I am quilting again. I made the pink fish for this quilt that we made for a new baby in our ward. It was my first paper piecing project and I enjoyed it more than I can say, especially when I saw that my square could be used in the quilt. I once made a quilt block for a group project in school and it was rejected for use in the final quilt. The teacher used my square to teach the class “how not to make a quilt square.” I wish I still had it. I would probably frame it, a symbol of how far I have come since then.
“Some people aren’t meant to be quilters,” I remember my teacher saying to the whole class as she held it up. Ha!
*I accidentally pushed “publish” before this essay was ready. Perhaps you read one of my early drafts that I published by mistake. I have made a lot of changes over the past day.
As the seasons change, I realize that we have just a little over 1/3 of the year left. How am I doing on my 2015 goals? I am trying to make an honest assessment of myself while still being gentle.
There were some lofty goals I set for myself in January, to try to be an author, a doll maker, increase my New Testament scholarship, be physically fit, and practice the violin almost every day. In January and through the spring, I had the time to do these things.
As I look back over the summer, I can observe my big goals fizzled out, one by one, along the way. I was asked to do different, more complex things at church. I broke my toe. My computer died. I couldn’t walk, write, or find time to practice. I clung tightly to my scripture goals and made a few dolls this summer, but gave up many other goals. This is my surface assessment of what has happened. If I look more deeply, I can see that I exceeded my writing goal for the year before summer hit. I can see that since having more responsibility from church, my hours feel like they have been expanded. I have been able to accomplish more, even if they are different things than I planned in January.
I’m learning that the version of myself that I wanted to be in January 2015 was good, but maybe the Lord has something different in mind for me. My goals were good because they prepared me for something I couldn’t expect. Through all that writing about motherhood, I was prepared to nurture young mothers, remembering how challenging their days are. I grew closer to my family as I took time to write about them. My testimony of motherhood and family grew. Through my scripture study goals, I have learned many things I want to share with others.
Questions I ask myself as I partake of the sacrament lately revolve around the theme, “How can I do all that I need to do?” The answers have come. Sometimes the answer is to do less. Sometimes the answer is to do more by making better use of little minutes between things. Always the answer is to eat and sleep, and to not neglect my family. One answer came in the scriptures in Deuteronomy 30:
11 ¶For this commandment which I command thee this day, it is not hidden from thee, neither is it far off. (The footnote says: not hidden from thee=not too hard for you)
12 It is not in heaven, that thou shouldest say, Who shall go up for us to heaven, and bring it unto us, that we may hear it, and do it?
13 Neither is it beyond the sea, that thou shouldest say, Who shall go over the sea for us, and bring it unto us, that we may hear it, and do it?
14 But the word is very nigh unto thee, in thy mouth, and in thy heart, that thou mayest do it.
With this passage of scripture the Lord told me, “This is not too hard for you. I am with you, so you can do this. The words are in your mouth as they are needed; the word is in your heart that you may do it.”
These words apply to all of us. It’s not too hard for you. It’s not too hard for me. The Lord is near and makes a way for us to pass through.
We’re living frontier-style with our bed in the living room while we paint our master bedroom. It’s like Little House on the Prairie here as I awake to find the kids pouring cereal in the kitchen, just feet away from me. Our new foam mattress arrived this week in a very compact box. As we pulled away the plastic, it grew to normal size in half a minute.The mattress on the living room floor is so much nicer than our old mattress that we have made up the bed and go to sleep to the sound of the dishwasher each night.
I took pictures of the “still” times that our family enjoyed this week. Mostly, though, it was all go. The evenings after we finished our activities were precious. One night we pulled out Scrabble. Other nights we walked. For Family Home Evening, we played a version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire that Richard and I made with Book of Mormon trivia questions. One night we entertained my mom and my brother Matt’s family.
I feel like I am coming out of a Relief Society trance. It’s all I have been able to think about or do for the past five weeks. But now that I “know” the visiting teaching routes and I am getting into a schedule of visits and meetings, I can manage my time better. And wow, do I need to do that. I forgot to write Mark’s talk for Primary. I forgot that summer is ending. The boys start school next week. Paige moves out the week after that. What?
We went to the book store and Paige and Daniel didn’t spend much time in the fluffy literature section. I found them camped out in the college prep section. It’s like I saw their childhoods flutter away at that moment. I shook my head and walked back to the children’s section where I could reminisce about the days when we read picture books together. Then I bought myself a coloring book.
Today I’m remembering that it’s the 3rd anniversary of the day I drove the kids to Utah, saying goodbye to our home and friends in Arizona. I miss a few things about Arizona, but I have never regretted moving here. The house projects move at a snail’s pace between errands, but we are getting it done.
Hello, July! We’re off on adventures, every one of us. Richard and the boys’ adventures are the outdoorsy type. Paige’s adventures are of the summer job and preparing for college type. I broke my first bone and was called to be the Relief Society President last week. I found myself saying this over and over as we faced new things, “Here we go…” (kind of like what you say before you jump off the high dive or speak before a crowd) and so far the shock and adrenaline have been great helps. So has my family. Paige and Daniel cooked while I had to rest with my foot elevated. My sister Susan came and sat with me on the day I was so nervous that I was sick to my stomach.
Independence Day is a blur to me, but according to the camera, we had tank wars with my sister’s family. Instead of focusing on the fireworks, my mind dreaded that moment when my name would be read in church the next day and that title would be added to my name and all kinds of expectations and associations over which I have no control would descend on me. It felt heavy, and made me feel a little solemn. I know that many women don’t know me at church because I have been working with the Young Women since we moved here.
Despite the initial shock and nervousness, I feel like I am coming to the calling of Relief Society President with a full lamp. I feel prepared; not fully capable, but strong in my testimony and at peace with the life I have been given, including some challenges and heartache. I know I will have lots of help from many people and God’s grace will carry me. Also, I love serving in Relief Society. I love visiting people and connecting with others on a deep level. I love teaching. So the calling, while heavy, is also a gift; Heavenly Father has said, “Here you go,” and I am glad.
Daniel is off to Pioneer Trek this morning. If you see me with a distant look this week it’s because my thoughts are in Wyoming as I weave a long prayer for safety and strength for these kids. Or it’s because I’m choosing not to think and not to worry. This sendoff is a hard one for me. I try to send the kids off for adventures because it’s the right thing to do. I have raised our kids in a world that looks down on parents who let their kids out of their sight. It’s hard not to be affected by that paranoia. Plus I had heat stroke when I went on trek 3 years ago and I don’t want that for anyone.
I’m convinced that worry is the opposite of what God wants us to do with our thoughts. So this week it’s prayer and work and zoning out, but not worry for me. Because even in my worst experiences in life, I have been lifted. Daniel will be lifted, too.
Skit nightLightning storm the first nightBeginning our 4-mile trek to the temple. Notice anything interesting in this picture?We see our destination at the beginning, but not again until the final stretch.The girls did a lot of service around the property and tied fleece blankets for Shriner’s Hospital.The girls loved having sidewalk chalk available.4-square!There were a lot of crafts.
We held Girls Camp at my parents’ property in Spring Lake. I think the girls had a good experience. I know that I did.
Paige graduated from seminary this weekend. She was asked to play a piano solo and she did a beautiful job. She began her seminary journey in Arizona in early morning classes and ended it in a huge high school seminary in the Salt Lake Valley.
Mark turns 9 years old today. We went to the Payson Temple open house this morning. It was a walking tour without a guide, but in one of the rooms, a volunteer reminded us to “look up.” The ceilings were glorious. Everything was special. It felt like home. I thought of my great-grandparents who had a farm one mile from the temple site. When I saw a painting of a woman with a basket of apples, I thought of my grandmothers who bottled fruit in this area during the Depression and beyond. I hope that Mark remembers some details of this magnificent temple and that it was part of his birthday celebration to be there. I hope that he and the kids remember to “look up” for approval, guidance, and perspective.
Daniel taught our family home evening lesson last night to fulfill a missionary challenge for seminary. He taught us why we need the Book of Mormon. He had us look up scriptures from the various prophets of the Book of Mormon and we made a list of what we learned. Here is our list.
The Book of Mormon was written:
To persuade people to believe in Christ
To express the things of a prophet’s soul for his children
For a wise purpose
And it was kept and preserved over time
For our day
For a future people
To call us to come unto Christ
For the descendants of the Lamanites, the Jews, and the Gentiles
To join with the Bible and the records of the 10 tribes to convince the world of truth
And by it and other records will the world be judged
To help us grow closer to God as we obey its precepts…
Daniel shared this quote by Ezra Taft Benson,
…The only problem the objector has to resolve for himself is whether the Book of Mormon is true. For if the Book of Mormon is true, then Jesus is the Christ, Joseph Smith was his prophet, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true, and it is being led today by a prophet receiving revelation.
And Moroni’s promise (Moroni 10:4-5) to all who study and ask in faith if the book is true,
And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.
And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know thetruth of all things.
Then we ate doughnuts. Awesome, quick, drama-free family home evening. Hooray.
