My brothers say that I was a domineering big sister. I guess if hugs are any indication, I probably was. Look at that grip on Paul’s neck! Look at him struggling for breath while trying to smile with his thumb up for the camera! I don’t think I am domineering anymore. In fact, most of my siblings have made huge changes in their personalities as they have gotten older.
Joe was always the center of attention. Now he is quiet and intense. Paul lived in Joe’s shadow, but now he is more outgoing. My brother Matt hated school and we wondered if he would graduate. He now has a PhD. One of my sisters believed that she was a dog for a few years. She is way over that now. 😉
I think about sibling dynamics all of the time. The oldest child, or oldest child of each gender often feels more responsibility toward siblings. Richard is not the oldest, but he has many characteristics of an oldest child because he is the oldest brother. When we have family gatherings, sibling dynamics continue to be in play and influence behavior.
When I think back to my childhood, I see that my brothers and sisters were so influential in the formation of my sense of responsibility. Through relationships with them, I learned what it means to love faithfully. I would quarrel with my brothers, but avoided speaking negatively about them with others.
I recently watched some old home movies from 30 years ago. I was trying to play the piano, but my brothers were banging on the keys and making faces, one covering his ears in agony. I put up with a lot. Perhaps if the camera hadn’t been rolling, I would have shouted at them.
In one of the early home videos that Richard and I made, I discovered that Daniel did the SAME THING to Paige as she played piano as my brothers did to me. Too funny.
I study the relationships among my own children and smile at their steadiness, but also their evolution. Paige and Daniel have always been good to each other. Timothy and Mark like to clash, but they have become best friends over the past year or so. As a parent, it’s difficult not to allow sibling order to influence the way I treat them. I work hard to not ignore the middle children in my family, but I’m doing a lousy job not spoiling my baby. All well. What can you do? It seems that sibling dynamics are greater than any one person can overcome.