Hope – Page 6 – Letters from Home

Grandma

Will she really be lost to us when she dies? I’m not talking about life after death, but my relationship with her. All my life, if I was lucky, I saw her once a year. Her influence wasn’t so weak as to only be there when we were together. It lived in memory, in letters I still keep, and in her uncanny ability to know when I needed something. Our understanding of one another grew as she revealed her generous nature. She pampered me in childhood, encouraged me as a teen, and mentored me as a young woman.

Wisdom in books and recipes and exchanged notes carried us through the turning point when I could be a help to her. She trusted me to write her story, to help her during an illness, and I sat with her as we drove away from her home for the last time.

Now she withdraws from us, settling into the idea of rest. My hope is that in death she’ll be restored to us more than she is now when I visit her, shrunken and white on her bed. I rouse her sometimes to say goodbye, but lately, I feel strength to let her rest, trusting that the quality of our relationship doesn’t depend upon a goodbye.

Doll work 4

I’m trying a different outfit and have more progress on the face to show today.

The book that I used to learn how to make dolls is called Storybook Toys by Jill Hamor and it is gorgeous and thorough. The embroidery stitches that I use for the face are very basic, the backstitch and satin stitch, and sometimes a French knot for a shine on the eyes. I will use several shades of blue and gray and flecks of gold for the eyes. Right now I have the base shade of one eye finished. Every thread is anchored on the back of the head with tack stitches as I showed you before.

My week will be spent at home, stitching a doll, reading a book about a Supreme Court case, editing more stories for my dad, and cleaning out a bedroom. I will post more progress on the doll when I can. I am still reading more than anything else… good job, me. I wish you the very best week. Let’s hope that you can do something that feeds your soul between the mundane and stressful things.

Doll work 3

This week, it’s been a battle for me to work or move or get going. I haven’t neglected anything important, but every task feels like a chore, and that is a word I do not use. This doll project that I proclaimed would be so great has mostly felt like a burden. Even shopping for doll clothes just made me tired. I think it is common enough to need to slow down in winter. Maybe I should listen to my body and put less on the to do list for a few weeks. I just want to read, and for some reason, I have termed reading an indulgence. Sometimes I don’t realize what an enemy I am to myself by not listening to my needs and pushing through projects that aren’t essential.

Another hard truth is that I am blogging about a doll because it feels safer than writing about the things I am really thinking about. And yet, the thing I decided to embroider first was the smile. That was genuine and reflects how I feel, just as much as admitting to you that I feel sluggish. We can be going through some sad things and still feel joy.

I am trying to learn that it is okay to be a complex person, with deep, marathon thoughts and a spectrum of feeling. I find that reading makes me feel less tired, old, and foreign, but it is often last on my list! 🤦 I doubt I am the only one who regularly denies herself of something good to match an ideal that only exists in the mind. The trick is identifying what feeds your soul and having the courage to make it a priority. I’m so curious what that “something” is for different people, knowing that it likely changes now and then for each of us.

Doll work 2

To embroider a face on a premade doll, I use a doll needle, which is about 5″ long. Thread it with a single long strand of embroidery floss. Working on the back or side of the head, insert the needle and pull it out a few inches from the original entry point, leaving a tail of thread sticking out. Create a small stitch to anchor the thread on the back of the head and repeat the tiny stitch. Next, insert the needle through the existing stitch, through the head, and out of the face, exactly where you want to begin stitching. I am beginning with red thread for the lips. Last, cut off the tail on the back of the head, and remove the doll needle and replace it with an embroidery needle.

For the lips, I will be doing a satin stitch, which is a series of semi-vertical stitches very close together. Since I am working with a single thread, I make a lot of stitches to give the exact effect I want.

This process of making an anchor stitch on the back of the head is repeated in reverse when I am finished with the thread. I rethread the doll needle on the face side and insert it back through the head and make more anchor stitches on the back of the head. Then I insert the needle through the anchor stitch and exit a few inches away and cut off the tail of thread at the surface.

The natural light in the house is fleeting these days! I used the 15 minutes of light we got today to take these photos. I hope to have the face finished by Friday. Hopefully, the sun will come out a little more tomorrow so I can show some progress.

I spent time this week picking out her clothing and narrowing down eye and lip color. I already know she will have orange hair. ♥️

Doll work 1

I am starting another doll. The body is premade and can be found at Hobby Lobby. These are the first steps. I use thin interfacing to trace a face from a book. This same piece of interfacing has been used for many dolls. Next, I pin the interfacing to the face and poke holes with my mark-b-gone (water soluble) pen along the lines to make a dot pattern on the doll’s face. Next, I remove the interfacing, connect the dots, and draw pupils and ears. Now I am read to embroider. Don’t worry about the pen marks. They will disappear in a later step.

The words you speak become the house you live in. -Hafiz

This borrowed wisdom is what I have for today. ♥️

A Child’s Prayer

When I am weary and have no words of my own, I pray by singing in my mind. This is the song that eventually helped me go to sleep last night, soothing my mind, awake to many things. Dickins was so right about the best of times and the worst of times inhabiting the same sphere. I had a wonderful day with family, and feel God’s blessings, but feel abhorrence for current events.

Advent Day 24

And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning hope. How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope? And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold, I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise.
Moroni 7:40-41

Advent Day 23

The Lord also shall roar out of Zion, and utter his voice from Jerusalem; and the heavens and the earth shall shake: but the Lord will be the hope of his people, and the strength of the children of Israel.
Joel 3:16

I think this is the best new Christmas arrangement and performance this year:

Born is the King of Israel!

Advent Day 22

If ye continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel, which ye have heard, and which was preached to every creature which is under heaven; whereof I Paul am made a minister.
Colossians 1:23