Mark is on a trip to Mt Rushmore with two cousins and his grandparents. Richard and the boys are on a high adventure trip. Paige is at work. I am alone for more than 45 minutes for the first time in years.
What?
Please don’t ask me to account for how I spend this time. I make no promises of productivity.
The young women and their leaders in my congregation are at girls’ camp this week. Their camp theme is “Know who you are,” which I didn’t realize was a Moana thing until after I made this display for them. As I compiled these quotes, I saw that the scriptures have a whole lot more to say about who Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are than who we are. This is another religious paradox: we don’t learn who we are by focusing on ourselves. Instead, a knowledge of God is essential to know who we are and who we can become.
Some of what I found in my study isn’t popular. I felt myself having to draw some courage to write one of the quotes. This message from Sister Bonnie Oscarson, General Young Women president, helped me:
I worry that we live in such an atmosphere of avoiding offense that we sometimes altogether avoid teaching correct principles. We fail to teach our young women that preparing to be a mother is of utmost importance because we don’t want to offend those who aren’t married or those who can’t have children, or to be seen as stifling future choices. On the other hand, we may also fail to emphasize the importance of education because we don’t want to send the message that it is more important than marriage. We avoid declaring that our Heavenly Father defines marriage as being between a man and woman because we don’t want to offend those who experience same-sex attraction. And we may find it uncomfortable to discuss gender issues or healthy sexuality.
Certainly, sisters, we need to use sensitivity, but let us also use our common sense and our understanding of the plan of salvation to be bold and straightforward when it comes to teaching our children and youth the essential gospel principles they must understand to navigate the world in which they live. If we don’t teach our children and youth true doctrine—and teach it clearly—the world will teach them Satan’s lies.
We had a picnic in the mountains with Richard’s family. We visited our neighbors in Sahuarita, surprised Paige’s dance teacher, and walked around the desert museum. We saw our old house. We toured the Tucson Temple with Maria and her family. And then we came home. Phew!
Outside my kitchen window, in my neighbor’s yard is a large, mature cherry tree. In the spring, its white blossoms dominate my view. After a foggy winter night, I will awaken to its bare branches swathed in white frost. After the hush of a snowstorm, every twig carries a deposit of snow, highlighting the intricacy of its design. In summer, the filtered light through its leaves at sunrise and bright red cherries are my delights. In autumn, its leaves are some of the last to fall among the trees in the neighborhood.
Today there are green cherries all over the tree. In my view of so much emerald green, my mind struggles to remember the more harsh views of winter. My memory feels feeble and ungrateful as I try to remember what it was like to look out the window just a few months ago. Winter is beautiful, but when the leaves are out, it’s hard to remember that there was a winter.
I drive my truck around the neighborhood, with several simple birthday gifts for Relief Society sisters on the seat next to me. I could easily walk this route, but I want to finish my errands quickly. The more noble part of me wants to knock on the doors to give the women the carefully wrapped gifts and cards written with my heart. The shy part of me wonders whether I should just leave the gifts on the doorsteps and avoid knocking. After all, this week’s demands have been great. Perhaps I have given enough. But then I remember the tree outside my window.
How many times has this tree blessed my life? How many times has it provided fruit and shade in the summer? How many cold seasons has it weathered, to live to amaze us with its unrestrained display of white flowers? How many times has its presence been enough to inspire me, in frost, in heat, sunshine, and storms?
I knock on the doors. I can be like this tree.
Last week for a Relief Society activity, we did a modest gift exchange, keeping our purchases around $5. The gift was supposed to represent some of our favorite things. For the gift I brought, I included an extra fine point pen, some Jelly Bellies and some lipstick. Into the bag also went this paper with a few favorite scripture verses. I ran out of room before I could do much from the Bible. Trust me, there are lots of favorite Bible verses in my life.
Perspective is almost impossible to have without stepping back and allowing light, space, and sometimes time to give us necessary wisdom.
Mark plays a console game on our television after his school and piano work are finished. It is a 30-minute reward for his efforts. He doesn’t sit as he plays; he jumps and dodges on one spot of rug, mimicking the moves of the game. The inexpensive rug in the room is starting to show wear on his spot. Exasperated, one day, I pushed my laundry baskets over the area and asked him to play on a different square of carpet. Days later, as I vacuumed over and over the spot, trying to pull up the fibers of the rug so they wouldn’t look so matted, I realized that I was being ridiculous. If Mark were to no longer be part of our life, I would treasure that square of rug because it was his spot. I would be sad that I had been more concerned about the rug than him enjoying his reward for hard work. No more complaining about the rug.
I have on loan two books which commemorate 25 years of our neighborhood church history. On its pages I see the portraits of my friends when they still had their children living at home. I read the accounts of their service in the church, doing the work I do now. Younger, more vibrant faces shine up at me from the pages, showing my now elderly neighbors in their days of deep service in the Church and the community. We are living the same story, 10, 20, 30 and 40 years behind our friends. I see ourselves in our friends’ faces in the book, taking our turn to serve with the youth and Relief Society. We will keep changing responsibilities, just as they did, and find ourselves back in Primary or Sunday School, and perhaps back again. What do my friends in this book teach me? That these days are fleeting. They are the adventures we will look back on for years to come. The stretching we feel now can help us grow to be a little more wise and kind– a little more like our friends.
I am tenderhearted this week as I finish the end of an era of teaching home school. The books on the shelf have served their purpose. What will I do with them now? I am not ready to give many of them away. They are a monument to how we have spent our days together. I gained a bit of perspective recently as I mourned this loss. I realized that what I have given my children, and the bond we have because of it, will not be taken away, even though circumstances change. As I step away from the books, papers, projects, and especially precious time together, I begin to see the fruits: our relationships and abilities rise up and take their place. I am so thankful for these years.
Carol was a member of my congregation. She was endearing. Several of her nieces and nephews said that she loved them like each one was her favorite. She loved them differently, just as they needed to be loved. Isn’t that beautiful?
I took a couple of shots of our RS birthday party as it was winding down and some people had already gone home. To get everyone to smile, I told them I was printing these pictures to give to a sister in a care facility. That’s love you see in their smiling faces.
We played games and there was a trivia contest about Relief Society history. Each month in 2017 we are providing service for the refugees in our community. Last month, we prepared over 70 kits with cleaning and hygiene supplies. This month, our sisters donated around 100 reusable shopping bags. We watch for needs on the Serve Refugees app and advertise them. Many sisters can’t attend activities at night, but they can participate in this service, and they do. The evening was light and happy. It was good.
Today I celebrate Relief Society, the women’s organization in my Church. I’m not celebrating the stuffy idea of women in a classroom with a tablecloth, not the trite definition of women getting together to gab over quilt frames, but the full measure of power for good in the women of the Church.
Every year, my definition of Relief Society grows. It is about so much more than we usually acknowledge.
If you learned Primary songs, attended a Youth Conference, heard a choir, went to Sunday school, listened to prelude music before a meeting, attended Cub Scout den meetings and youth activities, you have been blessed by the sisters of Relief Society. If you were taught by sister missionaries, you have a special window into the heart of Relief Society sisters.
If you have received a meal when a family member has been sick, eaten at a funeral luncheon in an LDS meeting house, had visiting teachers in your home, or received cookies from your Mormon neighbor, you have been touched by the Relief Society.
If you have a collection of Young Women handouts, a baptism towel, or a blanket made by a Relief Society sister, you have evidence of the time women are willing to put into their responsibilities.
If you have served in any ward council, stake presidency, youth committee, Primary calling, Cub Scouting, or have been a Bishop, you have learned from sisters in the Relief Society. If you have children who attend nursery, Primary, or Young Women meetings, you will find the Relief Society sisters in action. If you have a daughter living away from home, you feel comfort knowing she has a Relief Society president who knows her name. If you have a child who doesn’t attend church, you have probably prayed that someone would reach out to them. Sisters try to be the answer to such prayers every day.
It would be difficult to find a member of the Church who has not been touched by the kindness, knowledge, or testimony of a Relief Society sister.* Much kindness also extends to people not of our faith. It would be easy to find faults with individual members of Relief Society. We are full of faults, and one of them is the idea that we will never be able to do enough good. This is a lie that many of us combat daily. It’s impressive how much we can attribute to the women of the Church, however, serving in their callings and personal ministries, in their studies, and in their acts of faith in Christ, who strengthens them.
If you are thinking of a Relief Society sister who has touched your life, write to her or call her and tell her thank you. She probably won’t remember the thing she did that made a difference to you, but what else would you expect from a woman who is doing so much good in the world?
*In the time that it took to write this post, a woman from my Relief Society (my visiting teacher) stopped by to give me a plant and share some laughs. Another stopped by with some lip balm to put in a care package for a woman who is living away from home. Richard, who is camping with the Scouts called to say that he didn’t need to worry about dinner plans because a woman from our Relief Society surprised them and brought stew, lemon bars, and eclairs for dinner.