“And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness.”
2 Nephi 5:27
A few years ago, I documented all the family challenges found in the Book of Mormon. Children rebel, parents are imperfect, grandchildren leave the faith, people need to fix their marriage relationships, fathers are killed, and courageous parents write their family challenges for our benefit. Lehi’s family gets the closest study, and the division and violence are heartbreaking.
Elder Holland taught,
The first 30 years of Book of Mormon history do not present a pleasant story. After the abrupt necessity of abandoning their entire earthly fortune, leaving Jerusalem hastily on the eve of international conflict, crossing the Arabian peninsula in the most adverse of circumstances, building a boat without any prior experience in doing so, crossing an ocean with would-be fatal conflicts breaking out repeatedly and landing in a primitive, unknown new land with all the hardship such a settlement would entail, the hostility within the family of Lehi and Sariah became so intense that the two halves of their family split asunder, with one group fleeing yet farther into the wilderness, fearing for their lives lest they fall victim to the bloodthirsty quest of the other. As they plunged into unsettled terrain to seek safety and fashion a life for themselves as best they could, the prophet-leader of this Nephite half of the family says they now tried to live “after the manner of happiness.”
In light of what they had just been through for thirty years and with what we know yet lay in store for them in the trials almost constantly ahead, such a comment seems almost painful. How could any of this be described as anything remotely like “happiness”? Ah, my friends, there is the rub. Nephi does not say they were happy, though it is evident they actually were. What he says is, they “lived after the manner of happiness.”
In other words, there is a pattern for happy living that we can choose to follow, even when circumstances are rough.
For me, “living after the manner of happiness” includes nurturing family relationships. My dream is that no one will ever again recount how bossy I was when I was younger and see that I am a lot more gentle than I used to be. In another relationship, I would be happier if my ideas weren’t mocked. I’m sure my family members have similar wishes: to be known, to shed old labels that no longer apply, to be accepted, to be cherished. A family counselor taught that we will be happier if we assume “benevolent intent” in our loved ones. I will do it for you. Will you do it for me?
Perhaps if was convenient to hate Nephi when he was young, as he was direct about what he saw his brothers doing wrong. The blame lies mostly with his brothers for the contention, but I see Nephi change his tone over the years. By the end of his life, Nephi stopped naming specific faults and called out to his family in love in his writing. To his beloved brethren who rejected him, he carefully explained the doctrine of Christ, which is simply that we need not stay as we were. Christ can help us change. Nephi teaches me that joy comes in the subtle shift over time from judgment to charity, especially in our families.