Audacity

At age four I could mimic the life I wanted as I played wedding, house, and office. My closet was my kitchen; my neighbor, my groom. I dressed and held each doll differently, as any mother does. I kept lists of things to do, places to go, and rents paid.

At age fourteen, I took my first Zoology class and this steered me to science teaching. I was also voted “most likely to become a seminary teacher’ that year.

At age twenty-four, I had a Zoology degree, a husband, two babies, and a class of teenagers who showed up at my door for my seminary lesson at 6 am every school day.

At age thirty-four, our children were all with us, and I taught home school. I also played science teacher to dozens more at a community center.

At age forty-four, my heart stretches to embrace a child living across the world, and toward a soon-to-be new son holding my daughter’s hand. I teach mostly through encouragement, whether at home or at church. I know now that there are many ways to teach.

I had the audacity at age four to act out my future. There was no fear in my play, only hope and love. I need to take a lesson from my four-year-old self: if I can hope and love, it will be enough, because God is the one who planted these desires for family and influence inside of me. He is the one enabling me to accomplish His purposes. He knows which songs I love best, and has blessed me to be able to play them because he loves me.

My four-year-old self did not foresee an end to the little house life, nor that the children would challenge us deeply. Perhaps it’s that immature self inside of me that feels some defeat in reality. But this stretching and fatigue is not how the story will end. This is the part where it gets really interesting.