His grace is sufficient.

Post-edit note: Thank you for your prayers and kind words. I was calmer than I have ever been while playing in public, and that was a miracle in my life. The arrangement and my accompanist were amazing and I feel good about the song. I want to clarify that I love my “student violin” because it has done its job: I have learned to play the violin and I have had many wonderful experiences with music with it under my chin! The negative things that someone told me about my violin were not solicited. I have never asked someone to find fault with my instrument. Violin people can be snobby. I don’t want to sound snobby! I didn’t intend my words about the violin to be seen as a complaint, but to emphasize that we are all imperfect “instruments” that God chooses to use for His purposes and our benefit. Isn’t it great to look back on a difficult task and see the hand of God strengthening you though it? He loves us.

I love public speaking. I love presenting lessons. But I don’t get to do that very often. I feel like Alma in The Book of Mormon when he said, “O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people.”

Later he acknowledges that he “sin[s] in his wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted to me.” (Alma 29:1, 3)

Some of my zeal for speaking and teaching comes from pride in one of my talents. Some of it comes from the power of testimony. However, I am learning for myself what Moses and others have learned: God doesn’t always ask us to use our best talents. Sometimes (most often?) we are asked to act in one of our weak areas.

Instead of teaching, I am asked to share my testimony with a student violin and with a smaller talent that I struggle to find time to nurture. Instead of the favored path of hours of study and writing, I am asked to practice the violin, which is monotonous and lacks vistas of great thinking from favorite authors. (I should probably spend more time marveling at the work of the great composers I am practicing.) It also reminds me constantly of where I need to improve.

I have struggled with insecurity in my abilities. It wasn’t always this way. I just got out of practice. So, I resolved last year to practice the violin more often. I don’t enjoy practicing, but my confidence in playing in public is increasing, and my skills are better. I have also learned to ask people to pray for me.

My instrument is still old and needs new strings, a new bridge, and some repair. I’ve been told that no matter what I do, I won’t be able to play any louder on this instrument. So be it. I have learned that although imperfect, my violin playing is an acceptable sacrifice and God’s grace is sufficient to overcome my fears. (Ether 12:27)

Perhaps the greatest gift in being asked to play the violin in public is that it forces me to come out of myself and my securities, and the raw faith of that act may have greater effect on the hearts of others than my words would ever have. I’m not so selfish to think that it’s all about me. I really hope to bless others.

I’m playing a challenging piece tomorrow in church. Here is a recording of Jenny Oaks Baker playing it. I would appreciate your prayers.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSXM6LS4km4

A glimpse of Youth Conference

I took hundreds of photos at Youth Conference but very few have Paige in them and I didn’t take any selfies. I am hoping to collect more photos from other people so we can prove that the Ross Women were also there! Daniel had a great time. Each time I saw him, he was hanging out with someone different. I like to see that.

1-DSC_1507 — Rockin’ R Ranch lodge is in the background. We are at line dance lessons here.

1-DSC_1594 — A view of some of the horses

1-DSC_1598 — The Lodge where we ate and where the girls slept. The boys were in the bunk house across the way.

1-DSC_1673 — Daniel won 3rd place in the barrel races at the rodeo.

1-DSC_1833 — The donkey relay was hilarious.

1-DSC_1932-001 — Maple Leaf Rag on a twangy piano was just the thing to play in the Lodge.

Mark goes to Cub Camp

It’s a rite of passage to go to Cub Camp. Age 8 seems younger and younger with each child, though. I got to attend one day of camp with Mark and it was a delight to watch him during the skits and songs and see what he chose to purchase from the shop. Many boys bought $5 Indiana Jones whips. Thankfully, Mark only had $3 with him, so it wasn’t a temptation. Mark’s favorite activity of the day was the obstacle course. I took video of him climbing, swinging on a rope, doing somersaults, jumping, and running through tires. I could watch that for a long time.

Daniel’s High Adventure Trip

Daniel and Richard went on a High Adventure trip last week. They visited Zion National Park and hiked Angel’s Landing and walked some of the Narrows. They spent a day outside of the park rappelling and went boating in the evenings. Saturday night I sat up late and watched the videos that Richard took of the trip so I could see the fun. The footage that Richard took at Angel’s Landing made my stomach flip and my feet go numb. I also saw some spectacular rappelling by the boys and leaders. I am thankful for a great group of boys and leaders in our ward. I am glad that Richard was there, too.

Because of Joseph…

I just realized it is the 170th anniversary of Joseph and Hyrum Smith’s deaths.

I have visited the places they walked. I have visited the place where they died. However, it’s more important to remember and acknowledge that I am blessed and influenced by the Prophet Joseph Every Single Day.

This morning as we read the New Testament as a family I looked at the footnotes to find a clarification on the text from the Joseph Smith Translation. For personal study, I read a chapter in The Book of Mormon. Phrases from scripture he translated come to my mind when I have big decisions to make or when I have a problem. Where would I be without the scriptures? My temple covenants bring power and protection to me throughout the day. I can read my patriarchal blessing whenever I want; I can worship in the temple almost any day. I have a strong network of friends from church who lift me and love me. I know that our family relationships can continue forever because of temple covenants. I have been richly taught about the Savior all my life through The Book of Mormon. All of these things and many more have come to me because of the Prophet Joseph.

Praise to the man who communed with Jehovah. I am blessed every minute because of what he did. How have you been blessed because of his work?

These look better in photos than in person

Our Girls’ Camp scripture was Helaman 5:12. It reminds us to build our foundation on the rock of Jesus Christ. I wanted to make a simple, inexpensive gift for the Young Women in the ward to remember camp. This was inexpensive, but not as simple as I thought. The rocks can’t be too porous or rough. I’ve had a 30-50% failure rate with this craft, which is pretty bad. When I get an image to work, it’s very satisfying and makes me want to keep trying. The rocks at camp wouldn’t work! These are Provo River rocks that I harvested with Mark and Timothy.

I printed a reverse image of the Savior on a laser printer and used a blender pen (toxic! smells like gasoline or paint thinner) to transfer the images. I love rocks. It has been so fun to make these, despite failure after failure.

Paige at Girls Camp

I got to see Paige go canoeing and we prepared a dutch oven dinner together. Good times!

Spending time with these girls today

I’m off to a day of Girls’ Camp. Did these girls freeze last night in their tents? Is there still snow on the ground? Will I be able to find the camp? What surprise should I pack to take to them? Paige is there. It’s her last year of camp. How did this happen so quickly?

Beware of…

*I have edited this this since I first posted. I wanted to clarify what I mean by equality and inclusion.

Here are a few bits of advice for the kids to digest when they need it. I’m writing a long post as I try to hold still while my back heals.

1-Convalescent by Whistler — Convalescent by James Whistler

Beware of the idea that we all need to be the same.

There is a lot of noise today about equality, which is okay. We are all children of God and we are all alike unto God. (2 Nephi 26:33) Unfortunately, many activists have decided that equality demands that we are all treated the same. We need to have the same responsibilities, the same attention, the same size pickle slices, or we are not really being treated as equals. There are gross inequalities in the world that need to be addressed, but I am concerned about the trend of counting titles and responsibilities as evidence of worth.

This hyper-focus on fairness simply teaches that what we have reflects our value. If we don’t have the same responsibilities as someone else, we have cause to be offended. By worldly logic, a person who presides over a church or runs a corporation is the only one who is really getting all he is due. I believe these attitudes are founded in pride in accomplishments, titles, and our most primitive desire to have the same size cookie as our neighbor.

In contrast to this, I believe that our worth comes from being children of our Heavenly Father. Evidence of our worth doesn’t come from what we have, in what we know, or say, or who approved our academic studies and gave us a diploma. It doesn’t hinge on whether we sit in a prominent place at church or the boardroom, or what we are asked to do by God. Our worth isn’t even supported by “equal opportunities.” I believe that when we focus on who we are rather than on what we have, we can be happier.

When activists teach that we need to be the same, the importance of family roles and the power of gender are often ignored or mocked. My gender and my life story are gifts! I treasure them.

Beware of the word, “Inclusion.”

I have learned to be skeptical of the enticing word, “inclusion.” It’s often used as a tool to muddle the lines between right and wrong. Inclusion sounds so great. It’s all about open-mindedness, implies that you are trendy, and means that you love and accept everyone. Worldly inclusion carries with it the idea that people should accept all behavior, not just people. In other words, we are encouraged to embrace the sin along with the sinner. Of course this message is often clothed in language that makes you feel like a jerk if you oppose sinful behavior. This is when you need to open the Bible.

The Savior spent time with many people, including sinners and outcasts, but never, never condoned sins. His love guided Him to show respect and focused attention. However, love for people didn’t mean He compromised on commandments to make them feel more comfortable. Were there groups who received His rebuke? Yes. He was patient as disciples tried to make sense of His teachings. He knew that they would not achieve perfection right away, and He didn’t forsake them when they stumbled. This is real inclusion.

Discontent isn’t an automatic virtue.

Discontent is high on the list of virtues for many worldly thinkers. It’s implied that if we are content, we must be growing complacent, or we must be ignorant of something that should really bother us. Those who fight traditional values the are seen as having something more valuable to say than the quiet masses. This isn’t always true.

Those who have an answer for everything don’t always have the right answers.

There are times when someone will argue their point and I don’t know how to answer. Does it mean they are right and I am wrong? No. It could mean that they are better at arguing. When someone launches into a well-reasoned argument against a commandment or a principle, I try to remember that God has said that “…my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” (Isaiah 55:8) and “…the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God” (1 Cor 3:19). I have learned that you can trust your impressions from the Holy Ghost that something is wrong, even if you can’t formulate an answer right away for why it is wrong. It’s also okay to carry unanswered questions. Over time, as you nurture your faith, not your doubts, the answers will come. (Alma 12:10)

No one is worth losing your faith over.

We can’t put our trust in personalities, no matter how charming or educated or kind. There is no one– no philosophy, no personality, no group for whom it is worth losing what is most precious: our faith, our family, and our covenants with God. There are really dynamic people who know how to promote their ideas. You may admire someone or a cause, but never give anyone the power to rob you of your testimony of the gospel. You can trust the prophets. You can trust the scriptures. Hold tightly to these and you will be okay.

Mark’s Baptism Day

This weekend Mark was baptized. It was a nice day with beautiful weather, lots of family and friends, talks by Daniel and Timothy, music by Paige and me, and cooking. Baptism days are always busy, but I tried really hard this last time to relax, even if it meant that the tent with bunting never got set up, my hair was not curled, and we didn’t get a proper family picture with all of the cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents who gathered. I think I got everyone photographed at dinner but three.

My sweetest memory of the day was when Richard had Mark in the font, ready for the ordinance, and Richard looked up at me. That exchange was simple, but sealed the moment. The work and joys of parenting, gospel preparation, and the new phase we are entering came into focus in a look, but none of those details of parenting were there; it mostly felt like love and joy.