion, but I wanted to convey to her that I love my life. I have always been able to do the things that match my temperament, family, and interests. So I chose to say this about my new phase of life, “I am a writer, and solitude is good for that.”

A couple weeks ago, I compiled the talks that I’ve given in sacrament meetings and stake conferences for the last 9 years serving as a church organization president of a Relief Society and then stake Primary. Friends, I have written a book of religious thought without realizing it. 😂

This is the grace of God

I’m pretty sure that the words this Apostle spoke to us won’t live in memory as long as what he did after the meeting.

He invited every person who wanted to shake his hand to come forward. A long line formed as most people in the audience joined the line. He asked their names and showed genuine interest. We watched him do this for about an hour and a half as he stood at the end of our row in the chapel. One by one, he ministered to all.

I am not the type to stand in line to meet important people. It could be shyness or ingrained patterns of trying to be invisible. Heavenly Father knows this about me, and He also knew I needed some encouragement. So, we had front row seats to observe a Special Witness of Christ express love in the pattern that Christ has shown. When the crowd was gone, I didn’t need to do anything but stand up in order to meet Elder Gong because he was right there waiting at the end of our bench. This is the grace of God.

Growing Up

Next week I will turn 50 years old. I found this little piece of my writing from a few years ago that describes what growing up looked like for me in my 40’s,

Years ago, I was in my smug thirties, so self-assured that I considered myself a lifestyle expert. I think our move to Utah in 2012 was the end of many things, including the belief that I know very much. Over the years, my writing about parenting and education has slowed, and a trend towards more religious thought comes through…

To grow up is to give up idols, even the ones that we thought were safe to keep: dependence on a friend, youth, surroundings, talents, processes, and routines.

To grow up is to be shaken, again and again, out of comfy shoes to march in new ways.

[In my 40’s], “growing up” looks like squared shoulders and brisk walks into unfamiliar rooms as a [church] leader, sometimes seeing smiles fade with my approach. It’s white knuckles, holding on to a few words that are true. It’s finding meaning in the warmth of the sun hitting my hair as I pray before facing a challenge. It’s a racing pulse while saying the things God puts into the heart. It’s choosing silence in order to snuff out animosity. It’s discerning light, despite people expressing doubt and fear. It’s goodbye after goodbye. It’s disappointing people. It’s watching myself become ridiculous and also deaf. It’s ignoring the urge to blend in. It’s giving, despite an absence of response or a negative response to the gift.

This was written in 2020, and in the four years since this time, I have more to add. Mostly, it’s that growing up also brings a new depth of joy: Joy in family, the joy of hope, and the joy of finding God so involved in my life.

Bedside photograph

This photograph sits at my bedside and it makes me feel the blessing of my years with our children. It’s a bright spot in the dull days of grief that I am experiencing. Yes, grief for a good thing like a son going on a mission! The feelings of loss will do their work and change me, and that is a gift. The sadness will also wane in its intensity. So, please be patient and gentle. I am under construction again.

A formula that works

Blue + yellow = green.

Blue=initial reaction to trials

Yellow=God’s response to prayers

Green=courage and determination enhanced as a result of prayer

The formula is clear in Alma 58:9-13. Just read the highlighted words and apply them to a challenge that you are facing. This formula has worked for me my whole life.

MMSK and Conference

Before Mark was set apart as a missionary, he wanted one last gathering with his Sanchez cousins who are his age, so we invited them to spend part of conference weekend here. MMSK is pronounced “misk,” and it’s an acronym of their names. Mostly, there was a lot of nonsense going on as they “watched conference”, but I think that the time together was important.

Mark and Richard attended a session of General Conference on Sunday. They brought the binoculars, which was a great idea.

Mark’s last traditional general conference tower for a while.

When Mark sent in his mission papers last spring, I assumed he would be on a mission long before now. We’ve had a long preparation period, which was good in many ways and challenging in others.

We had time for more spiritual preparation and temple worship. Mark received mentoring in Preach My Gospel and got some work experience from his Sanchez grandparents. We had time to travel this summer.

The long wait means that the bandaid is being removed very slowly. I am pretty fragile lately.

Now that Mark has had a few days of home MTC, he is excited to go to the Provo MTC next week. Everything is as it should be: the wait, the anticipation, the emotions accompanying a goodbye, the excitement, his assignment. Everything.

how it’s going

I think that my current anxieties about getting the right clothing for Mark’s mission are because I know that these are some of the last tangible things that I can do for him. We are moving into a different phase where my help shifts almost completely to intangibles. I am crying every day, as one does at such a time.

He has clothing for Arctic temperatures and rain and a lifetime of other preparation. We now have just a few minor things to purchase.

All I need to do is look outside to see my annual “missionary sunflowers” (which first showed up when Daniel left on his mission) for a reminder that God is taking care of everything for Mark. And He allows me to do the very motherly thing to shop for the right coat.