Author: Angela

I write so my family will always have letters from home.

This week’s letter to Timothy

Timothy is currently serving his mission in Palau, and this was my letter to him this week. I think these are words I would like all of my children to have.

Dear Tim,

I have taken President Nelson’s counsel to write down the thoughts that come to my mind when I pray. I had some experiences with personal revelation recently that support patterns that I have experienced throughout my life.

* Answers are never complicated. Simplicity is the language of the Spirit. Simple phrases or basic clarity are common for me.

* Even when I am wrong, God is always encouraging and gentle.

* Peace comes when I submit to what God tells me, even if it isn’t what I wanted to hear. This weekend I second-guessed some revelation about a talk I was giving. When I finally trusted the original impression, my mind became settled and calm.

* Sometimes Heavenly Father helps me step away from the experience and see a wider perspective on an issue. He helps me see that yes, today might be hard, but the difficulty is there for my benefit.

Keep showing love to people and be your charming self, and miracles will happen. There will be miracles that you won’t see because they are taking place in people’s hearts and minds, but they are happening.

Love,

Mom

Tender Mercies in March 2023

These are a few things I wrote down in my journal of God’s tender mercies during the past week.

I was invited to an Alzheimer’s conference last summer to support a friend who was on a panel, and I came home with lots of good information. Another friend was recently diagnosed with the disease, and the notes I gathered last summer allowed me to give her accurate information and a strong list of professional resources. My friend’s physician had given her nothing but a diagnosis, not even a pamphlet. It is a tender mercy that I was prepared to comfort a friend with this information. We read the words together on her couch, and she felt understood, validated in her symptoms, and empowered to move forward. It was a precious experience to see how God orchestrated this moment long before her diagnosis.

During a conversation with Mark after school, he was finishing a snack and telling me about the things he was working on. I caught a glimpse of him as he was thinking at the counter that seemed to magnify who he was and inform me of his goodness. I felt an overwhelming feeling of love, so strong it made tears come to my eyes. I think this was a God moment, an instant where I was given to understand who Mark is and how God feels about him. How I love this young man.

The miracle of health when I need to serve in my calling continues. The headache that plagued me over the weekend disappeared when I needed to teach and make a visit to a Primary.

SNAP Roadshow

Each Thursday evening, Mark and his friend Jack serve as counselors for the special needs activity program (SNAP). This is a church calling, issued by the stake, and lasts one school year. Mark is assigned to a buddy for the duration of the calling and he stays by his side for each weekly activity. Recently, they put on their biggest event of the year, the Roadshow. I am not kidding, I cried for joy several times during the play.

Finishing

I am having one of those weeks where almost everything I planned to do has slipped off the list. For some reason, I have been drawn to finishing things that have been on the long term list: Forgotten things, procrastinated things, things that require the kind of attention only a person trapped inside on a winter day can give. That is this week’s story.

  • I finished a book I started reading 10 years ago. It was a difficult book, despite its short length, but worth reading. It was a 17th century text of religious meditations. In case you are wondering, I don’t know why I get myself into these things.
  • I finished a huge Shutterfly photo book project that I have been working on for 15 months.
  • Today, Thursday, is my family history day, and I hope to finish transcribing dates to a spreadsheet from an old birthday book kept by my great grandmother. I have had this book for either 2 or 5 years (I forget) with the intent to do this.

I hope I am not the only one who has projects that have been put off for years. To celebrate the week, I am erasing the original to do list and giving myself a star for facing some of those monsters under the bed.

Remembering

These were my grandmother’s books. On this anniversary of her death, I have been looking at photos I took of little corners throughout her home. I can still find her wisdom and her voice folded away like a sachet that sometimes gets jostled and leaves a subtle scent. She was so good at imparting family stories, gifting us with a sense of who we came from.

In 2018, I overheard her telling my mom about her father Axel’s passing. Assigned to the shift that night was a nurse who could speak his native language, Swedish. The nurse was not just able to speak words of comfort, but do it in the language of his parents and childhood. She spoke to him, quietly and tenderly, easing his fears during his final hours.

My parents and my aunt were with my grandmother on her last night. They told me that they read to her from the book of my dad’s childhood memories. I don’t know what she heard or understood, but I am glad that there were words of comfort and memory in the room for her, too.

Know as I am Known

I read about a group of blind patients who received an experimental surgical procedure to have their sight restored. The results were the gift of vision, which you would think would be positive. Yet, the longer a patient had been blind, the less likely they were to be initially happy with the sudden ability to see. Distances, physical features, complexity of patterns, and relative heights were not anything like they imagined before they could see. One patient kept their eyes closed for days, as everything seemed like too much to process. Another was driven to insanity. One begged to have a reversal of the operation so they could experience things the old way once again. Children were much more open to a change in vision and lifestyle. They weren’t as burdened with habits and perceptions that stood in the way of a new life.

This story made me understand that it is a gift not to know all things just yet.

To me, the concept of faith is a gift. We are here to act according to our best and purest beliefs, without absolute knowledge. We get to live freely and fully, and as unencumbered as faith in Jesus Christ can make us.

Another gift is that we arrive gradually at stunning truths and principles that will require a lot from us. We have time to figure things out, and have the luxury to fail and try again. We build our capacity for knowledge as we do simple things day after day, week after week, year after year. Sometimes faith requires us to make a “leap,” but more often, it requires small, routine steps. When my personal faith feels shaky, it is usually because the little faithful acts aren’t being done, or they are being done without humility.

So, what is my reaction when smacked by something from church that doesn’t match my ideas of just or right or true? Can I curb the impulse to form fists, dig in heels, and let indignation grow? Can I summon the faith of a child during times when I need to show humility, not defiance?

I want my journey of faith to be like throwing off the blindfold and walking towards the blinding light of difficulty, and facing the challenges to my own way of thinking. I don’t want to shrink, abandoning the Way for my own path. In forty years of Church membership, I have navigated lots of things that prove that “[Our] thoughts are not [God’s] thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8)

I chose the path of God’s mercy and grace when I was baptized, and it has been a blessing to live in a covenant relationship with Him. I want to be one who keeps looking at something until I can comprehend it. I know that I “see through a glass darkly,” but I “shall know, as also I am known.” (1 Corinthians 13:12)

Faith leads to knowledge. Knowledge of what? All things. God himself.

67 And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things.

68 Therefore, sanctify yourselves that your minds become single to God, and the days will come that you shall see him; for he will unveil his face unto you, and it shall be in his own time, and in his own way, and according to his own will.

Doctrine and Covenants 88:67-68

No lentil soup?!!

We celebrated Richard’s birthday this weekend with all the good things. He is definitely worth celebrating. We had so much fun that I *think* he will forget that I neglected to buy a key ingredient for his birthday meal so it had to be postponed. Also, I sewed him a minky winter hat which turned out to be too small for his sweet head. Really, though, in memory, the wins should outlive the fails. I hope.

A very fun dinner in an Alpenglobe in Midway
Paige attended her new ward and discovered one of her youth leaders from Arizona is a ward member there. I call that a miracle

Hellooooo out there

A photo from my first blog post in 2009. Tim and Mark were enjoying cupcakes in our yard in Arizona.

It takes time and dedication to maintain a blog, and I’ve been doing this for nearly 14 years.

Reasons I enjoy writing the blog:

  • It has proven to be a good record of family life.
  • It is a place to develop ideas.
  • It is a place to express some creativity and sharpen my writing.
  • It gives some validation for my life.

Things that are difficult about it:

  • It is a one-sided conversation, whether I allow comments or not, and sometimes this heightens my feelings of isolation.
  • Most of our kids are out of the house, so its focus has shifted from our adventures to my thoughts. (Scary.)
  • Some of the most important people in my life no longer read it. (Ouch.)
  • I am growing more private about my thoughts.

When life changes so fundamentally as it has for us during the past few years, the old routines need to change. This blog has been my longtime playground and I would like to find a way to enjoy it again in new ways.

Love,

A