Extended family – Page 32 – Letters from Home

Sorry, Sue

Sorry, Sue. I fell asleep on the job and didn’t post something for you yesterday. I hope you’re feeling better. We received your fun-filled letter yesterday.

Last night I took a long walk around and around the baseball park during practice. I’m in training for a youth pioneer trek. Just call me “Ma Ross” and I’ll say, “Yes, dear? Do you need a band aid for that blister?”

On my long walk through the dust, I thought about my sister who is very ill. I wondered what I could say to help. My mind traveled back to those 3 summers in a row that I was in bed recovering from surgeries. I remembered the feelings of frustration, helplessness, and the temporary depression. I couldn’t mother; I couldn’t teach seminary anymore; I was miserable. I worried that I would never be happy again. I was lonely, but when someone would visit, we rarely talked on the deep level that I craved.

I remember each visitor and each bouquet of flowers and I was deeply touched these acts of kindness. I only felt angry about the “gratitude journal” I was given. I wasn’t ready to be grateful. I remember feeling heartbroken that I couldn’t take care of my kids. I remember the generosity of family and friends.

I learned to never tell someone, “I understand what you’re going through.” I learned to be forgiving when people said this because they meant well.

The biggest lesson I learned during these summers was that I could weather the bad stuff. Although the comfort from friends and family was cherished, the deep comfort came from within, through my choices to listen to the Spirit. I had to change the way I viewed my situation. No one else could do this for me. I had to be the one to make the choice to be thankful. No one could make me feel this. I had to accept physical limitations for a while. I admit that I did not do this very well.

During this time, I clung to Church magazines and had profound experiences reading the scriptures. The gospel was truly the only thing that could penetrate my troubled heart and mind. It was a revelatory time. I have journals to prove it. I wrote to pass the time. I wrote to record my testimony over and over. I wrote so I could remember.

For the next few weeks I’ll try to write something each day so my sister has something new to read or look at.

I love you, Susan.

10 Years Ago Today

I took Paige and Daniel to Georgetown, Texas for lunch and ice cream at the Courthouse Cafe. It was Grandma Carol’s birthday and we were celebrating, despite the fact that the birthday girl was several states away.

Yesterday Richard and I sat in church and looked up at these two kids sitting on the stand. Paige was giving a talk and Daniel was the Bishop’s messenger for the day. They’re growing up and they still have that happy light in their countenances.

Happy Birthday, Grandma Carol!

List your teacher’s name here

Last week one of my boys had a worksheet in his math book which asked him to write his teacher’s last name. As I was correcting the paper, I discovered that he listed my last name as Sanchez.

I was really surprised, but enjoyed the little thought journey that it inspired. I will always be a Sanchez with the Sanchez quirks and characteristics. Here are just a few:

I eat mayonnaise whenever possible. Apparently not every family does this. I am just learning this and I feel a little sorry for them.
I will only call you if I’m on my way to surgery or I have just given birth. Even then, it will probably be Richard who will call because I won’t be feeling up to talking.
When I do call you, though, it will probably be a long conversation, like the kind you have with someone you haven’t seen for years, which is about right, considering it could be years between phone calls.
I see no problem in spending a lot of money on fireworks. I am learning that not every family sees this as a perfectly reasonable expense.
I feel all warm and fuzzy when I drive by a Denny’s.
James Herriot, Errol Flynn, and Jimmy Stewart are some of my heroes.
I have a massive DVD collection.
Holidays involve clam dip, but my version is actually lower on mayonnaise than other family members’ versions. Go figure.
I cry my eyes out when I hear Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing.
Toro lawn mowers rule!
I can talk all night long.
Dad and me

Mother Daughter Family History Night

This is what our house looked like last night. I invited the young women and their mothers to come for dinner and an evening of family history research and assistance. We’re getting ready to go to the temple next month and we are trying to prepare some of our ancestors’ names for temple ordinances.

The sister on the right was very helpful and so generous to give up an evening with her family to help us. The young woman is showing an ordinance sheet which she prepared during the evening. The names on the paper are ready for temple work.

As for our family’s work, we found the names we were looking for on census records from 1920 and 1930. Along with an obituary, we have information to lead us to many more of Cerie’s family members. We were so excited that we had Daniel join us and help us to enter some names.

I am learning how much the youth love family history and temple work.

Valentine Reminder

Valentine from Paige, age 7

Are you thinking about Valentine’s Day? Do you send cards to the people you love? I love receiving notes. I save everything. I’ll even print out a good email and tuck it in an envelope with the sender’s name. Someday you can come and visit and we can go through my letters and see all the notes I have kept from you. We’ll laugh and cry and remember good times.

Valentine’s Day can feel daunting, and you may be tempted to just call it an over-commercialized holiday, giving yourself an excuse to skip the sentiment. If you do, you’ll miss out on a great opportunity.

Here are some pointers and words of encouragement for the Valentine’s Day Challenged:

1. Some of the best valentines are unexpected. This was a valentine I received from an older girl in my high school. There was a carnation attached and she was wishing me luck on an orchestra performance. I thought this girl didn’t like me, but evidently she thought enough of me to send me a carnation *at school* for Valentine’s Day. Do you know someone who could use a pick-me-up?

2. Valentines do not need to be in card form. Here is a note my grandpa wrote to me. Always concerned about money (he was a banker), this was his form of love made visible. Notice he signed it “Love, John.” This was one of the last notes from my grandpa.

3. Remember the little people in your life. Children love to make valentines, but I think they love to receive them just as much. This was from my second grade teacher. A little boy in my class saw my note from the teacher and the next week wrote one to me, misspelling the sentiment like this, “To my Sweat Pie from Sam.” Boy, do I wish I could find his note.

4. Hallmark is a great resource. Don’t be afraid of a store-bought card. I’ve kept this one for over 30 years. I loved it.

5. Chocolate is not the only treat you can give. This was not a valentine, but it ranks up there with one of the all-time most thoughtful gifts ever given to me. It was from Kyle, who was my “brother” on Pioneer Trek. This box of pop tarts was waiting at the door when I got home, tired and hungry. I guess I had mentioned that I loved pop tarts. He remembered. And yes, I am insane for keeping a pop tarts box label for 20 years.

6. Remember your old friends and avoid Facebook and email if possible. This letter is from Julie, a friend since elementary school. It is written with an old typewriter (in 2009!) to be more personal. I cherish this non-electronic approach to remembering a friend.

7. Valentines from sweethearts should never be shared online. So, you won’t see love notes from Richard here. Sometimes a valentine for a sweetheart is the most difficult to find. Just remember what you love about that person and I’ll bet you think of some way to tell them.

Happy Valentine’s Day preparations!

Thoughts about Girls’ Weekend

Susan’s photos

I was a daughter and sister before I was a wife and mother, but most of the time I forget that.

I don’t think about leaving my family for a weekend away because I am a home body and I like to kiss my kids good night. I have left my family several times, but coaxing, extreme need, or a religion symposium were the necessary ingredients to pull me away. This time, it took the computer blowing up to finalize the decision.

On this girls’ weekend, I renewed my zeal for family history. As we worshiped, laughed, shopped, and sewed, I could distill the sisters from the accoutrements of children, husbands, and activity; distill the friends from the mother, relatives, and siblings.

In the book, Angle of Repose, Wallace Stegner talks about the Doppler Effect as it relates to memory and perception of life events. There is distortion over time, just as there is a distortion in sound with distance.

During our visit I heard stories of the past in new ways. My relative position to those memories has altered, and my understanding of motives and history makes these memories and their lessons different. Perception and value change with time, experience, and need. My mom said that hearing more about her family’s side events has altered her perception of things that happened long ago.

I am counting on that ultimate wisdom, because things aren’t perfect in these photos. I think of the sister-in-law who might have been with us, making our number 7, not 6. I don’t want to understand everything now, because the pain is too deep, but someday, when time eases up on the frequency of those feelings, maybe I’ll find my own angle of repose about it all.

I came away thankful for having gone. Susan’s pictures clarified what I felt was most important for me to learn on the trip, and that is to do my duty as a daughter of God first.

See the metaphorical baggage we dropped to the side to be in the temple together?

The great rescue from my quilt quagmire; a hair transplant, and basic relaxation strategies

On the morning after a late night Cranford marathon, one of us has eyes so puffy they won’t open.

There and Back Again

We went away for the weekend. It was a Hobbit-like journey in its surprises and sudden departure. We came back more wise, weathered, and with treasures, too. I spent time in St George, Utah with the women in my family doing temple work, shopping, sewing, watching episodes of Cranford, eating salads, and enjoying Haagen Dazs. Richard and the kids set off on adventures at Zion National Park.

After Richard and the kids returned, the kids, wide-eyed told me that Mark had been separated from the group for a while and was lost. He had a walkie-talkie and listened to instructions to yell so he could be found.

Mark said, “Mom, I was lost on Mount Zion.”

I asked,”And what did you learn from your experience?”

“Stay with the Pack!” he exclaimed.

Richard, never letting Mark out of his hands again.

On our return, we merged into our usual activities without much ado. The only hiccup was having to stay up until midnight so we could register Paige for EFY (Especially For Youth camp at BYU) at the first opportunity. Paige has given up on BYU Ballet Intensives. We have not been very happy with them for the past two years.

Let me explain EFY registration to you: Think early. You’ve got to get on the preregistration list in the fall. They will tell you the earliest time you can register, and it’s always some date in January at midnight. (We didn’t think early enough.) Think often. If you don’t get the location and dates you want, check the website often for cancellations. We didn’t get the date we wanted, but the next morning before seminary we checked the website and seized a new single opening on a better date. Hooray!

It seems that all we do lately is add activities to the calendar. We’re currently booked through August.

Christmas memories

I think we will remember this Christmas for all the company we kept. In the week leading up to Christmas, we stretched ourselves and visited folks, went caroling (I played the fiddle); we threw two birthday parties, and were lucky to see Sarah and Bryan. We finished a puzzle during their visit.

Here we are at Christmas dinner, the kids at the bar and the adults at the table. We had the missionaries join us.

The missionaries were good to play with our boys.

A few snapshots of an unforgettable evening

Surrounded by friends, we watched Paige’s dance studio perform The Nutcracker this weekend. I decided that it’s better to watch her when I’m not looking through a camera, so I don’t have many photos, and I have no photos of three of her numbers. I lived the experience instead of trying to preserve it and share it, because ballet is very emotional and best enjoyed live.