Author: Angela

I write so my family will always have letters from home.

Isolation

One theme I have felt very strongly these five years in Sahuarita is Isolation. People who drive here for the first time call us to make sure there really is something south of Tucson. There is an Indian reservation between Tucson and our home. It feels like you’ve left civilization 10 miles before our house emerges from the cactus (and to be honest, from the shadow of a casino).

This is not to imply that our house is physically isolated from other houses. We live in a densely-packed neighborhood of brown stucco homes that look very much the same. The distance between our house and our neighbor’s houses is about 8 feet. We live in a community that is highly regulated, from how many cars we can park out front to the kind of swimwear we can to wear at the pool. Homogenized and crowded, our community is also very isolating. Our house was purchased during the housing boom of 2005-2006 and the house prices were very inflated. Most of our neighbors work all day to pay for their homes. Much of my street is abandoned from 7-5 each day. This is true for many neighborhoods everywhere. The most isolating places are often heavily populated but disconnected.

Isolation is something I have thought about a lot during my life. Even Dr. Seuss acknowledges that “Alone is something you will be quite a lot.” I have decided that isolation is not in itself the problem. In fact, I think some of my favorite authors, poets and theologians were products of isolation: Robert Lewis Stevenson, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Emily Dickinson, Elizabeth Barrett Browing, William Tyndale, and more. I can relate to Jacob in the Book of Mormon when he talks about being separated from his people and feeling lonesome (Jacob 7:26). Some chose their isolation, and for others, isolation chose them. Through their isolation or because of it, they were able to be more introspective, more imaginative, even more inspired (did I steal that from PBS?); and like Jacob, more solemn.

I feel isolated from my extended family. I try not to complain, but I will always miss the associations that I might have had with my sisters, my parents, my brothers, and their families. On the other hand, if theology has taught me anything, measurements of time and distance are of little importance in the eternities. I will never cease to “Be” and this means by reasonable extension and through temple covenants, I will never cease to be a sister, a daughter, a wife, a mother. Because of this, I feel like I will have other chances to be a part of my family’s experiences someday. I do what I can to remain a part of their lives, but the voice that wants things NOW grows whiny when I miss the good and (strangely) the bad times with them.

On good days I see isolation as a tool in helping me have time to study and think, which are things I crave. On bad days I rival a cactus as I bristle and fight the solitude. I know I am no poet or writer or great anything (thank goodness), but I hope that this isolation serves its purpose in the chiseling of my character and serving God’s purposes. I have a personality that craves isolation, but also longs for very meaningful, direct, and illuminating interaction, too.

Well, I just read this post and I am debating whether I should hit “publish.” I’ve grown so introspective I’ve almost completely turned inside out a long tube sock of pity for myself. And yes, I realize that was a terribly odd thing to say.

Let’s play Li’l Critters

Paige is a great big sister. Her room is a favorite place to be. Mark just loves playing with her tiny animals and ello building set. Paige stopped playing with such toys years ago but graciously keeps them within easy reach for Mark. Whenever Mark gets a little bored he seeks for her and asks, “So, do you wanna play li’l critters?” I really don’t know what Mark would do without her kind and gentle nurturing.

The Healthy Sound of Boys’ Voices in the Mountains

I have been at Cub Scout camp this week. Oh, the mountain air and the healthy sound of boys’ voices echoing through the pines! In awe, I saw a 13-year old Eagle Scout lead 60 Cub Scouts in a trail cleanup project. There were shouts of “Let’s do it!” and “Yeah!” and then the mountain swarmed with Cub Scouts picking up fallen branches and trees. They worked so hard, and most were smiling. The challenges were car sickness, fatigue, and leaving computer games. The highlights were the water rockets, guns, archery, and ping-pong. It was such an adventure.

There is a monster that is devouring the hopes of many children. It begins with fear and can grow into anxiety and eventual incapacity or indifference. Scouting can be a catalyst for growth because a Scout must get out and do something and be someone. As he does this, he trades his fears for confidence and his selfishness for service. I believe that almost without exception, a boy is better off going to Scout Camp than staying home, nursing his fears (or the fears of his parents).

I speak from my experience, being the one who handles the budget, forms, applications, tour permits, and communication with parents. I also go to Cub Scout Camp with the boys and see a visible change in the countenance of a boy who has just conquered a task, especially a task he thought was hard.

Today it feels like Daniel is still enjoying the effects of his worthy adventure. The best descriptive word I can come up with is Contentment.

rocket launcher

Becoming

Paige has finished her 8th grade work.  We celebrated her accomplishments at the public library on Saturday. While honoring these accomplishments, we hope to make it clear that we are most proud of the young woman Paige has become in the process of her education.

She retains that sparkle that we’ve always loved in her countenance and the grace in her demeanor. We know that she will do very well in her high school studies.

I’m going to cover our patio with these

After a friend’s funeral on Saturday and the news of my nephew’s cancer this week, it feels like treason that life should go on. I carry so many people in my heart these days (and I think that I mean the heart of my spirit). So, even if I blog about something silly like lounge chairs, I am still praying for my dear ones and hoping for peace and comfort for all. My pillow is wet with tears each night, as is my shirt as I find myself driving with tears streaming down my face. I find myself worried that people might see the dried tears on my face that seem to crackle when I try to smile. With our faith we will make it through and I plan to make life as joyful as I can.

I will be pursuing some very simple joys. I’m getting some lawn chairs. We’ll be having more outdoor parties lit with Christmas lights and Japanese lanterns. We’ll have long afternoons together reading and playing in the sprinklers. This also means there will be more hugging and fewer rants about a messy floor. It probably means I’ll make dessert now and then, too.

Life is teaching me to Grab the Memories and Make them Count.

I finished reading Julia Child’s memoir of her life in Paris. I have no interest in French cooking or any other kind of cooking these days, but the words were a delight and a retreat.  I loved the book because her voice broke through the mass of words (many in French…argh!). I was reminded of the attraction a person holds when she loves what she doing and she is pursuing a worthy goal.

I want to be like that, not with cooking, but in my pursuit of the abundant life, which is

  • A life of peace and service,
  • A life of  sacrifice mixed with spontaneous delightful memories,
  • A life lived worthily and capably, giving credit to the True Source of all that is good,
  • A life full of Christ-centered and family focused events and pastimes,
  • A life savored during the good times and cherished during the bad,
  • A life that nurtures a real relationship with my Father in Heaven.

Hoping you are finding joy pursuing your own abundant life,

Angie