Observer

A lot happened in the two years since we gathered at the Weber cabin with the Sanchez family. The kids are all taller, smarter, and more confident. I am an observer in a group, so I saw many encouraging things about my family. I heard a recurring theme: things had been really rough for our teens during the past couple of years. From my vantage point, they are doing better than they know, and they have steady friends in their cousins. These friendships will continue to be a real source of strength in their lives. And those challenges they’ve faced? These have given them a new depth and maturity.

photos by Susan and Richard Jaussi

Our family moved from Arizona to Utah 9 years ago. We don’t see extended family as often as I thought we would, but living here makes it possible for us to be there for the little things. Life is made of little things like a shared meal, a group project, listening to music together, exchanging books, babysitting, and being available to come over and visit. I loved living outside of Utah, but I couldn’t do the little things when we lived away.

Today I am feeling a little longing for the family that we used to be, but I know it was good that we traded almost complete independence in Arizona for a more connected life in Utah.

nine years ago, right after our move to Utah

Eagle Court of Honor for Tim and Mark

The boys earned their Eagles about 18 months ago, just before the pandemic. We wanted to do a court of honor with family at the Weber, so we waited a long time for this. We gathered on a Sunday evening at Pines Ranch during the reunion, and I just love a mountain backdrop for this event. It was a special evening.

Our Cub Scout and Girl Scouts helped with the flag ceremony.

I really like how the little cousins wanted to be in the middle of things.
Richard and I made a slideshow of each boy, and Richard took some time to reminisce about Scouting with Tim and Mark.
My dad pulled out from storage his uniform and presented the awards. We dug deep into our closets to find the Scout things we have neglected for 18 months. I remember picking up their Eagle awards in February 2020 (it feels a lifetime since then) and crying as I drove away from the Scout office for the last time.
Their cousin Ray just completed his Eagle project, so while we couldn’t award him his rank, we honored him with a slideshow just like we did for Tim and Mark.
A wild eagle flew overhead as Mark was presented with his Eagle.
I was delighted, as you can see.
singing with Grandma
My boys (singing)
The end.

Photos by Daniel Ross, Michael McLaughlin, and Richard Jaussi

In No Particular Order

Josh and Tim in a garage with their yard equipment. Love them.
Daniel is working a few jobs and resumes school at BYU next week. He dresses up for work. So handsome.
We drove past this scene and turned around to be sure. Was that thing real?
Why yes, it is real. G.O.A.T. and he knows it.
Not going to lie, I am not working on this right now, but it is waiting for me.
My dad’s book is in the hands of the book binders now. This is a big deal.
Richard, Mark, and I have been hiking frequently in this area near our house. Mark is a speedy hiker.

Summer goes by so quickly!

Tears and status as a child of Heavenly Parents

I saw a funny post on social media about how to take your child to college. It was a picture of a mother wearing sunglasses with a piece of tissue wedged beneath each lens. Yes.

When I think of the many tears I cried as I anticipated Paige leaving home, I realize now that this was a little indulgent. Going to college was such a positive thing for her, and memories are not lost when a child leaves. In fact, memories improve with time. Yet those tears were part of my own steps to grow in understanding.

During the turbulent weeks of uncertainty leading to Daniel’s evacuation from his mission during Covid lockdowns and international borders closing, I felt so much fear, but now I know there was no danger. Yet that anguish and loneliness were understood and met as I prayed and meditated during those awful weeks. These were the weeks when I really learned about the ministering of angels.

The tears for Tim’s growing up have arrived. Perhaps these tears will seem unnecessary when I look back on them, and surely this ache I feel should be tempered with experience and perspective, but I can’t always be reasonable. I don’t feel less with time, I might actually feel more. Certainly, each experience of preparing children to leave home is unique and each child is loved so individually. How can I possibly think that I have any of this “down” and handle it any other way?

While my tears and feelings of loss may be like a child’s fear, unfounded and illogical, these are times when I learn the most about my children and my own status as a child of God.

I am loved enough that God sends help when I think there is danger, even when He knows there is no danger. He sends comfort when I fear things that He knows are unreasonable. Our Heavenly Parents understand our feelings because they have loved and said goodbye to each of us and know all about this part of the experience. Through tough goodbyes, I am given a gift of discernment to know how special each child is, not just to me, but to a larger circle than I can see.

Like old times

Mark and Tim won’t be required to wear masks at school next week. Someday these masks will seem distant, and our boys have had to wear them the most, as they attended school in person 4 days a week during the school year.

Richard and I enjoyed Mark’s first and only in-person band concert since 2019. He plays the trumpet as a freshman in an audition band. We couldn’t choose a favorite piece they played, we enjoyed them all. We have been allowed to go to many events at the high school this month, and aside from the masks on our faces, it is just like old times. It’s an encouraging sign of better days to be able to walk into the high school and cheer for our kids again.