I have decided to share a few things Richard and I discussed recently about what makes our marriage work. Really, this list could be summed up in two words, love and respect. But in more detail, we try to…
- Avoid talking negatively about our spouse to others.
- Support one other in the pursuit of personal interests and development of talents.
- Maintain a time when electronic devices are off-limits when we are together.
- Do a variety of things together: work, play, worship, learn.
- Find identity and interests apart from our children.
- Turn to our spouse, not friends and family for support first.
- Avoid keeping score on time, activities, obligations, and money.
- Greet one another warmly at the end of the day. Give a kiss goodbye.
- Speak to one another with respect and kindness.
- Honor traditional roles. We don’t resent them; we find ways to make them “ours” by using our talents and interests as we fulfill them.
- Help one another in all things. This requires education, skill, and sacrifice.
- Continue to work on things that aren’t happy parts of our marriage. We go to bed unsettled sometimes, realizing we can face things with a clearer head the next day.
Marriage has a private life in our hearts and minds. Its success seems to come with a conscious effort to school our thoughts and actions. Feelings of love are a natural result of kindness and loyalty, but real love is so much better than infatuation. It is knowing we have a best friend. It is being a best friend. Sometimes our thinking must change if we are to learn to love truly and deeply. We are still learning.