Church – Page 14 – Letters from Home

Prom, Primary, Diamond Fork, Big Bad Mama, Anniversary

I made some new friends this week, three women I did not know before, but felt inspired to choose to serve with me at church. I spent time with each of them, one by one, talking about important things like families, dreams, and testimony and felt my heart warm. I’m not surprised that I love them. I’m surprised how quickly it happened.

I worried and prayed for a sister-in-law.

I enjoyed a date night with Richard for our anniversary, which included two restaurants and lots of roses. Then, lucky us, we had another evening together later in the week, each of us dressed in Scout uniforms, matchy-matchy. I thought I was through with my uniform, but I am delighted at some good memories that came when I put it back on.

I watched Timothy play in an ultimate Frisbee tournament and helped him with Prom preparations. I had a lot of time with Tim this week, and I am so grateful for that.

I disabled the family computer last week, which was mainly being used to watch YouTube videos. When the kids were little, there were times I would chant, “I’m a big bad mama and I’m not afraid of you,” (I know, I am ridiculous) aloud or in my mind when I had to do the hard things that young parents have to do: enforce bedtime, deny requests for sugar, insist on car seats, clean up messes, and react in a positive way to tantrums. Not even that mental chant helped boost my morale over the computer drama. The reality is, a teen tantrum is much more painful to endure than one from a three-year-old.

Richard came home with the best pictures of a Scout campout in Diamond Fork. He brought his smokeless fire pit and Chip brought his guitar, and the boys and leaders sang around the campfire and roasted marshmallows and biscuits as it got dark. Mark came home from the camp, hugged me, and asked what he could eat. Balance is restored.

Sand Dunes

The upcoming break from Scouting has made for some interesting conversations. A few weeks ago at church, someone overheard that Richard would be out of a job at the end of the year. She immediately thought of his employment, not his Scoutmaster work, and her husband pulled us aside to commiserate.

We have observed that Scouting in our church is winding down, and there is less enthusiasm and participation. Richard has tried to figure out which boys want to pursue the Eagle rank and guide them to the right classes and activities so they can do it. In our unit, most boys and parents are not interested in rank advancement. This makes it hard to know if it’s “worth it” to go camping each month, but Richard and the other leaders continue to take them into the wild. It’s a good thing for the boys, the Deacons quorum, and the neighborhood. Scouting bridges a potential gap in our neighborhood between those who go to church and those who don’t. In fact, I don’t think the boys perceive a gap, as they are just friends having fun together. That is a very good thing.

Little things this week

These ideas for family history at a friend’s home were inspiring. It was an honor to see their family’s testimonies and how they celebrate their ancestors.

Tim has another black eye but declined to be photographed.

I kept the conference block tower for several days because Mark did a brilliant job.

A Baptism Here and There

A few weeks ago we studied as a family about being born of water and the spirit. While offering our family prayer after sharing what we learned, I felt I should thank our Heavenly Father for baptism. In an instant, I felt what this ordinance, along with confirmation, have meant to our family. Immense, personal, empowering, enhancing, clarifying, cleansing, gathering, unifying, and sanctifying, these gifts are something to cherish. Our Father is generous, and because of the sacrifice of his Son, we can be baptized. The Holy Ghost fills us and leaves its elevating effects without fanfare. The influence and power of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost seem to come together at important days like baptism, not just at the Jordan River, but for little David, Maria, and each of us. At baptism, we are gathered, and we find where we belong.

Missionary Monday

“These last few weeks have really just driven home my gratitude for the all-encompassing perfection of God’s plan.” -Elder Ross

I came across this song by divine accident after visiting with Daniel today. The tender voice of Collin Raye and the lyrics spoke to my thoughts and mood as nothing else could.

Here I Am, Lord

I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people cry,
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save. I who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright,
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord, Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my people´s pain,
I have wept for love of them, they turn away. I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone,
I will speak My word to them,
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord, Is it I, Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of wind and flame
I will tend the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them,
My hand will save. Finest bread I will provide,
Till their hearts be satisfied.
I will give My life to them,
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord, Is it I, Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.

I will hold Your people in my heart.

Gatherings

This weekend we hosted some gatherings, one for neighbors and then for the youth before they went to the temple. I don’t know how successful these gatherings were, but I think the house looked really good after two days of effort.

Stand Forever [in the faith]

Begin by answering the primary questions. There are primary questions and there are secondary questions. Answer the primary questions first. Not all questions are equal and not all truths are equal. The primary questions are the most important. Everything else is subordinate. There are only a few primary questions. I will mention four of them.
1. Is there a God who is our Father?
2. Is Jesus Christ the Son of God, the Savior of the world?
3. Was Joseph Smith a prophet?
4. Is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints the kingdom of God on the earth?
By contrast, the secondary questions are unending. They include questions about Church history, polygamy, people of African descent and the priesthood, women and the priesthood, how the Book of Mormon was translated, the Pearl of Great Price, DNA and the Book of Mormon, gay marriage, the different accounts of the First Vision, and on and on.
If you answer the primary questions, the secondary questions get answered too, or they pale in significance and you can deal with things you understand and things you don’t and things you agree with and things you don’t without jumping ship altogether.
… the best of all human conditions in this life is not wealth, fame, prestige, good health, the honors of men, security, or even—dare I say it—good grades. As wonderful as some of those things are, the best of all human conditions is to be endowed with heavenly power; it is to be born again, to have the gift and companionship of the Holy Ghost, which is the source of knowledge, revelation, strength, clarity, love, joy, peace, hope, confidence, faith, and almost every other good thing. Jesus said, “The Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, . . . shall teach you all things.” It is the power by which we “may know the truth of all things.” “It will show . . . [us] all things . . . [we] should do.” It is the fountain of “living water” that springs up unto eternal life.
…Answers to the primary questions do not come by answering the secondary questions. There are answers to the secondary questions, but you cannot prove a positive by disproving every negative. You cannot prove the Church is true by disproving every claim made against it. That will never work. It is a flawed strategy. Ultimately there has to be affirmative proof, and with the things of God, affirmative proof finally and surely comes by revelation through the spirit and power of the Holy Ghost.
I heard someone say recently, “It is okay to have doubts.”
I wonder about that. The Lord said, “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.” I have a lot of questions; I don’t have any doubts.
Lawrence E Corbridge, “Stand Forever,” BYU Devotional, January 22, 2019

This talk was good and I have been waiting for the transcript to become available so I could share it with you. The ideas were well developed and new. He spoke with power. I loved it.

It’s wilderness week for our family’s study of the New Testament. Our goal is to spend time in our own wilderness each day to learn from Heavenly Father…before we look at our devices and screens. Wish us luck. Here’s the journal sheet.

Margins

I have always had meaningful work at church until five months ago. Even after out-of-state moves, I was busy at church within a month. I count these last five months as some of the most trying of my life. I have continued to minister to people on my own, and that has been sweet and saving, but there was a dread that crept in every Saturday night when I remembered that church was the next day. I wanted to partake of the sacrament, but I was sad to have nothing to do at church. (I was given a church job but I had to wait several months to act.)

For the first time in my life, I was experiencing what it feels like to be the marginal person whom people do not ask for help. Sure, I had a husband and children on the bench with me, so I looked like the model church goer, but my spirit was living on the margins.

Meaningful work is one key to mental health. The timing of school starting and no longer home schooling, Daniel going on a mission, and being released as RS president meant that I lost almost every piece of meaningful work in the same month.

I am coming out on the other side of that pain now and I am glad I went to church each week, even when it was hard.

I am glad I followed the prophet’s 4 tasks given to the women of the church, even though I was so angry at the time. Those tasks weren’t token acts to show I was being good. This was preparation for meaningful work in a home centered church.

The other night I was looking at pictures from the last five months, and you know what? I don’t look the way I felt inside. I actually have a bit of a glow in my smile. Where was God during all of this time of pain? His Spirit was right inside of me, holding me up and teaching me. I had a private tutor, guiding my thoughts and giving me courage to keep going. I see it now. At the time, I thought I was living on the margins of the flock, unnoticed, but I was actually being upheld by God. There is no better inclusion than that. I know God a little better now, and he is with the people on the margins.

Snow, Words, and Studio

I spent some time at BYU for a New Testament Commentary conference (yay Julie) and stopped by Paige’s studio.

I have spent an insane amount of time looking at short videos of Mark’s Scout Troop playing in the snow at the Klondike Derby this weekend. It brings me such delight to hear the boys’ voices and see them trying to run in snow pants and colorful parkas against a snowy background. It is the end of childhood and they are playing. My heart!

We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.
Anais Nin

Simple, uncomplicated me, just dipping my toes into being a mother of adults, wonders, “What do I know?” Very little. Nothing at all. But I delight in hearing my friend Julie Smith speak, whose book, The Gospel According to Mark, A New Rendition, was just published. I delight in seeing little boys happy, in seeing Paige’s actual palette of paints, in hearing Tim’s friends laughing in the basement, and watching Richard enjoy the lemon bars I made. There is depth and validity in those delights. It was a good weekend.