Morning sunlight peaks through the tiny crevices in the closed blinds on my eastern windows into the darkened room. I close my eyes and pull the blankets closer. Cold mornings, after most of the kids and Richard leave, are lonely and still, and tempt me to stay in my place in the living room, wrapped in a blanket. I have been healthy this October, but gravitate toward stillness during this month of the year more than any other. When I sense that my thoughts are becoming circuitous, or my fingers grow weary from scrolling through the news, it takes an effort to begin the day.
I pray silently, “I WILL get up and fulfill my obligations. I am weak; I know you are aware of my limitations and love me. Help me to move forward today.”
Prayers like this are incredibly helpful.
My inertia is brief and seasonal. I don’t pretend to understand the struggle with depression which is my situation amplified by a hundred. But I do know how good it feels to accomplish something after a morning with a slow start. Even if it is the satisfaction of mopping the kitchen floor or making some phone calls or visits.
In the stillness of my thoughts, I remember my familiar pattern. During October I need more sleep; In October I need to be warm; In October I can make use of my need for rest by reading the best books and making plans. In October I crave comfort and require more self-care. I remind myself that God knows this about me and can still make me useful through my limitations. I remember that God is very kind and patient and inspires me to cook healthy food, gather my family for dinners, enjoy the colors and flavors of the harvest, be aware of the beauty of my surroundings, and press forward each day, even if I get off to a slow start.