Each Thursday evening, Mark and his friend Jack serve as counselors for the special needs activity program (SNAP). This is a church calling, issued by the stake, and lasts one school year. Mark is assigned to a buddy for the duration of the calling and he stays by his side for each weekly activity. Recently, they put on their biggest event of the year, the Roadshow. I am not kidding, I cried for joy several times during the play.
I read about a group of blind patients who received an experimental surgical procedure to have their sight restored. The results were the gift of vision, which you would think would be positive. Yet, the longer a patient had been blind, the less likely they were to be initially happy with the sudden ability to see. Distances, physical features, complexity of patterns, and relative heights were not anything like they imagined before they could see. One patient kept their eyes closed for days, as everything seemed like too much to process. Another was driven to insanity. One begged to have a reversal of the operation so they could experience things the old way once again. Children were much more open to a change in vision and lifestyle. They weren’t as burdened with habits and perceptions that stood in the way of a new life.
This story made me understand that it is a gift not to know all things just yet.
To me, the concept of faith is a gift. We are here to act according to our best and purest beliefs, without absolute knowledge. We get to live freely and fully, and as unencumbered as faith in Jesus Christ can make us.
Another gift is that we arrive gradually at stunning truths and principles that will require a lot from us. We have time to figure things out, and have the luxury to fail and try again. We build our capacity for knowledge as we do simple things day after day, week after week, year after year. Sometimes faith requires us to make a “leap,” but more often, it requires small, routine steps. When my personal faith feels shaky, it is usually because the little faithful acts aren’t being done, or they are being done without humility.
So, what is my reaction when smacked by something from church that doesn’t match my ideas of just or right or true? Can I curb the impulse to form fists, dig in heels, and let indignation grow? Can I summon the faith of a child during times when I need to show humility, not defiance?
I want my journey of faith to be like throwing off the blindfold and walking towards the blinding light of difficulty, and facing the challenges to my own way of thinking. I don’t want to shrink, abandoning the Way for my own path. In forty years of Church membership, I have navigated lots of things that prove that “[Our] thoughts are not [God’s] thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8)
I chose the path of God’s mercy and grace when I was baptized, and it has been a blessing to live in a covenant relationship with Him. I want to be one who keeps looking at something until I can comprehend it. I know that I “see through a glass darkly,” but I “shall know, as also I am known.” (1 Corinthians 13:12)
Faith leads to knowledge. Knowledge of what? All things. God himself.
67 And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things.
68 Therefore, sanctify yourselves that your minds become single to God, and the days will come that you shall see him; for he will unveil his face unto you, and it shall be in his own time, and in his own way, and according to his own will.
Doctrine and Covenants 88:67-68
For my Christmas gift, Richard secured a ticket to an Itzhak Perlman concert that was supposed to be tonight. There weren’t two seats available, just one, so he bought the ticket for me. He also insisted on driving me to and from the concert, despite not being able to attend. I filled my pockets with tissues so I could cry as I heard Mr. Perlman play the violin.
But I didn’t meet my violin hero tonight; I met a religious hero instead.
There were a few of us who didn’t get the memo that the concert had been rescheduled, and we congregated at the doors of the music hall in our fine clothes, each showing disbelief in our own way. One of the people was Jean Bingham, former Relief Society General President. Her presence is beautiful and so bright. My interaction with her made me feel that the night wasn’t a loss.
This is my favorite image of Sister Bingham during her presidency. It shows her cheering for missionaries who came home during the early days of 2020. She was a light to me during this confusing time, and I took this screenshot to remember the impact she made on my heart and mind. In many instances, she showed she was a worthy hero during the pandemic.
So wrapped up in my thoughts, I misread the clock yesterday and made dinner very early. With my extra evening hours, I redecorated the shelves to embrace February, ready or not.
It is ward conference season and I am thinking a lot about my stake speaking assignments and ministering to very different needs among the wards. I am thinking about Paige and Michael’s move, and I am on the hunt for all the places I can display Paige’s art. Thinking is work. Writing talks and lesson plans is work. Planning is work, and so is settling into a new reality. When I accomplish something tangible, like cleaning out a closet or desk, I call it a nice break from the more arduous and intangible work going on within. Thinking is work.
This is a continuation of my notes of really heartfelt messages from children’s sacrament meeting presentations that I have attended this fall.
Reflecting on what she learned from reading Daniel in the Old Testament, “I know that Heavenly Father will help us when we face troubles of our own. He gives strength through hard things. He will keep us safe. I am thankful for the example Daniel is to us. (girl, age 10)
After telling the story of Jonah being swallowed by the whale, this boy said, “That’s why I like the story of Jonah though; he teaches us how hard it can be when we have to own up to our mistakes and face the consequences. But he also teaches us that through repentance we can be forgiven.” (boy, age 10)
“My favorite name of the Savior is a Shadow by Day and a Pillar by Night because the Savior is there to keep us protected and lead us with his light. (boy, age 9)
My favorite name of the Savior is Light because Jesus is the biggest light in my life! He is a light for me when I am scared. When you’re in the dark you get scared, but when you are in the light you are going to be fine! (girl, age 9)
Spoken with clarity and confidence, this tiny boy had these words memorized, “Jesus Christ came to earth to live as a mortal man. He suffered and died for us. His suffering is called the Atonement. Jesus was resurrected and came to life again. Because of what Jesus did for us, we can live forever with Heavenly Father.” (boy, age 6)
This boy showed his maturity in gospel knowledge by saying, “We believe that Heavenly Father will continue to teach us and reveal many important things through our prophet. I can also receive personal revelation and learn much about Heavenly Father’s plan for me. I am thankful for President Nelson who receives revelation for our Church. And I am thankful for the restoration of the Gospel.” (boy, around age 9)
“I think the gathering of Israel and the Second Coming [are] important because I want to see Jesus again. I think He will visit all the neighborhoods and will knock on everybody’s door and say “Hi” to them. Because I believe in Jesus, I want to do what He would do. He would help those in need. I wanted to help those in need, so I worked to raise money to help people in need at the Road House.” (boy, age 10)
“The Eleventh article of Faith is talking about religious freedom…I am thankful I could choose to be baptized. I know not everyone in the world has the chance to worship any way they want. It is a blessing to have the freedom to believe and act according to my beliefs.” (boy, age 10)
A tiny little girl recited this from memory, “We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; Indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul–We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things (with her arms extended and moving in a circular motion, as if to show “many things”), and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” (girl, just barely age 5)
“Whenever I am having a bad day, I can always sing one of the Primary songs to feel better. My faith has grown by understanding each of the Thirteen Articles of Faith and how they make me become closer to Jesus Christ.” (boy, age 11)
At church, it is children’s sacrament meeting presentation season. Basically, this means that one Sunday a year, our sacrament meeting talks and music are supplied by children. Last Sunday, I attended two meetings where children sang and gave talks to the adults in their congregations.
Here are some quotes that I felt were especially precious and from the heart. (This post will be updated as I gather more during my visits during the next month.)
“Daniel [from the Old Testament] teaches me to surround myself with friends who are brave and obedient.” -boy, about age 7
Speaking of Joseph who was sold into Egypt, “As you have faith and turn to God, you and others [around you] will be blessed.” -girl, age 11
From a girl whose parents divorced recently, “All bad things can become a victory through the Lord.” -girl, age 10
After quoting John 3:16, a girl said, “There have been some times in my life when I have worried about not being enough like Christ, and making too many mistakes, but then I remember that mistakes are how we learn, and how we improve in our lives.” -girl, age 11
With tears, a girl expressed, “When my great-grandma passed away this summer I was having a hard time. Every day before I went to bed I prayed I wouldn’t be sad. Every day I did that, I felt a little better.” -girl, around age 9
“When I show my gratitude in prayer my heart is filled with more gratitude and I feel those blessings more.” -boy, age 10 or 11.
Richard arranged for our family to enjoy one last camping trip this year. He reserved a large campsite in Midway with beautiful views of the changing leaves on the mountains and Heber Valley. It was chilly, but we enjoyed generous food portions, a break from phone service, plenty of hot cocoa, and singing around the fire with a guitar. Life felt pretty good. Happy 23rd Birthday to Daniel! And happy Conference weekend.
On Sundays, I visit various Primaries, and sometimes I am really aware of my outsider status. I move in a different orbit than my family and most friends. I came home last Sunday depleted and full of insecurities about the way I had interacted with people that day. My reaction to the day was mainly because I was tired and hungry, and I am just fine after some rest and a serendipitous find.
Today, as I removed some old books from a bookcase, I uncovered two albums of notes that were written to me from friends at church. I hadn’t looked at them in years. I read page after page of thank you’s, encouragements, and kind observations, and this restored some of what I have lacked lately: a steady dose of my ward friends. These notes are part of a harvest I have enjoyed from my past church callings.
The harvest from my church service, past and present, continues. I have wonderful friends, my children have learned how to serve, and I can fall back on so many life lessons from my experiences. I also see that our sacrifices have yielded blessings that I can’t name, as they are personal, steady, and continue to catch me by surprise. God is very generous.
There were so many surprises awaiting me when I was called to be a stake Primary president. Actually, everything was a surprise. I didn’t know anything a stake Primary president was supposed to do. (Someone told me that my job was to show up and look pretty… Um, no, but I do find myself smiling a lot.)
I didn’t know how much I would be working with bishops and their counselors.
I didn’t know that high councilors would become my friends.
I didn’t know that in addition to my presidency, I would grow close to the stake Relief Society and stake Young Women presidents. (Pictured above.)
I didn’t know that the stake presidency would take so much time to listen to the concerns and ideas of sister leaders.
I didn’t know how often I would be called upon to speak to different congregations, sometimes with very short notice.
I didn’t realize how much I would admire the ward Primary presidents and see their strengths so clearly. I didn’t know that I would be praying for so many children and parents.
On Sunday, the stake Relief Society presidency was released and a new set of sisters was called. I will miss sitting with Molly in stake council meetings and on the stand during stake conferences. She served in her calling while I was a ward Relief Society president, so she has been a kind of mentor to me for 7 years.
I never pictured myself in this leadership role. I don’t see myself as a Primary leader type, but the more I let go of my ideas, my limiting thoughts, and my personal script, the more I grow.
Mark’s junior year will bring less time at the high school, more time at home doing online classes, a new piano teacher, and longer hours at the piano. He has a calling to serve the special needs youth in the area as a counselor/companion/ “buddy” to someone during weekly church activities. It is a very different formula than we could have predicted for his school year, but we will trust the Lord.
Mark’s screen print T-shirt collection from his travels is refreshed, his maroon shoes match his school colors, and he remembered to get a photo before he left for school.
Richard gave Mark a priesthood blessing last night and I “covered him in prayer” this morning. Let’s go!