I often dodged having my photo taken in high school because I didn’t like how I looked. My grandfather took this photo in 1989.
Hair volume aside, when I see this snapshot, I realize that my negative thoughts about my looks were big fat liars.
Favorite Things 2018: daily use edition
Soon after my call to be a Relief Society president, I felt the need to compile a photo directory for the women in my congregation. Many sisters don’t know one another. I didn’t know many of them! We began taking photos in August during activities. I asked Tiffany, who is fearless and has a nice camera, to lead out. I had no idea what a challenge this project would be. In the end, Tiffany, my presidency (Charlene, Cindy, and Kristy), and I had to really extend ourselves to make this happen.
Most women in my congregation, bless their hearts, love every one, are not of the selfie generation. Every photo in this directory, minus a small handful and those I stole from Facebook, seemed to invoke real pain in the person being photographed.
“Can you wait until I lose 20 pounds?” asked more than one sister.
“Let’s just not do this. No, I don’t take photographs.”
“No, please don’t take my picture. And no, I don’t have any photos of myself in my phone that I can send you.”
“I hate that photo of myself.”
“You will NOT use that photo of me. I’m sending you a different one.”
“<silence>” when I begged via email, text, and in person.
To confess, I didn’t love looking at my photo in the directory either. But with each text or email I received with a photo attached I felt celebration well up within me. As I compiled the document on my computer, I had a powerful experience. These women are beautiful! They are each so unique and talented. How I admire each of them. Looking at their pictures all together I felt swept away by how much strength I saw.
Yesterday when we handed out the directories at church, all I heard was how the sisters hated their individual photographs. As disappointing as this is, I still feel a surge of power and love when I look into their faces in the directory. I think they will, too, once the shock of seeing their individual photographs goes away.
What can we learn from the “selfie” generation? We can learn to not take ourselves so seriously. When we smile for a photograph, we are sharing light. You can see it, can’t you?
When my Aunt Susan passed away last spring without a real goodbye or memorial service, I had thoughts and feelings that felt like orphans. I was confused and sad and there was no place for me to share those feelings. Then I was invited to her apartment and given almost all of her clothing.
We feel guilty when we do things that make it seem like we are moving on. Suddenly I was assuming her fabulous wardrobe and trying to make it my own. My Uncle Dwight said that it was so difficult for him to see all of her things leaving her apartment, but he knew that she would want her things to go to family. For me, this trip to her apartment was a chance to say goodbye to this much adored aunt.
It took me a while to feel comfortable wearing her clothes. Her perfume or a business card in a pocket would make me sad.
I’ve shared that I love her clothes, but it’s not just because the jackets are beautiful. It’s also because they remind me of her. My aunt brightened every room she visited. She got excited about people and accomplishments and loved to commemorate special events. I think of her when I put on one of her jackets and I wonder how she would face my day.
As a tribute to her, I thought that I would list some of the special events in the past year in which thoughts of her have accompanied me as I have worn her clothing.
Susan was there to celebrate many big occasions in my life. I’ve celebrated many things wearing her clothes this year. Timothy pinned a mothers pin to one of her jackets when he earned his Arrow of Light. Her clothes have been to concerts, an honor society induction ceremony, and baseball games.
Susan did work for a foundation to benefit schools. I have worn her jackets, blouses, pants, and jewelry to visit classrooms twice a week at our local elementary school. I think she would be happy to know that.
It’s fun to wear some of her more whimsical things when I teach the Young Women.
A special sweater has come along to a girls’ lunch with my sisters and a good visit with my parents in the fall. She loved family gatherings.
For my birthday, I dressed in her red ruffled plaid blouse and a red jacket when I went on a date with my two favorite men, Richard and my dad. Susan loved to go to restaurants and celebrate life.
She was with me when I went Christmas shopping. Wearing her gray jacket and carrying one of her purses, I remembered how she loved giving gifts.
Whenever I think of parties, her’s are the standard. I wore her velvet jacket when I hosted our big Christmas party.
This year, as memories of her have accompanied me everywhere, I have been reminded to be more courageous in my writing, speech, and music; more generous in my praise of others, and more willing to enjoy life. It’s a beautiful inheritance.
Timothy participated in his 4th grade program this week. It was a celebration of Utah, full of songs for voice and recorders, a fantastic choral reading, and he presented a flawless speech. It represented a year’s worth of Utah Studies and music. I loved it.
Mrs Johnson was a wonderful teacher for Timothy. This was her 35th year of teaching. She’s retiring this week and the school won’t be the same without her.
I have inherited my Great Aunt Susan’s wardrobe. It’s classy and smart with whimsical touches. I love fashion, but I don’t buy clothes very often for myself. It’s a real treat to wear her clothing. I wore this to Timothy’s program with a brown and white beaded necklace. I wore heels with the wide-legged pants and pulled my hair into a loose bun. Overdressed for a school program? Yes, but who cares.
We don’t have photographs of Daniel’s orchestra concert this week, but we were so proud of him for playing the solo for Beauty and the Beast on his cello. He did a great job and was a good sport about playing the girls’ choice of music for the finale: Firework by Katy Perry! I wore this outfit. I love the red corduroy peplum jacket with big buttons. The pants are a nice heavy knit, comfortable, but dressy.
And for church today, I wore this outfit. The beads belonged to my Great Grandmother Spencer. The jacket and dress were Susan’s.
This week there are two ballet performances to attend and two fancy outfits to plan. Although it feels a bit silly and indulgent to post photos of outfits, I am sure it won’t be a permanent habit. Oh, but I do love clothes.
It was a weekend of lovely moments. Mark’s 7th birthday came and we celebrated with a trip to the dinosaur museum, a treasure hunt, and strawberry shortcake. We love our red boy whose enthusiastic oohs and aaahs at the dinosaur museum reminded us how great it is to discover something new.
Lovely Paige went to the school prom. She had a lot of compliments on the hairstyle that her aunt Susan created.
Thanks for all of the help, Susan!
Prom, a birthday, a trip to the cabin, and hosting a ward party at our house have taken all of our energy. I have a few regrets about the weekend, and one is that we didn’t get pictures of the beautiful homemade decorations and homemade ice cream bar that we made under a charming tent in our yard.
I sewed 30 feet of bunting in reds and blues to drape around the tent. There were blossoms from the yard in red and cream bud vases; there were red and blue dishes of chocolate, mixed berries, cookies, and nuts, arranged on a red and white gingham tablecloth. There was a candy machine with a jar of coins for the children to use. There were happy neighbors who stopped by to enjoy the festivities.
I’m not trying to write a design and lifestyle blog, so these lovely details will need to live in your imagination and my memory.
As Richard and I waited up for Paige to return from her date, he composed and performed his own lyrics to the song Bring Him Her Home to keep me smiling.
It’s a lovely life.
It seems self-portraiture is a little addictive. I love the messy, romantic look of this quick hairstyle which gains more character with the day. Twist and pin, twist and pin. That’s all there is to it. Non-perfection is the rule. I can do that!
There is more than romance and fashion going on in my head today, but it doesn’t seem worth mentioning. Some days are like that. Is that a gray hair?
Don’t answer that.
Reading Shakespeare in my spare minutes all day long= A day well spent.
I’ve been wearing this hat this week. It makes me feel better. It has a quality similar to blinders which allows me to focus on my immediate tasks and creates a private space for my thoughts to swirl. I love hats.
Someday I’ll gain the courage to wear a grand old Eliza Doolittle hat to church for Easter. That will be a good day.
I felt very silly taking this photo of myself this morning. In the 60 seconds it took to pose, someone discovered my absence and came knocking on my door. “Silly girl,” I thought to myself, “locking the door and taking photos of half your face in a hat.”
“On the other hand,” my inward voice continued, “it’s only a minute and being silly sometimes means being authentic.” It’s not that authenticity is my top priority, but it’s a corollary to my vision of happy living.
I have my own world in the midst of it all, but it’s often abbreviated.
For instance, I dream of someday finishing my shopping list before I have to be somewhere else. I don’t remember the last time I finished a complete shopping list. I always omit something for the sake of time.
For this reason, I post this photo of myself that took 60 seconds to prepare and declare that my identity involves more than what I am able to accomplish and involves an inner life which few really know. Plus, I like hats.
Please enjoy one of Paige’s dances from her recent recital.
The older set at church liked these shoes today:
I’m almost 35 and I feel comfortable in my shoes these days. (I Couldn’t resist a metaphor.)
In other news, Richard is off to speak in someone’s 2:30 sacrament meeting. Daniel and Timothy are preparing for the Primary program and I’m working on rechartering the Cub Scouts. The Church is True!