Life according to Angela – Page 101

What to do?

It’s Sunday, and that usually means extra church meetings for Richard and me. But today is special because it’s a rare, unscheduled 5th Sunday.

What to do?

I think I’ll take some time and reflect about the week. It was a big week.

The mornings brought seminary, school, visitors, and a trip to Tucson for some scriptures.

The afternoons involved more school, violin teaching, a bike ride with friends, grocery shopping, cleaning, playing with friends, a birthday party, and Piano Guild Auditions.

In the evenings, we had 4 baseball games, 2 practices, 3 ballet classes, one night working with the missionaries, Scout meetings, a Young Women activity, and one night out to dinner to celebrate the end of Piano Guild auditions. We had a youth temple trip all day on Saturday.

What do all of these activities have in common?

They produced a lot of laundry, my magnum opus.

I’ve learned that doing laundry provides a special key to knowledge about my family. As I empty pockets, I discover what is important to my little people. I see who played outside on the grass enough (I don’t hate grass stains. I encourage them.) and who needs to shower more often. I see evidence of baseball feats of skill, ballet workouts, weight training, bicycling (Love those mud stains up the back of the shirts…), and dirt play (which I also encourage). I can’t say that I love doing laundry, but I take pride in doing it and caring for our clothing.

We wear many clothes and play many roles, and it was a happy family reunion on Friday when our schedules eventually collided and we all met at the restaurant to celebrate a year of piano effort. The kids were dressed up in their Sunday best. Mark’s face was probably a bit sticky from birthday party food, I looked a bit bedraggled, and Richard was clad in his work outfit.

After a Saturday evening laundry marathon, the piles of laundry are neatly folded in their baskets and they smell fresh. It was a good week and now I get to enjoy this day of rest.

Thoughts on being sick

Last night I took a long walk around and around the baseball park during practice. I’m in training for a youth pioneer trek. Just call me “Ma Ross” and I’ll say, “Yes, dear? Do you need a band aid for that blister?”

On my long walk through the dust, I thought about my sister who is very ill. I wondered what I could say to help. My mind traveled back to those 3 summers in a row that I was in bed recovering from surgeries. I remembered the feelings of frustration, helplessness, and the temporary depression. I couldn’t mother; I couldn’t teach seminary anymore; I was miserable. I worried that I would never be happy again. I was lonely, but when someone would visit, we rarely talked on the deep level that I craved.

I remember each visitor and each bouquet of flowers and I was deeply touched these acts of kindness. I only felt angry about the “gratitude journal” I was given. I wasn’t ready to be grateful. I remember feeling heartbroken that I couldn’t take care of my kids. I remember the generosity of family and friends.

I learned to never tell someone, “I understand what you’re going through.” I learned to be forgiving when people said this because they meant well.

The biggest lesson I learned during these summers was that I could weather the bad stuff. Although the comfort from friends and family was cherished, the deep comfort came from within, through my choices to listen to the Spirit. I had to change the way I viewed my situation. No one else could do this for me. I had to be the one to make the choice to be thankful. No one could make me feel this. I had to accept physical limitations for a while. I admit that I did not do this very well.

During this time, I clung to Church magazines and had profound experiences reading the scriptures. The gospel was truly the only thing that could penetrate my troubled heart and mind. It was a revelatory time. I have journals to prove it. I wrote to pass the time. I wrote to record my testimony over and over. I wrote so I could remember.

For the next few weeks I’ll try to write something each day so my sister has something new to read or look at.

I love you, Susan.

I’ll choose these memories

Last week I had sad news from extended family and weird challenges sprang up around me. I felt heavy and sorrowful. On the other hand, I had good news, too, and there were opportunities for me to serve and feel needed and this made me happy.

Someday when I look back at this time in my life it will be a smudged, incoherent image because of all of the activity, but I will work to see that the good memories will rise up and be more prominent than the bad.

I will remember how Mark’s little drawings cheer me. I will remember the love I feel for the people around me, of the fun times with the Young Women playing black light volleyball and hearing them sing.

I’ll remember how I much I enjoy Richard’s dinners from the grill and chats with him during a baseball game. I’ll think of the way Timothy twirls his hair when he reads to me and how Daniel looks when he’s acting grown up and unselfish. I will remember the way the little ballerinas watch Paige sweep into the dance studio and how she smiles when Richard teases her.

I’ll remember the good people who serve my family in the community, sports, and church.

I will be grateful for a husband who lets me sleep in and remembers to kiss me goodbye every morning.

The difficult things will just serve as a counterpoint, essential in emphasizing the good and forming character, but they won’t take a prominent place on the mantel.

Now I’m going to get back to work.

I had $100

Richard received a bonus from work last month. He said that we should have fun with some of it. It was decided that each of us would take $100 and spend it any way we wanted and without guilt.

I bought a shop vacuum to power my hovercraft and (ahem) clean our house.

I also bought this desk and hutch at a second hand shop. It’s an Ethan Allen piece and the paneling will probably be painted a beautiful robin’s egg blue or papered with some delightful pattern. Most likely it will stay as it is until one of my sisters makes her way down to help me finish the project.

Ideas and objects, spirit and body

This may not resonate with anyone but me, but this is what I have observed: when I’m faced with a big idea or task, the tiny actions of the day can take on more meaning. Menial tasks somehow create a focus to help me face the bigger dilemma. My unhurried mind, taking a break during the task, more easily comes up with solutions.

I recently reread a book about feminine psychology as it is expressed in mythology. One of the lessons from the myth of Psyche was that sorting objects is one of the best strategies that women can employ when they are faced with a challenge.

Maybe there is a link between sorting objects and sorting ideas. One can’t find meaning for either if they are done independently. Our minds must work, but so must our bodies because we are dual beings, spirit and body.

I’m focusing on my homemaking tasks and grading papers. I am taking moments here and there to study and pray. It’s a good process for me and I count it as one of my greatest blessings that I have the freedom to do it. I am grateful to Richard for providing me with a lifestyle that allows for my creativity, education, personal advancement and fulfillment. My life includes long days of sorting socks, organizing closets, and building machines for my children to experience physics while I think about things.

I hope your sorting of ideas and objects helps you find meaning today.

The Diner

Last night we ate dinner in 5 shifts. Although I prepared a hearty white chicken chili and cornbread, this is what the family ate between trips to ballet and the ball park:

5:00:

Daniel: ham and cheese sandwich

5:30:

Angie: chili, cornbread, strawberries
Richard: warm fudge bars from a friend

6:15:

Tim: tortilla with cheese, milk
Mark: two cornbread muffins with honey butter, milk

7:30:

Paige: chili, cornbread, strawberries, brownie
Mark: brownie; bowl of Cheerios

9:30:

Richard: chili, cornbread, brownie
Daniel: strawberry yogurt, granola

We do a little better in the nutrition department when we eat together.

The lion, the witch, and the minivan compartment

Last night I drove six young women to the church cannery to fulfill a food bank assignment where we packaged beans. It was a 30 minute drive each way and this meant that the girls became well acquainted with my van.

I did ask my kids to clean up the van and I hastily stuffed some papers in the trash bag before the girls jumped in. However, it didn’t take long for the girls to begin discovering treasures.

“Sister Ross, why is there a toothbrush on the floor of your van?”

“Sister Ross, is that a 3-foot stick by the driver’s side?”

“Why do you have a food scale in your van?”

I was a little bit mortified, but then I turned it into a game. Which girl could discover the strangest thing in my van?

Would it be the 7 pairs of shoes? Would it be the Lightning McQueen socks? A half-eaten chicken nugget? I listened for more discoveries.

As we pulled into the cannery, I heard a voice in the back say,

“I think I found Narnia in this little compartment!”

And I proclaimed her the winner.

Integrity

Integrity is living the same way no matter what. It involves not just choices about honesty; it involves every choice that we make. Will I be a better person if I read this? Does this entertainment feed the better part of my nature? Do I react with patience to my family, just as I try to react with my other associates?

I don’t have time to read or watch rubbish. If I had to prepare separately for each of my roles, I would never have time. My literature and media choices fill my mind with the ideas that I will use in church lessons, school lessons, and nurturing relationships. I can’t live in the silly, shallow world and still expect to have the time to seek to be worthy of the Spirit.

In church responsibilities, if I’ve been wise in my literature choices and scripture study, these are resources which I can draw upon, adorning my lessons with greater insights than I can come up with on my own.

It’s a relief to realize that our responsibilities as a child of God, a family member, and church member dovetail in their required preparations. Our character, developed through acts of integrity, will be a consistent and dynamic factor in our success as we try to fill many roles.

A life of integrity streamlines and simplifies the to-do lists. I am learning that integrity is one of the solutions to the problem of being too busy.

Attending to the right things

I’ve been reading about unreasonable expectations. These are the kind of expectations which can carry a person to extremes in their ideology, drain a person of energy, and create an idea of futility.

I try to fight unreasonable expectations, but sometimes they creep in. There is too much to do each day, so I’ve been seeking help in prayer to focus on priorities. Sometimes I fail at this. This weekend was a “fulfilling external expectations weekend” and it seemed like the more that I did, the more that other fires would spring up for me to put out.

I felt my patience and endurance spiral into a nosedive of misspoken words and crash on my bedroom chair at 10:00 at night with the thought, “I’m not succeeding.”

I went to bed. Today I understand better what I let myself do. In my good intentions, my desire to be exact, I marched after the banner of a person instead of the quiet voice that whispers, “Take My yoke upon you.”

Someday when all my thoughts, actions, and intentions are sifted and sorted, it will only matter how often I acted on God’s expectations. I just need to stay focused on what He expects of me, and not take so much upon myself, even if the words of others apparently have some power over my heart.

I didn’t think that I was one of those people who sought the approval of others, but I think that I am, and this is the source of my problem.

Here’s a quote I read in a Conference talk that I found applied to my situation:

“There are so many ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’ that merely keeping track of them can be a challenge. Sometimes, well-meaning amplifications of divine principles–many coming from uninspired sources–complicate matters further, diluting the purity of divine truth with man-made addenda. One person’s good idea–something that may work for him or her–takes root and becomes an expectation. And gradually, eternal principles can get lost within the labyrinth of ‘good ideas’

“This was one of the Savior’s criticisms of the religious ‘experts’ of His day, whom He chastised for attending to the hundreds of minor details of the law while neglecting the weightier matters.

“So how how do we stay aligned with those weightier matters?

“…When asked to name the greatest commandment, He did not hesitate. ‘Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind,’ He said. ‘This is the first and great commandment.’ Coupled with the second great commandment–to love our neighbor as ourselves–we have a compass that provides direction for not only for our lives but also for the Lord’s Church on both sides of the veil.”

(By President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, of course, Ensign, November 2009)

How to make a Phone Call

If I could teach the world something today, it would be a lesson in manners.

Let’s begin now.

When you call someone (me) on the phone, please introduce yourself before jumping into your reason for calling. And if you introduce yourself and you aren’t a close associate and have only met me one time, you may want to remind me about that so I know to whom I am speaking. If you have several things to share with me, please ask if I have 5 to 10 minutes to talk.

If I have never met you, it’s a good idea to be especially polite because you only get one chance to… you know, make a first impression. For instance, you should avoid listing grievances right away, especially if I have made it clear that I was unaware of the situation over which you’ve gotten yourself into a fluff.

If I ask a question, please do not belittle the question or become defensive. Just answer the question in a polite voice. If you don’t know the answer, please say, “I don’t know, but let me get back with you about it.”

Please give me the benefit of the doubt and be kind. You don’t have to ask about my life, but don’t be so abrupt that I wonder if you’re angry that I asked you a question.

Remember, it is an act of trust to ask a question. If you belittle me with your tone (not just your words), you break a trust.

You don’t have to be abrupt to be effective. You don’t have to be brisk to show that you are in charge. I find that leadership requires quite a bit of flexibility and love. Don’t forget that the person you are calling is just as amazing as you, and if you took the time to appreciate that, your life would be enhanced by the association.

Remember that no one is right all of the time, even you, and it’s okay to be human. Don’t hide behind a barking, abrupt mode of speech. If you think that being abrupt is just the way you are, you will need to hide it with your tone of voice and count to ten more often.

Being polite is not about you. It’s about making the other person feel comfortable. And You can do it!

Best wishes,

Miss Angela Manners