Today is the private burial service for my friend and neighbor Judy. Grief turns on the whole spectrum of emotions: anger, sadness, disappointment, and even happiness. I feel anger because I couldn’t say goodbye and because of some other things. The sadness comes when I look out my kitchen window and see her house. It’s been months since I could check on her from my window to see that she was eating a little dinner, and I still miss that. Her house is full of strange new shadows and happenings. I am disappointed not to be playing violin at her funeral, Brightly Beams Our Father’s Mercy, like she asked, or preparing a salad for a family luncheon. The happiness is in knowing she is at peace, and I know she is back to work, smiling, teaching, and living.
The Sanchez sisters and my mom are making an isolation quilt from our homes, each contributing hexagon flowers to put together for someone we love. We adopted this hexie obsession a few years ago, and the secret to a good hexagon quilt is the collaboration. Everyone’s style is needed, so we swap fabric scraps at the cabin each summer. The mixing of styles and personalities is my favorite part of this process.
Our cute neighbors, the Zeigler family organized some entertainment for our culdesac last week: fire dancers! I watched from indoors, and could see my neighbors, gathered as families in their yards to enjoy the Isolation Burn Angels perform. It was so weird and fun.
Good job if you made it to the end of this post. Most pictures are by our niece Rachel (Rachel Angela Photography). Most of my memories, thoughts, and feelings are recorded in my journal, where they will stay. If you were there, I hope you found your face in a photo or two. We are very grateful to all who came and all who showed their support in any way. It really was the very best day.
25 years ago, my sisters and I went to the film, Little Women, just before I was engaged. We decided to go to the newest version together this week. Now the group included sisters-in-law and daughters we could not dream we would have all that time ago. Our group became divided by a storm, and half of the women stopped at a different theater to watch the movie rather than risk the icy roads. That night, we had an epic text exchange among all of us, discussing the movie, the acting, the actors, the screenplay, and which characters we see in ourselves. The movie brought us together, and that felt sweet. In twenty-five more years what will our family be like? What will we have accomplished by then?
I don’t have Jo’s temperament, but her writing caused a lot of introspection for me. The ache to write is real. I feel it when I see someone’s published work, when I drive by myself, when I look at my collection of books on writing, and when I allow myself to make a wish. So, this year I will write something every day, whether it’s a blog post or private journal entry, a small story, or a memory. This year I will be a writer.
Paige and Michael were married on December 27 in the Salt Lake Temple. Photo by Rachel Angela Photography
Richard and I came away from Paige’s wedding day without a single picture, which tells you what a great time we had. We will post more another day. These are snapshots from family and friends who have taken the time to share with us. Thank you!
Leading up to the wedding, we had a big week, including Timothy’s 17th birthday and Christmas, and a hundred other interactions and lots of music. We saw Star Wars and decorated candy houses, turned in two Eagle Scout applications, and finalized special gifts. I am very happy.
Timothy’s birthday included two trips to Star Wars and gingerbread houses.My favorite photo from the Sanchez family Christmas pageantChristmas Day conversation
“And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness.”
2 Nephi 5:27
A few years ago, I documented all the family challenges found in the Book of Mormon. Children rebel, parents are imperfect, grandchildren leave the faith, people need to fix their marriage relationships, fathers are killed, and courageous parents write their family challenges for our benefit. Lehi’s family gets the closest study, and the division and violence are heartbreaking.
Elder Holland taught,
The first 30 years of Book of Mormon history do not present a pleasant story. After the abrupt necessity of abandoning their entire earthly fortune, leaving Jerusalem hastily on the eve of international conflict, crossing the Arabian peninsula in the most adverse of circumstances, building a boat without any prior experience in doing so, crossing an ocean with would-be fatal conflicts breaking out repeatedly and landing in a primitive, unknown new land with all the hardship such a settlement would entail, the hostility within the family of Lehi and Sariah became so intense that the two halves of their family split asunder, with one group fleeing yet farther into the wilderness, fearing for their lives lest they fall victim to the bloodthirsty quest of the other. As they plunged into unsettled terrain to seek safety and fashion a life for themselves as best they could, the prophet-leader of this Nephite half of the family says they now tried to live “after the manner of happiness.”
In light of what they had just been through for thirty years and with what we know yet lay in store for them in the trials almost constantly ahead, such a comment seems almost painful. How could any of this be described as anything remotely like “happiness”? Ah, my friends, there is the rub. Nephi does not say they were happy, though it is evident they actually were. What he says is, they “lived after the manner of happiness.”
In other words, there is a pattern for happy living that we can choose to follow, even when circumstances are rough.
For me, “living after the manner of happiness” includes nurturing family relationships. My dream is that no one will ever again recount how bossy I was when I was younger and see that I am a lot more gentle than I used to be. In another relationship, I would be happier if my ideas weren’t mocked. I’m sure my family members have similar wishes: to be known, to shed old labels that no longer apply, to be accepted, to be cherished. A family counselor taught that we will be happier if we assume “benevolent intent” in our loved ones. I will do it for you. Will you do it for me?
Perhaps if was convenient to hate Nephi when he was young, as he was direct about what he saw his brothers doing wrong. The blame lies mostly with his brothers for the contention, but I see Nephi change his tone over the years. By the end of his life, Nephi stopped naming specific faults and called out to his family in love in his writing. To his beloved brethren who rejected him, he carefully explained the doctrine of Christ, which is simply that we need not stay as we were. Christ can help us change. Nephi teaches me that joy comes in the subtle shift over time from judgment to charity, especially in our families.
Dresses and lots of wedding detailsA salamander in our sprinkler boxLive music by our friend Jesse; desserts, good food, and celebration.Up to the challengeOne handedDalton’s is for special occasions.The things you find when you help someone move
Not pictured:
My look of relief when I realized that “making” kids love the Pauline Epistles is not essential to being a good parent.
The happy bride in her dress.
Mark’s concerto performance.
The best apple crisp I have ever made.
The trophy Timothy earned by learning three concertos over three years.
The view of the Salt Lake valley from my car as I explored above the University of Utah while the boys had a class. The trees, dressed in their fall colors, and the sky changing to gray with an approaching winter storm offered the view I needed.
The cake our family made together that tasted so terrible we had to throw it away.
The letter from Daniel’s mission president assuring us all missionaries are safe in their apartments as there are riots going on.
