A penny, a screwdriver, and some keys

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This is one of the trees in our backyard. It is every shade of lovely.

Timothy taught our Family Home Evening lesson on Monday night. He shared an activity they did in Sunday School.

He handed out objects, such as a comb, flashlight, screwdriver, a penny, and some keys and asked us to make a parable with one of the objects and find a scripture to go with our parable.

Daniel’s parable of the shiny penny: When a penny is minted, it is shiny and has value in the country where it is legal tender. Over time we see that pennies get dirty. If we go to places other than the United States, the penny has no value other than as a piece of metal. We are like the penny, born innocent and shiny. We can remain shiny through repentance. As we go through life, people can see our value because we shine, even if they are unfamiliar with us, like foreign place that doesn’t recognize pennies as money, but can see worth in the metal. We can be a good influence on others as they see that we have something of value to share.

Mark’s parable of the screwdriver: Once a man tried to build a house without the help of a screwdriver or electric drill. He tried and tried to make the screws go in the walls with his hands, but he couldn’t build a house without help. The screwdriver is like the gospel and Heavenly Father’s help. We can build the house only with his help.

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. -Ether 12:27

Timothy’s parable of the keys: Once a family set out for a trip to the Magic Kingdom. They loaded their car, got in, and sat there, unable to move because they had forgotten their keys. Keys are like faith. We can’t move forward in life without it. Faith is an action. We must do something with it to move forward. We don’t see the destination when we begin, but we trust that the Celestial Kingdom is there and it is our goal. With faith, we move toward that goal.

And now as I said concerning faith—faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true. -Alma 32:21

Bells, piano keys, hymns, Relief Society, symphony, art, and black socks

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It was a week of music for our family. We watched Daniel play in his first bell choir concert. His current bell assignment is to play some of the big bass bells. He says playing these bells is like pouring out a full gallon of milk with each note, your wrist and forearms carefully managing the weight. In other words, they are heavy. I felt Christmas drift through the air as they played, even though these weren’t Christmas pieces. December will be a busy month for bells and they will be playing at Temple Square. I am really looking forward to that.

The boys had a piano recital. Daniel played Preludium in E minor by Felix Mendelssohn. Timothy played Little Story by Sergei Prokofieff. Mark played Etude in A minor by Dmitri Kabalevsky. (Like those names mean anything…) I know the pieces just by the tunes. I rarely learn the names and composers, but I sing along in my head to every piece, well-learned by echoes moving through the house at all hours.

I did Relief Society things. Lots of that, but the specific lessons I am learning and the heartache and loneliness that I am exposed to is part of a private journey that I am taking with some sisters. We can all be more aware of, prayerful, and helpful to others.

In general, I spoke at a Relief Society meeting, participated in a ward council meeting, and presented specific ways to involve women in decisions and discussions and how to improve in ministering to others; I also counseled with the Bishop in a private meeting. I wrote, helped set up tables, washed linens, baked, and cooked. I texted, wrote letters, and talked on the phone. I hugged people who were crying and received counsel about how to do things better. I visited a sister late one night. I listened and admired. I thought hard and made plans. I used my calligraphy skills. I drew strength from scripture study and prayer and hugs from Richard. Please don’t think I am bragging. I am painting a picture of our life. I am not unique in what I do.

On Saturday Richard and I joined my sister Sarah and her husband Bryan for dinner at Lamb’s and the symphony.

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Daniel played the organ in church on Sunday. A sister on our row in church lifted her infant son dressed in a flannel shirt and I remembered Daniel at that age wearing a flannel shirt. I looked at the contrast between this infant and Daniel at the organ and marveled at the time that has passed without effort. I held that tall young man in my arms not so long ago.

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We visited Paige for a few minutes on Sunday night and as always I asked to see some of her art. This was one of her doodles-in-progress, not for an art class. She is critical of it, but there is LIFE in this drawing. I had to share it.

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Also, even her scrap pieces of paper with color gradations and paint mixes could be hung on the wall. I smile every time I visit the dorms because the windows and walls are more decorated each time. Twinkle lights, banners, flags representing mission calls to other countries, and little touches of homemaking are creeping into each unit.

And finally, there is Timothy, who goes to school in the dark early hours for jazz band practice. I bought him some new black shoes and black socks to wear with shorts because that’s what you wear now, at least in middle school. It looked strange at first, like they forgot to change out of their dress socks, but I’m good with it now.

Oh, and Halloween is this Saturday and Mark and I have not made any progress on his costume. Aaack!

This post might be TMI but I don’t feel like editing out pieces of our story today like I usually do.

No regrets

I finished a book this week about the impact that different women have made on the world. One of the women in the book was Mother Theresa. It wasn’t the many deeds of service that she did that made the biggest impression on me. It was her words about sometimes feeling distant from God as she did good works. I have felt that way this week and other times.

In my life I expect that service and scripture study will make me feel light and happy, but that doesn’t always happen. I have learned that if we want to become like the Savior, it means that we will have days where we become acquainted with grief, a little like the Savior, who was also a “man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.” And that feeling of distance from God may not always be a feeling of distance. Perhaps at times it’s a closeness to what He feels for his children, and sometimes that is grief. Of course there is always a distance between me and God, and this leads me to see how much I need the gift of grace.

I have no regrets for my time spent in the scriptures and service, even if I don’t always feel warm and fuzzy about it. I DO have regrets about my time spent doing frivolous things. 24 hours really is a lot of time each day to get things done. How much time I waste, worrying what other people think of me and following news that isn’t important!

Fish quilt

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I am quilting again. I made the pink fish for this quilt that we made for a new baby in our ward. It was my first paper piecing project and I enjoyed it more than I can say, especially when I saw that my square could be used in the quilt. I once made a quilt block for a group project in school and it was rejected for use in the final quilt. The teacher used my square to teach the class “how not to make a quilt square.” I wish I still had it. I would probably frame it, a symbol of how far I have come since then.

“Some people aren’t meant to be quilters,” I remember my teacher saying to the whole class as she held it up. Ha!

I’m with you, so you can do this.

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Photo by Sarah, Spring Lake

*I accidentally pushed “publish” before this essay was ready. Perhaps you read one of my early drafts that I published by mistake. I have made a lot of changes over the past day.

As the seasons change, I realize that we have just a little over 1/3 of the year left. How am I doing on my 2015 goals? I am trying to make an honest assessment of myself while still being gentle.

There were some lofty goals I set for myself in January, to try to be an author, a doll maker, increase my New Testament scholarship, be physically fit, and practice the violin almost every day. In January and through the spring, I had the time to do these things.

As I look back over the summer, I can observe my big goals fizzled out, one by one, along the way. I was asked to do different, more complex things at church. I broke my toe. My computer died. I couldn’t walk, write, or find time to practice. I clung tightly to my scripture goals and made a few dolls this summer, but gave up many other goals. This is my surface assessment of what has happened. If I look more deeply, I can see that I exceeded my writing goal for the year before summer hit. I can see that since having more responsibility from church, my hours feel like they have been expanded. I have been able to accomplish more, even if they are different things than I planned in January.

I’m learning that the version of myself that I wanted to be in January 2015 was good, but maybe the Lord has something different in mind for me. My goals were good because they prepared me for something I couldn’t expect. Through all that writing about motherhood, I was prepared to nurture young mothers, remembering how challenging their days are. I grew closer to my family as I took time to write about them. My testimony of motherhood and family grew. Through my scripture study goals, I have learned many things I want to share with others.

Questions I ask myself as I partake of the sacrament lately revolve around the theme, “How can I do all that I need to do?” The answers have come. Sometimes the answer is to do less. Sometimes the answer is to do more by making better use of little minutes between things. Always the answer is to eat and sleep, and to not neglect my family. One answer came in the scriptures in Deuteronomy 30:

11 ¶For this commandment which I command thee this day, it is not hidden from thee, neither is it far off. (The footnote says: not hidden from thee=not too hard for you)

12 It is not in heaven, that thou shouldest say, Who shall go up for us to heaven, and bring it unto us, that we may hear it, and do it?

13 Neither is it beyond the sea, that thou shouldest say, Who shall go over the sea for us, and bring it unto us, that we may hear it, and do it?

14 But the word is very nigh unto thee, in thy mouth, and in thy heart, that thou mayest do it.

With this passage of scripture the Lord told me, “This is not too hard for you. I am with you, so you can do this. The words are in your mouth as they are needed; the word is in your heart that you may do it.”

These words apply to all of us. It’s not too hard for you. It’s not too hard for me. The Lord is near and makes a way for us to pass through.

 

 

 

Frontier living

1-DSC_35741-IMG_20150803_2101131-IMG_20150805_125216 1-DSC_3576 1-DSC_3577 1-DSC_3578We’re living frontier-style with our bed in the living room while we paint our master bedroom. It’s like Little House on the Prairie here as I awake to find the kids pouring cereal in the kitchen, just feet away from me. Our new foam mattress arrived this week in a very compact box. As we pulled away the plastic, it grew to normal size in half a minute.The mattress on the living room floor is so much nicer than our old mattress that we have made up the bed and go to sleep to the sound of the dishwasher each night.

I took pictures of the “still” times that our family enjoyed this week. Mostly, though, it was all go. The evenings after we finished our activities were precious. One night we pulled out Scrabble. Other nights we walked. For Family Home Evening, we played a version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire that Richard and I made with Book of Mormon trivia questions. One night we entertained my mom and my brother Matt’s family.

I feel like I am coming out of a Relief Society trance. It’s all I have been able to think about or do for the past five weeks. But now that I “know” the visiting teaching routes and I am getting into a schedule of visits and meetings, I can manage my time better. And wow, do I need to do that. I forgot to write Mark’s talk for Primary. I forgot that summer is ending. The boys start school next week. Paige moves out the week after that. What?

We went to the book store and Paige and Daniel didn’t spend much time in the fluffy literature section. I found them camped out in the college prep section. It’s like I saw their childhoods flutter away at that moment. I shook my head and walked back to the children’s section where I could reminisce about the days when we read picture books together. Then I bought myself a coloring book.

Today I’m remembering that it’s the 3rd anniversary of the day I drove the kids to Utah, saying goodbye to our home and friends in Arizona. I miss a few things about Arizona, but I have never regretted moving here. The house projects move at a snail’s pace between errands, but we are getting it done.

Here we go

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Hello, July! We’re off on adventures, every one of us. Richard and the boys’ adventures are the outdoorsy type. Paige’s adventures are of the summer job and preparing for college type. I broke my first bone and was called to be the Relief Society President last week. I found myself saying this over and over as we faced new things, “Here we go…” (kind of like what you say before you jump off the high dive or speak before a crowd) and so far the shock and adrenaline have been great helps. So has my family. Paige and Daniel cooked while I had to rest with my foot elevated. My sister Susan came and sat with me on the day I was so nervous that I was sick to my stomach.

Independence Day is a blur to me, but according to the camera, we had tank wars with my sister’s family. Instead of focusing on the fireworks, my mind dreaded that moment when my name would be read in church the next day and that title would be added to my name and all kinds of expectations and associations over which I have no control would descend on me. It felt heavy, and made me feel a little solemn. I know that many women don’t know me at church because I have been working with the Young Women since we moved here.

Despite the initial shock and nervousness, I feel like I am coming to the calling of Relief Society President with a full lamp. I feel prepared; not fully capable, but strong in my testimony and at peace with the life I have been given, including some challenges and heartache. I know I will have lots of help from many people and God’s grace will carry me. Also, I love serving in Relief Society. I love visiting people and connecting with others on a deep level. I love teaching. So the calling, while heavy, is also a gift; Heavenly Father has said, “Here you go,” and I am glad.

 

Daniel on Pioneer Trek

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Daniel is off to Pioneer Trek this morning. If you see me with a distant look this week it’s because my thoughts are in Wyoming as I weave a long prayer for safety and strength for these kids. Or it’s because I’m choosing not to think and not to worry. This sendoff is a hard one for me. I try to send the kids off for adventures because it’s the right thing to do. I have raised our kids in a world that looks down on parents who let their kids out of their sight. It’s hard not to be affected by that paranoia. Plus I had heat stroke when I went on trek 3 years ago and I don’t want that for anyone.

I’m convinced that worry is the opposite of what God wants us to do with our thoughts. So this week it’s prayer and work and zoning out, but not worry for me. Because even in my worst experiences in life, I have been lifted. Daniel will be lifted, too.

Girls Camp 2015

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Skit night
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Lightning storm the first night
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Beginning our 4-mile trek to the temple. Notice anything interesting in this picture?
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We see our destination at the beginning, but not again until the final stretch.
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The girls did a lot of service around the property and tied fleece blankets for Shriner’s Hospital.
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The girls loved having sidewalk chalk available.
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4-square!
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There were a lot of crafts.

1-DSC_3087 1-DSC_3089 1-DSC_3093 1-DSC_3095 1-DSC_3105 1-DSC_3121 1-DSC_3136 1-DSC_3139 1-DSC_3167 1-DSC_3168 1-DSC_3179 1-DSC_3183 1-DSC_3188 1-DSC_3205 1-DSC_3214 1-DSC_3218 1-DSC_3224We held Girls Camp at my parents’ property in Spring Lake. I think the girls had a good experience. I know that I did.