It occurs to me that I spend time chasing after things that are already mine.
I look for measurements of my popularity, but I already know that I am loved.
I work to prove my value, but my worth has always been intact.
I seek joy in habits that don’t bring me joy, yet I knew how to have it long ago, dancing on the lawn as a child.
Joy comes after effort, but I don’t need to work so hard to find things that I am already carrying in my pocket. I no longer dance spontaneously on the front lawn, but the essential formula remains: Joy comes from just letting go.
Our lives feel like they are on pause in this endless winter with so much snow that our canyon is closed.
We watched general conference all weekend. For us, this looks like Legos and blocks on the floor, blankets on the sofas and chairs, a whiteboard and markers for making summaries of talks, and so many snacks. Every crumb of snacks that I poured into bowls was consumed. I made cinnamon rolls and broccoli soup, and served a key lime pie and lots of other things. We walked each day to restore ourselves after the stupor of watching television.
I write this on a scheduled lazy morning. We are expecting another pile of snow today. (Happy spring break to us!) I can’t get excited about this week of snow and the removal of Mark’s wisdom teeth. In fact, I dread, dread, dread the wisdom teeth appointment. (Snuggling deeper into a blanket) Maybe if I think about Easter and make some plans that will help.
I am also watching another flight for Tim. He is always chatty and energized when he gets a transfer, which for the Micronesia Guam mission means an oversea flight. Richard watches YouTube videos analyzing plane crashes for enjoyment when I am not around. He knows that I don’t need to feed my mind any more death scenarios. I will be glad when the little green dot on the website lands in Guam later today, which is tomorrow for Tim.
I had several unconnected conversations with friends last month that led me to pick up my orthodontic retainers and wear them again. Never stop wearing your retainers is my piece of wisdom for today. There are lots of retainers in our lives, not just orthodontic ones: Date nights, repentance, the sacrament, finding God in prayer, finding Jesus in scripture study… Never stop with the retainers.
I have a quilt to finish, but I think I will wait to shop for more fabric. My stack of books is growing. Last week I was a little sick, and one night I went to bed discouraged by what I hadn’t accomplished. But then I felt the impression to consider all I HAD accomplished that day, despite all. Sometimes we just need to make a backwards TO DO list, and simply list what’s DONE. For me, this is the ultimate self care routine.
Many years ago, I wrote a post about this little 2″ x 2″ tile that I pulled from the floor during the demolition of my parents’ cabin. These very old tiles were so fragile, and my efforts to extract them mostly ended in them crumbling to pieces. It took a long, careful effort to dislodge this one. I wrote how the process of removing this tile was like helping people make changes in their lives. I displayed this tile to remind me to be patient and gentle with others, but I was definitely overlooking a beam in my own eye.
Later, I found this quote, “For you, I would keep working on me.” This challenged my reason for having this tile on display. I realized that I should think of myself as the stubborn tile.
I still display this tile, but it is no longer just a reminder to be loving and patient with others. It reminds me to keep working on me, and that it is God’s hand that lovingly frees us.
Golden light or steely white, sunshine, snow, or rain? Two seasons vie for the title, jumbled, mixed, and frantic. Successor, king, usurper, winner, loser. Two seasons, tossed again and again. Winter cheats. It wins and wins.
We tend to find what we seek, especially in the temple. Today, I took spiritual shelter there, and I lingered for a long time. I was seeking rest in the midst of some concerns, and I noticed there was a comfortable chair waiting for me in the celestial room.
If you need some shelter, there is a chair waiting for you at the temple, even in the waiting area or on the grounds. The Spirit feels the same, wherever you are within the gates. Perhaps you could find your own comfortable spot under the shelter of a temple spire. It’s not about the building, though. Just like a grandmother’s house, the feeling stems from the one who lives there.
For thou hast been a strength to the poor, a strength to the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shadow from the heat, when the blast of the terrible ones is as a storm against the wall.
Timothy is currently serving his mission in Palau, and this was my letter to him this week. I think these are words I would like all of my children to have.
Dear Tim,
I have taken President Nelson’s counsel to write down the thoughts that come to my mind when I pray. I had some experiences with personal revelation recently that support patterns that I have experienced throughout my life.
* Answers are never complicated. Simplicity is the language of the Spirit. Simple phrases or basic clarity are common for me.
* Even when I am wrong, God is always encouraging and gentle.
* Peace comes when I submit to what God tells me, even if it isn’t what I wanted to hear. This weekend I second-guessed some revelation about a talk I was giving. When I finally trusted the original impression, my mind became settled and calm.
* Sometimes Heavenly Father helps me step away from the experience and see a wider perspective on an issue. He helps me see that yes, today might be hard, but the difficulty is there for my benefit.
Keep showing love to people and be your charming self, and miracles will happen. There will be miracles that you won’t see because they are taking place in people’s hearts and minds, but they are happening.
Who would have thought there were so many things in the world which I do not want! That happiness consisted in not having many, but in needing the fewest things.
My mom saved these favorite toys from my childhood, and occasionally, I pull them out of storage to see how they have weathered the years. They still make my heart do a little flip.
These are a few things I wrote down in my journal of God’s tender mercies during the past week.
I was invited to an Alzheimer’s conference last summer to support a friend who was on a panel, and I came home with lots of good information. Another friend was recently diagnosed with the disease, and the notes I gathered last summer allowed me to give her accurate information and a strong list of professional resources. My friend’s physician had given her nothing but a diagnosis, not even a pamphlet. It is a tender mercy that I was prepared to comfort a friend with this information. We read the words together on her couch, and she felt understood, validated in her symptoms, and empowered to move forward. It was a precious experience to see how God orchestrated this moment long before her diagnosis.
During a conversation with Mark after school, he was finishing a snack and telling me about the things he was working on. I caught a glimpse of him as he was thinking at the counter that seemed to magnify who he was and inform me of his goodness. I felt an overwhelming feeling of love, so strong it made tears come to my eyes. I think this was a God moment, an instant where I was given to understand who Mark is and how God feels about him. How I love this young man.
The miracle of health when I need to serve in my calling continues. The headache that plagued me over the weekend disappeared when I needed to teach and make a visit to a Primary.
I am having one of those weeks where almost everything I planned to do has slipped off the list. For some reason, I have been drawn to finishing things that have been on the long term list: Forgotten things, procrastinated things, things that require the kind of attention only a person trapped inside on a winter day can give. That is this week’s story.
I finished a book I started reading 10 years ago. It was a difficult book, despite its short length, but worth reading. It was a 17th century text of religious meditations. In case you are wondering, I don’t know why I get myself into these things.
I finished a huge Shutterfly photo book project that I have been working on for 15 months.
Today, Thursday, is my family history day, and I hope to finish transcribing dates to a spreadsheet from an old birthday book kept by my great grandmother. I have had this book for either 2 or 5 years (I forget) with the intent to do this.
I hope I am not the only one who has projects that have been put off for years. To celebrate the week, I am erasing the original to do list and giving myself a star for facing some of those monsters under the bed.
